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Love Dare - Day 4
posted to General Discussion
in Christian Moms and Submissive Wives
on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:33 AM
- 4 Replies
- 53 Total Views
Day 4
Love is Thoughtful
How precious also are Your thoughts to me….
How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them,
they would outnumber the sand.—Psalm 139:17-18
Love thinks. It's not a mindless feeling that rides on waves of emotion and falls asleep mentally. It keeps busy in thought, knowing that loving thoughts precede loving actions.
When you first fell in love, being thoughtful came quite naturally. You spent hours dreaming of what your loved one looked like, wondering what he or she was doing, rehearsing impressive things to say, then enjoying sweet memories of the time you spent together. You honestly confessed, "I can't stop thinking about you."
But for most couples, things begin to change after marriage. The wife finally has her man; the husband has his trophy. The hunt is over and the pursuing done. Sparks of romance slowly burn into grey embers, and the motivation for thoughtfulness cools. You drift into focusing on your job, your friends, your problems, your persona desires, yourself. After a while, you unintentionally begin to ignore the needs of your mate.
But the fact that marriage has added another person to your universe does not change. Therefore, if your thinking doesn't mature enough to constantly include this person, you catch yourself being surprised rather than being thoughtful.
"Today's our anniversary? "
"Why didn't you include me in that decision?"
"Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself?"
If you don't learn to be thoughtful, you end up regretting missed opportunities to demonstrate love. Thoughtlessness is a silent enemy to a loving relationship.
Let's be honest. Men struggle with thoughtfulness more than women. A man can focus like a laser on one thing and forget the rest of the world. Whereas this can benefit him in that one arena, it can make him overlook other things that need his attention.
A woman, on the other hand, is more multi-conscious, able to maintain an amazing awareness of many factors at once. She can talk on the phone, cook, know where the kids are in the house, and wonder why her husband isn't helping….all simultaneously. Adding to this, a woman also things relationally. When she works on something, she is cognizant of all the people who are somehow connected to it.
Both of these tendencies are examples of how God designed women to complete their men. As God said at creation, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him" (Genesis 2:18). But these differences also create opportunities for misunderstanding.
Men, for example, tend to think in headlines and say exactly what they mean. Not much is needed to understand the message. His words are more literal and shouldn't be over analyzed. But women think and speak between the lines. They tend to hint. A man often has to listen for what is implied if he wants to get the full meaning.
If a couple doesn't understand this about one another, the fallout can result in endless disagreements. He's frustrated wondering why she speaks in riddles and doesn't just come out and say things. She's frustrated wondering why he's so inconsiderate and doesn't add two and two together and just figure it out.
A woman deeply longs for her husband to be thoughtful. It is a key to helping her feel loved. When she speaks, a wise man will listen like a detective to discover the unspoken needs and desires her words imply. If, however, she always has to put the pieces together for him, it steals the opportunity for him to demonstrate that he loves her.
This also explains why women will get upset with their husbands without telling them why. In her mind she's thinking, "I shouldn't have to spell it out for him. He should be able to look at the situation and see what's going on here." At the same time, he's grieved because he can't read her mind and wonders why he's being punished for a crime he didn't know he committed.
Love requires thoughtfulness— on both sides—the kind that builds bridges through the constructive combination of patience, kindness, and selflessness. Love teaches you how to meet in the middle, to respect and appreciate how your spouse uniquely thinks.
A husband should listen to his wife and learn to be considerate of her unspoken messages. A wife should learn to communicate truthfully and not say one thing while meaning another.
But too often you become angry and frustrated instead, following the detructive pattern of "ready, shoot, aim." You speak harshly now and determine later if you should have said it. But the thoughtful nature of love teaches you to engage your mind before engaging your lips. Love thinks before speaking. It filters words through a grid of truth and kindness.
When was the last time you spent a few minutes thinking about how you could better understand and demonstrate love to your spouse? What immediate need can you meet? What's the next event (anniversary, birthday, holiday) you could be preparing for? Great marriages come from great thinking.
Today's Dare
Contact your spouse sometime during the business of the day. Have no agenda other than asking how he or she is doing and if there is anything you could do for them.
_____ Check here when you've completed today's dare.
What did you learn about yourself or your spouse by doing this today? How could this become a more natural, routine, and genuinely helpful part of your lifestyle?
Replies:
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- by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:25 AM
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I think so many times we get caught up in our own daily personal agenda and forget to put some extra time into thoughtfulness. I know that I have been working on that this last year, but this dare is exactly what I need to remind me to put that extra effort in.
So, Ladies...let's do this one and report back what we did to give our spouses that extra thoughtfulness today.
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- by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:41 PM
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I just read this post and I had already done this today! I try to call DH everyday or text him a nice message just so he knows I am thinking of him.
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- by on Feb. 14, 2009 at 9:31 AM
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I loved this message. Jeff and I normally do call and check in with each other every day actually a million times a day if we are apart. However, It was such a good reminder to be thoughtful the way we were when our love was new. And a great chapter to read right before Valentine's day and my husbands birthday on Monday.
Yesterday, I was with my husband all day. But I helped him out all day long with his business and other things. I was really a great day. He took the kids to school so I had breakfast ready for him when he got home. And the day went from there. It was also a good reminder to put some extra thought into his birthday. I used to always do that, but now it seems like we always wing it. I want to make it special for him this year.
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- by on Feb. 14, 2009 at 11:33 PM
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That's cool that we can post the love dares here. i am doing them in the Love Dare group, so I'll try to keep posted here as well.
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