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Clicks...In the first grade?

Posted by on Mar. 14, 2009 at 11:42 AM
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First grade seems so early to be having to explain about clicks. But, I am having to help manuever my DS through the heartaches of finding his way socially already.  Thankfully, it seems that I handled it correctly and for the time being things have calmed down.  I spoke to my DS honestly and gave him some ideas of how to handle the situations he was encountering.  I wrote a note to the teacher and told her what I was experiencing and told her that their seemed that her students seemed to be trying to find there way socially already.  She was very helpful and immediately spoke to the class and explained that it is cool to be friends with everyone.  So far, so good. But, I would be interested in hearing about the social drama (if you have any) that you are experiencing with your first grader.  My DS is a handsome, bright, healthy kid it just surprised me to be thrown into social heirarchy so early.

by on Mar. 14, 2009 at 11:42 AM
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Replies (1-7):
iluvmy4grls
by Member on Mar. 14, 2009 at 2:09 PM

Yesterday, Hailey was sitting on the couch crying and i said, Hailey whats the matter? She said that at school no one wants to play with her. I asked about the two friends she talks about all the time and she said they didn't play with her yesterday. She didn't know why.  I thought it was weird cuz on Wednesday, one of her friends called and wanted to come over and play but we cold not play on wednesday. DH said to see what happens on Monday before i talk to the teacher and see if something happened at school between her and them. It was sad for me to see her crying like that.

ardnsafu82
by on Mar. 14, 2009 at 3:16 PM

My dd is very shy at first and is not typically the first to make friends. We are almost done with 1st grade and she has not developed any real friends. She's cute, smart and funny- but the other kids don't give her a chance to get to know them. She's very soft spoken sometimes and thinks that when she talks to other kids they are ignoring her, but in reality they aren't hearing her! It's really sad. She cries sometimes, too. She also complains of no one wants to play or talk to her. It's hard I also thought about getting her some counseling or something- maybe she has social anxiety? I'd be open to suggestions, as well!


Sandy, Proud wife to Luis, Mother of Amilia (6yrs old) and Josie (5yrs old)


 moms rock

erinrabon
by New Member on Mar. 15, 2009 at 1:54 PM

It is frustrating, isn't it?  You see these really cool kids and for some reason they get ostersized.  My DS is fine one day and the next two weeks he can't find friends to play with.  Strange and hard to watch.  I took a little boy from his class and my DS to a children's museum on one of the MLK day and on that Wed. that kid hit my kid--for sport.  This other kid is typically really sweet.  Though my DS has gotten past it (at his Bday party right now) it is hard to look at the friend in the same light.  We have had him over a number of times in an effort to foster some friendships.  Socializing in the first grade is a fickle thing I guess.  I wish I knew how to get all of our kids past it. 

Jol77
by on Mar. 16, 2009 at 2:46 PM
My 6 yr old is a very outgoing boy, but he is constantly complaining he has no friends... though he does have friends he plays with on the playground at school, and if I pick him up at school he is always saying hi or being said hi to by several kids... but he complains, for example that on the bus, no one wants to sit next to him and he has no one to play with. I kind of just wonder if kids this age just take little things too much to heart. Like the ride on the bus is going to affect his life forever...? I hope it's a phase.
wyattabigailmom
by Member on Mar. 16, 2009 at 11:03 PM

This whole thing gives me MAJOR anxienty.

My son has a few close friends in his class that he was lucky to also had in his Kinder class so they have become close.  But just the other day another boy he has become friends with this year was pretty rough with him (that boy is bigger) on the playground and my son told the teacher he threw him down, she got onto the boy and told him that if he did it again he would have to sit down.  Well the next day my son said "trevor wouldn't play with me today because I told on him" I told him not to worry about it I was sure Trevor would get over it, and sure enough he did and they are playing again:)

I find myself and so does my hubs nickpicking everything kids do.  If there is 3 of them playing and Wyatt seems to get left out I feel bad for him.  But he doesn't really seem to notice or atleast he hasn't said anything. 

I hate the things kids goes thru and I dread them having to go to middle and high school cause I know it will be so much worse.  Especially for my daughter cause lets face it girls are mean!! Haven't you seen "Mean Girls" t he movie?? UGH

ldmrmom
by on Mar. 17, 2009 at 9:46 AM

It's hard to say much about this specifically without really knowing the situation. I will say this - at 6 and 7 years old I think we're past the "we are all friends" mentality. That may work in preschool and even K but at this point, kids are figuring out pretty quickly who they click with and who they don't. Yes, everyone should be taught to respect their peers and not exclude a child from group games/activities. Taunting and ridicule should not be tolerated. However, let's be honest, *we* don't like everyone we meet or work with or end up sitting near at the PTO meeting. We're going to socliaize with the people we *do* connect with and the other's we'll have a nice poliet exchange with when we have to - nothing more.

I also think, however, it's our job as parents to help our children figure out how to be proactive in navigating friendships AND how to step back from a situation to view it 'big picture.'  For example, my son has a tendency to take a small disagreement and blow it up into "he'll never be my friend again."  When he comes home upset because T was mad at him for accidently ripping his art project we talk about what Logan can do to rectify the situation (if anything.) He's learned already that heart felt apologies go along way - as does accepting responsbility if he's at fault. He's also learned how to address things his friends do that he's not happy about. Yeah, he's 6 so sometimes the melodrama sneaks in. ;) But he does try to first deal with things directly with his friend "D, stop pushing. I don't want to play rough right now." And if it doesn't stop, he'll walk away saying "I don't want to play that way. I'm going on the slides with B, if you want to come you can." We have talked about the difference between a kid fighting and meaning to hurt and a friend just playing rough.

There are a few girls on Logan's bus that give everyone outside their 'clique' a hard time. These girls are in 2nd grade and they can be NASTY.  Logan had a tendency to talk back to them in his own defensive or defending his friends. We talked a lot about how bullies just want attention and they're really sad, lonely, pathetic people who have to make other people feel small in order to feel big themselves. If they're just talking mean, the best thing to do is ignore them. When they can't a rise out of you, you get boring and they move on. He ignored. They moved on.

Logan doesn't have a lot of friends coming over. He's got one really good friend we have had over a few times. He's got other kids in class he'll play with on the playground. I do know, from his teacher, that he gets along with his peers well - even the kid that's always in trouble and has the makings of a future bully. In fact, her words were "he even gets along well with M!" If you ask him, however, he'll tell you "I have one friend, maybe sometimes 2." Things aren't always what they seem. Talk to the teacher. Get some input. Try some outside of school activities.  Encourage your child to be proactive in making his/her own friendships.



erinrabon
by New Member on Mar. 17, 2009 at 12:13 PM


Quoting ldmrmom:

It's hard to say much about this specifically without really knowing the situation. I will say this - at 6 and 7 years old I think we're past the "we are all friends" mentality. That may work in preschool and even K but at this point, kids are figuring out pretty quickly who they click with and who they don't. Yes, everyone should be taught to respect their peers and not exclude a child from group games/activities. Taunting and ridicule should not be tolerated. However, let's be honest, *we* don't like everyone we meet or work with or end up sitting near at the PTO meeting. We're going to socliaize with the people we *do* connect with and the other's we'll have a nice poliet exchange with when we have to - nothing more.

I also think, however, it's our job as parents to help our children figure out how to be proactive in navigating friendships AND how to step back from a situation to view it 'big picture.'  For example, my son has a tendency to take a small disagreement and blow it up into "he'll never be my friend again."  When he comes home upset because T was mad at him for accidently ripping his art project we talk about what Logan can do to rectify the situation (if anything.) He's learned already that heart felt apologies go along way - as does accepting responsbility if he's at fault. He's also learned how to address things his friends do that he's not happy about. Yeah, he's 6 so sometimes the melodrama sneaks in. ;) But he does try to first deal with things directly with his friend "D, stop pushing. I don't want to play rough right now." And if it doesn't stop, he'll walk away saying "I don't want to play that way. I'm going on the slides with B, if you want to come you can." We have talked about the difference between a kid fighting and meaning to hurt and a friend just playing rough.

There are a few girls on Logan's bus that give everyone outside their 'clique' a hard time. These girls are in 2nd grade and they can be NASTY.  Logan had a tendency to talk back to them in his own defensive or defending his friends. We talked a lot about how bullies just want attention and they're really sad, lonely, pathetic people who have to make other people feel small in order to feel big themselves. If they're just talking mean, the best thing to do is ignore them. When they can't a rise out of you, you get boring and they move on. He ignored. They moved on.

Logan doesn't have a lot of friends coming over. He's got one really good friend we have had over a few times. He's got other kids in class he'll play with on the playground. I do know, from his teacher, that he gets along with his peers well - even the kid that's always in trouble and has the makings of a future bully. In fact, her words were "he even gets along well with M!" If you ask him, however, he'll tell you "I have one friend, maybe sometimes 2." Things aren't always what they seem. Talk to the teacher. Get some input. Try some outside of school activities.  Encourage your child to be proactive in making his/her own friendships.

 

 

I think that is very good advice.  You are right.  At this age things do tend to blow over quickly most of the time.  It is kind of like taking the training wheels off, don't you think?  We are still lightly holding the seat, but it is time to see if they can do it themselves.  They might fall, but we are here :) 

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