post questions here you may have about submission, the bible, our roles as women. whatever

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• by
  • blessed2bmomof1
  on Jul. 2, 2009 at 11:38 PM

• I've always wanted to know what is the difference between being under submission to my husband, and being a doormat/slave? I guess really, I am wondering where the line is to be drawn?

  Some time ago, my husband insisted that I must refer to him as "sir", as in, "Yes sir. No sir". When he has asks me a question, (an example...him: "What's for dinner?" Me: "Steak and potatoes". Him: "This time, remember to cook my steak well done but not charred, you understand?") I'm expected to answer him, "Yes, sir". When I don't (and it is often that I do not), he's not a happy camper, to say the least.

  My problem with it, is it feels degrading to me. I am not his child or his slave and I feel disrespected. I really do not think he looks at me as being a "good wife", when I have answered him in his preferred manner. He laughs, saying, "That's right. It's S.I.R. now try to remember that". It's humiliating to me.

  Is there a right way and a wrong way (to be under submission)?

  Also, I have wondered this a lot, given that the majority of our marriage has been very strained, and he is in a backslidden state. Am I supposed to be under submission to a man who is not "right" with God? As an example, if he tells me to go buy him alcohol (when clearly it's a big NO-NO), am I just supposed to say, "Yes sir", and do it like a good girl (ugh), or am I supposed to use some common sense and discretion (and therefore, refuse)?

  Thank you.

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  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jul. 3, 2009 at 9:48 AM

• Well this topic will have many different opinions linked to it, I am going to tell you what I think the bible says. I want to live by the bible, no matter how I may feel or how others may see me. It states in the bible that yes, you are to be in submission to your own husband AS UNTO THE LORD. now if the Lord asked you to call him sir.....you would. I understand he is not holding up his part. We often have those problems, however I came to the realization one day. WE are COMMANDED to obey our husbands. On judgement day, your husband will not be standing beside you to face Jesus. He will not be there to point your finger at. We are only responsible for our part. It never says to obey your husband IF HE IS FOLLOWING GOD. In fact it says that if he is not, your sweet spirit could change him. I do not think we should be doormats. I just believe we have to do our part and then pray that the Lord will work miracles in your husband when you are doing your part. Just pray pray pray . If you feel used, tell God. If you feel like he is treating you disrespectful, Tell God. ......then we are clean and God can work miracles in our life more easily. IF your husband tells you to do something against God.......thats a judgement call. IF you do in fact sin because of him, its on HIS HEAD THOUGH. but pray about every decision and let your spirit lead you. ...If he asks you to commit robbery or something totally against God..I personally would refuse on the grounds of God and tell him that. That can be an example to him as well.

  

  
  

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• by
  • MomfromCT
  on Jul. 5, 2009 at 11:15 AM

• I understand "Momofmany67" opinion but I see it very differently. On the "sir" issue - if it doesn't feel right to you, don't say it - especially under the stressful circumstances you indicated. As far as obeying your husband when he is clearly not operating in a fashion that is healthy for him or for you - absolutely not. You are an adult and capable of making decisions that are best for you and your family - buying him alcohol when you said it is clearly a bad idea is wrong (in my opinion). You are responsible for your actions and have a right to live by your own moral code. A marriage (I believe) must be based on mutual respect and the understanding that both people are first and foremost taking care of themselves properly and then they are able to take care of each other. If someone is drinking too much or abusing their power they are not taking care of themselves or their partner - and then (again, my opinion) it is your obligation to assess the situation and make decisions accordingly. You are an adult who must make adult decisions. You have a God given right to live a righteous life and to only do what you feel is right. If not, then does it mean that a wife (or husband) should stay with someone who abuses them? How about someone who cheats? I think God expects us to be wise enough to take care of ourselves. If you are both living a life that is right with God then being submissive seems logical; but if not I think you are required to use the brain and intuition that God gave you to do what you know is right. Good luck.

  Vivian

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• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jul. 5, 2009 at 12:14 PM

• ok as I said early, I only go by the bible, not opinion or the worlds view of how things SHOULD BE.  So if you believe this way, I would only ask to show me scriptures on it. If you find scriptures that say "obey your husband only if he is acting accordingly""  Or "do not obey your husband if he is not acting right".  I will show you the scriptures that say if your husband is not a believer, stay with him and have a docile spirit. and by doing that  , who knows if you are not to change him. It also says in the bible that if a wife makes a vow to someone. Her husband can take it from her. Or allow her to do it. He can over turn whatever decision she has made. but look for scriptures and show me . and I will look them up myself .  I just have to only go by and advise people on the bible, not the worlds view. Now on adultery. That God has said IS A REASON for divorce. He allows that. As far as abuse , just because of what I read in the bible. I often will tell people to leave and not allow the husband to hurt them or the child. Just pray and go on with your life in a pure way and do not get a divorce , until he commits adultery, or God leads you in another way. He could change your husband too. When you are acting in the way you should be, and praying. Just get out of the situation , so you are safe. ......THAT IS WHAT I TELL THEM. only because that is what I read in the bible.

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • blessed2bmomof1
  on Jul. 6, 2009 at 2:24 AM

• Thank you for your replies, ladies. I certainly didn't mean to get a debate over scripture started.

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• by
  • NannyB.
  on Jul. 6, 2009 at 8:42 AM

• MOMMYOFMANY is absolutely right about this.  The Bible plainly teaches that the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church.  It is indeed a very difficult thing for a wife to carry out this command, mainly because of our own selfishness and need to control.  But just because it is hard does not mean that we should not do everything that we do as unto the Lord.  Also remember that Sarah called her husband Abraham "Lord."  It takes divine enablement from God to do a thing like that, but that enablement is available to each of us.

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• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jul. 7, 2009 at 8:46 AM

• no , debates are good, as long as we line them up to the bible and always love eachother. I am not angry or offended or anything, and I hope she is not either. I just voice my opinion. I am kind of a bold person and sometimes my words come out strong and sensitive people sometimes see them not as they were intended. So If I did say anything to offend anyone I deeply apologize. This is how I see things thru the bible. I feel kind of passionate about it.

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • hoosieraa2006
  on Jul. 7, 2009 at 10:06 AM

• The key to the head of household/submissive relationship in the Bible is based on the idea that the husband should love his wife as Jesus loves the church (Ephesians 5:25)... and the OP is obviously not being treated that way. God loves the church enough to provide free will, grace, and mercy without bounds. In turn, believers submit to the will of the Lord because his unconditional love of believers is perfect. You may reinforce that scripture to your husband in a respectful way if he is directly calling for your submission but in a hurtful, degrading way -- and remind him that as you are commanded to submit to him, he is commanded to respect and love you. and his burden to you is actually a greater one to bear at times. You may point out to him that you are human and imperfect, and admit that it is very difficult for you to submit if he is not honoring his vows to you.

   

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• by
  • Calamendara
  on Jul. 25, 2009 at 7:54 PM

• I agree 100%
  

  Quoting hoosieraa2006:
  
  

  The key to the head of household/submissive relationship in the Bible is based on the idea that the husband should love his wife as Jesus loves the church (Ephesians 5:25)... and the OP is obviously not being treated that way. God loves the church enough to provide free will, grace, and mercy without bounds. In turn, believers submit to the will of the Lord because his unconditional love of believers is perfect. You may reinforce that scripture to your husband in a respectful way if he is directly calling for your submission but in a hurtful, degrading way -- and remind him that as you are commanded to submit to him, he is commanded to respect and love you. and his burden to you is actually a greater one to bear at times. You may point out to him that you are human and imperfect, and admit that it is very difficult for you to submit if he is not honoring his vows to you.

  
  

  
  

• 
• by
  • alaskaarmywife
  on Jul. 27, 2009 at 4:54 PM

• Hey everyone, I am new to this group I am 22 yrs old and have a 15 mo old daughter and have been married for almost 3 yrs. I am on a journey right now to finding my faith again. Last night was the first time I have been to church in over 4 yrs. I was very happy though and I know God was calling me back in his graces and I feel like I made the right choice refinding my faith. However my husband thinks religion is silly and really does not understand any of it. So just wondering some things because when I was going to church and following my religion I was just a teen... So I know that God says sex is for marriage and I have that part down... But I am confused on some details like sex should only be to procreate? or is sex ok as long as your married...even if your not wanting a baby? and also How does God feel about bc? The way i understand it is bc is bad..right?! also I was wondering about oral sex, because Im not sure if its in the bible and how God feels about that either weather its apropriate or not. Thanks for any answeres and advice! God bless!!

   

   

  Christian Army wife 22 yr old. SAHM.  Mom of 1 perfect lil girl~Kaydence.Suv driving. Prolife. Obama loving. Non smoker. .formula fed. pacci loving.non co-sleeper. Believes a womens place is in the home and a mans at work.Hates daycare.social butterfly.loves pink. .loves tv.drinks soda 24/7. enjoys outdoors. overall crazy beautiful mama.

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