what are your daily struggles with submission?

Replies:

• 
• by
  • 4kids1mom
  on Jun. 26, 2009 at 2:07 PM

• I offer to help him, when he doesn't ask. I think this probably makes him feel like I don't trust his judgement/actions/abilities. I struggle hard with it!

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• by
  • mrsbulldog
  on Jun. 27, 2009 at 9:31 PM

• I think comming over comming my own issues with trust is the hardest thing about my submission at this point. I love him, I want to submit, I am respectful, but I hold out on trust. I am praying that this will become easier as the days go by. He has done nothing to me to not have my trust, it is from my past that is hindering me.

   

  Shelley  aka Mrs Bulldog

• 
• by
  • Happy_at_home
  on Jun. 27, 2009 at 10:54 PM

• My biggest struggle is when he takes control of a situation that I had already had made plans for in my head.  Today for example, there were things that needed to get done: laundry folded and put away (nudge, nudge, Julie), another load washed, kitchen cleaned up, do church stuff (I'm responsible for preparing the altar area at church this month), and prepare for D&D tomorrow.  I had made my own plan of how I was going to accomplish those things but had not expressed that to my dh so when he started telling me what to do (in a nice way) I became resentful and had a very hard time taking his direction.  When I told him that I was planning on doing things in a different order I was not very respectful towards him.  If I had said things in a much nicer way he would have been more understanding and may have let me do things my way.  So now I feel guilty for having had a bad attitude towards him.

  This is something that happens frequently and is a struggle for both of us because he hears me say that I want him to give me more direction and to take more control but then sometimes when he does I become resentful of it and balk at obeying him.  It is frustrating for both of us.

  That said, I am still committed to living in a marriage that has such traditional roles.  We do live in much more peace and harmony than we did before.
  

  --Liberty

  Mom to Allie and G-man.

  Want brutally honest movie reviews and lively discussion about the entertainment industry? Movies, TV, books, video games, or just life in general discuss it all. Check out The Nut Gallery, where we are all just a little crazy.

   

• 
• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jun. 28, 2009 at 1:14 PM

• yes Liberty. I am still having clothes problems lol lol. I think on most occasions. It is not WHAT we say as much as it is HOW we say it. Maybe you could have listened to his ideas and acted really interested and then said , yeah thats a great idea. I was thinking about this. what do you think? and actually discussed it. lol and I do this too. I sometimes will be saying something totally harmless, but I say it with venom in my voice.   We often talk to our husbands worse than we would a stranger on the street. ....what else does everyone have problems with? or questions about?

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • hoosieraa2006
  on Jun. 29, 2009 at 6:51 PM

• I think my biggest struggle is just letting go... I have gotten so much better about it, but my first marriage ended in a biblical divorce (affair) after my husband kicked me and our 3 week old son out of the house so he could be with his current wife. I was still on maternity leave and only had a part time job, and we really struggled. I know deep down in my heart that my forever husband would never, ever do anything so despicable and truly loves me, my son, and our little one on the way... I just quit my full-time job to be a SAHM --- but just giving over the finances, etc. to him completely is a little frightening... even though I know it will be okay!

• 
• by
  • blessed2bmomof1
  on Jun. 29, 2009 at 11:44 PM

• (This is my very first post to this group, and I apologize in advance, if it seems I am whining or upset. I am very hurt right now and if for no other reason, I need to vent if I am ever to sleep this evening).

  I am having so much difficulty submiting to my husband. It has become an area of great discord between us. I want to submit to him, but he wants me to be the one to make all the decisions regarding everything, literally. He makes no decisions, ever. If I ask him for an opinion, he always says, "It's up to you."

  Also, my husband has had trouble in the past, with gambling and lying (he's still having a problem with these), drugs/alcohol, lusting and adultery. Just when I see a glimmer of hope, in that I can start trusting him again, he does something that is not in the best interests of the family, and all the hope I had, seems in vain, all over again. I feel like I am raising my 55 year old husband, rather than being his wife and other half.

  Most recently (as in tonight), he picked up his paycheck after work, and instead of coming home, he went over to one of the casinos, where for 5 hours, he kept throwing money into the slot machines.

  I had no idea where he was, and had called his work, frantically looking for him, afraid that he might be injured, broken down on the side of the road, or something. I called the casinos, and left messages, requesting they page him. A few minutes later, he called. Long story short, he wasted over $400.00 in a slot machine. He came home with nothing but $10.00. He's never done something that extreme. I mean, he'd go over to the casino, spend $20.00, then come home. I didn't like the gambling, but he insisted there was no harm in spending a little bit of money, for "fun". He'd always find a way to justify the money he was wasting.

  I have been in tears since. Not only did he not care to call me and let me know where he was and that he was alive and well, but he didn't care that his family needed groceries...that we had bills to pay...that I needed to fill my medications. Now, as with so many other times in the past that he's made bad decisions involving money, I have to sell/pawn my things, just to keep us afloat for a little while.

  I don't know how I can submit to a man like that and I struggle with it. We had a long talk a few days ago. We've been having a lot of problems in our (nearly) 17 years marriage, and I have been so close to just packing everything up, taking our daughter, and leaving him. But he told me he loves me, does not want to lose me, and things would get better. He refuses to grant me a divorce, or go to counseling. Now he's done this. I just don't get it. I give him chance after chance...I forgive over and over. I'm a good wife and mother to our child, and I know I am. I gave up a wonderful career, to be the stay-at-home, traditional wife he wanted. Our home is clean, our daughter is happy, educated (I homeschool), and there's a hot, home-cooked meal on the table, every night. But he doesn't respect our marriage, and I am just so emotionally and spiritually drained.

• 
• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jun. 30, 2009 at 9:43 AM

• ok In my opinion, you need to draw the line. He has a problem, he can say he doesn't , but anyone that spends their whole check on gambling without paying for groceries....has a problem. He needs help. I would give him an ultimatum. You go to counseling, or gamblers annon. or I am leaving. Right now its like a drug. He has went from one addiction to another. I would pray for him every night, every morning. Love him, uplift him, help him.....but its a long hall. You are going to HAVE to insist that his checks go into a bank that you have control of. That He has to attend meetings etc. I know this sounds extreme to you right now. but If you want your normal life. You are gonna have to fight for it. IF you WANT to , this is grounds for divorce . Adultery , and he is committing spiritual adultery right now. He is not treating you right, he is putting gambling and other things before God. and before his family. but God NEVER says you HAVE to. I have put up with so much from my husband it is not even funny, and I would never divorce him, but I am just saying Adultery is the only reason for divorce. but it is not JUST your husband sleeping around like many people think. God bless you and remember read your bible and pray over him everyday.

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • blessed2bmomof1
  on Jun. 30, 2009 at 10:38 AM

• 
  

  Quoting MOMMYOFMANY67:
  
  

  ok In my opinion, you need to draw the line. He has a problem, he can say he doesn't , but anyone that spends their whole check on gambling without paying for groceries....has a problem. He needs help. I would give him an ultimatum. You go to counseling, or gamblers annon. or I am leaving. Right now its like a drug. He has went from one addiction to another. I would pray for him every night, every morning. Love him, uplift him, help him.....but its a long hall. You are going to HAVE to insist that his checks go into a bank that you have control of. That He has to attend meetings etc. I know this sounds extreme to you right now. but If you want your normal life. You are gonna have to fight for it. IF you WANT to , this is grounds for divorce . Adultery , and he is committing spiritual adultery right now. He is not treating you right, he is putting gambling and other things before God. and before his family. but God NEVER says you HAVE to. I have put up with so much from my husband it is not even funny, and I would never divorce him, but I am just saying Adultery is the only reason for divorce. but it is not JUST your husband sleeping around like many people think. God bless you and remember read your bible and pray over him everyday.

  Thank you very much for your reply. I couldn't sleep lastnight, so worried about what I was going to do to get the bills paid and groceries in the house, that I was still up when he awoke to go to work (he gets up at 2:30 a.m.). I told him he has a choice to make: His family, or the casinos. I told him if he goes to the casino ever again (he can get a cash advance equal to half of his daily earnings, from his employer so he could go tonight after work, I'm afraid), then he has no business coming home. Simply bring me the car, get his things, and leave. I can't keep doing this. I have given him 17 years of second chances, but he continually disrespects our vows, me, our child, God. I don't want to live like this.

  
  

• 
• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jul. 1, 2009 at 1:47 PM

• amen, and let me make this clear, by doing this , does not mean you HAVE TO DIVORCE HIM. You can kick him out, move on supporting your daughter, going to church. and when and if people ask about him,  I would just say, that we are staying separate at this time, but we are working things out. "  NEVER report your business. Later when you go back to him , everyone will make you crazy.  Pray for him , take your daugher to church and see about a part time job, or babysitting or something and if and I say IF he does leave, you let him know if he loves his child , he better at least make sure he gives you a little money support. Just take it one day at a time. I have been here, not with the gambling, but with other things and we got past it.

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • mommy2isabella
  on Jul. 7, 2009 at 12:37 AM

• Hi! I'm new!

  My biggest struggle is when my husband says something I do not like, I want to yell at him, it's a natural instinct for me and i'm not sure why. I need to learn to talk to him in a much more calm manner.

  Also sometimes when he tells me to do something it deeply hurts my feelings even though I know he means well.  

     *Happily married to Erik and proud mommy of a toddler and an infant* Isabella and Camden*

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