Love Dare - Day 7

Love Dare Day 7

[Love] believes all things, hopes all things. -- 1 Corinthians 13:7

In the deep and private corridors of your heart, there is a room.
It's called the Appreciation Room. It's where your thoughts go when
you encounter positive and encouraging things about your spouse. And
every so often, you enjoy visiting this space.

On the walls are written kind words and phrases describing the
good attributes of your mate. These may include characteristics like
"honest" or "intelligent, " or phrases like "diligent worker,"
"wonderful cook," or "beautiful eyes." They are things you've
discovered about your husband or wife that have embedded themselves in
your memory. When you things about these things, your appreciation for
your spouse begins to increase. In fact, the more time you spend
meditating on these positive attributes, the more grateful you are for
your mate.

Most things in the Appreciation Room were likely written in the
initial stages of your relationship. You could summarize them as the
things you liked and respected about your loved one. They were true,
honorable, and good. And you spent a great deal of time dwelling on
them in this room... before you were married. But you may have found
that you don't visit this special room as often as you once did.
That's because there is another competing room nearby.
Down another darker corridor of your heart lies the Depreciation
Room, and unfortunately you visit there as well. On its wall are
written the things that bother and irritate you about your spouse.
These things were placed there out of frustration, hurt feelings, and
the disappointment of unmet expectations.
This room is lined with the weaknesses and failures of your
husband or wife. Their bad habits, hurtful words, and poor decisions
are written in large letters that cover the walls from one end to the
other. If you stay in this room long enough, you get depressed and
start expressing things like, "My wife is so selfish," or "My husband
can be such a jerk." Or maybe, "I think I married the wrong person."
Some people write very hateful things in this room, where
tell-off statements are rehearsed for the next argument. Emotional
injuries fester here, adding more scathing remarks to the walls. It's
where ammunition is kept for the next big fight and bitterness is
allowed to spread like a disease. People fall out of love here.
But know this: Spending time in the Depreciation Room kills
marriages. Divorces are plotted in this room and violent plans are
schemed. The more you spend time in this room, the more your heart
devalues your spouse. It begins the moment you walk in the door, and
your care for them lessens with every second that ticks by.
You may say, "But these things are true!" Yes, but so are the
things in the Appreciation Room. Everyone fails and has areas that
need growth. Everyone has unresolved issues, hurts, and personal
baggage. This is a sad aspect of being human. We have all sinned. But
we have this unfortunate tendency to downplay our own negative
attributes while putting our partner's failures under a magnifying glass.
Let's get down to the real issue here. Love knows about the
Depreciation Room and does not live in denial that it exists.
But love chooses not to live there.

You must decide to stop running to this room and lingering there after
every frustrating event in your relationship. It does you no good and
drains the joy out of your marriage.

Love chooses to believe the best about people. It gives them the
benefit of the doubt. It refuses to fill in the unknown with negative
assumptions. And when our worst hopes are proven to be true, love
makes every effort to deal with them and move forward. As much as
possible, love focuses on the positive.

It's time to start thinking differently. It's time to let love
lead your thoughts and your focus. The only reason your should glance
in the door of the Depreciation Room is to know how to pray for your
spouse. And the only reason you should ever go into this room is to
write, "COVERED IN LOVE" in huge letters across the walls.
It's time to move into the Appreciation Room, to settle down and
make it your home. As you choose to meditate on the positives, you
will learn that many more wonderful character qualities could be
written across these walls. Your spouse is a living, breathing,
endless book to read. Dreams and hopes have yet to be realized.
Talents and abilities may be discovered like hidden treasure. But the
choice to explore them starts with a decision by you.
You must develop a habit of reigning in your negative thoughts
and focusing on the positive attributes of your mate. This is a
crucial step as you learn to lead your heart to truly love your
spouse. It is a decision that you make, whether they deserve it or not.

Today's Dare

For today's dare, get out two sheets of paper. On he first one, spend
a few minutes writing out positive things about your spouse. Then do
the same with the negative things on the second sheet. Place both
sheets in a secret place for another day. There is a different purpose
and plan for each. At some point during the day, pick a positive
attribute from you the first list and thank your spouse for having
this characteristic.

------Check here when you've completed this task.

Which list was easier to make? What did this reveal about your
thoughts? What attribute did you thank your spouse for having?