Rules

Replies:

• 
• by
  • momoflilangel
  on Jun. 30, 2009 at 11:54 AM

• rules, no.

  I do keep the house clean, try to keep up with laundry, and cook dinner every night but that is b/c I feel as though it is my job to do those things and I enjoy having a happy husband who appreciates his wife. I am sure if I stopped doing these things that we would have issues but these aren't my rules, so to speak.

  He never tells me what to do or what he expects of me but we each know what to do and what our roles are.
  

• 
• by
  • blessed2bmomof1
  on Jun. 30, 2009 at 12:48 PM

• I don't have rules, per se, but there are things I know I am to do/not do. Most, I have learned by trial and error over the years, since he's never really given me a list.

  I can't get my hair done, wear makeup, wear shorts or dresses shorter than my calves (I wear mostly dresses), go anywhere with friends, or go someplace by myself. I'm really not allowed to socialize, though there are a few exceptions to this. I can't go "hang out" with friends, just for the sake of socializing or talking, but I can take our daughter out for play dates, music lessons/cheerleading, and co-op classes with the homeschooling support group, we belong to. Of course, I stay with her and do not leave or get much chance to talk with other mom's, since they are there for their kids, and/or they leave and run errands.

  I also must have our daughter with me, wherever I go. He does not like to be left in charge of any childcare responsibilities. The only exception to that would be if I needed to go to the doctor, at which point I must "clear" the date and time with him, and he either has me re-schedule the appointment or if it's a must, he takes the time from work so that I can keep an appointment (we've never used sitters). But he and our daughter go with me, and wait in the lobby.

  I'm also to have dinner on the table promptly at 6 p.m. It used to be a rule that I had to be up in the mornings (2:30 a.m.) to make him breakfast and see him off to work, but he doesn't insist on that anymore and I now sleep in.

  There are other things....like keeping the house clean and laundry caught up, but I do those things anyways on a daily basis. We also have several animals (goats, ducks, sheep, chickens, dogs, etc), and I must feed them and do whatever needs to be done to care for them.

• 
• by
  • Happy_at_home
  on Jul. 1, 2009 at 8:22 AM

• I don't really have rules; I am expected to be respectful and considerate towards him.  He has thinks that he expects of me but for the most part these are things I also expect of myself:  cooking, keeping up on the housework, laundry, etc.  There are days where if I am lazy or scatter-brained that he will take the reins and tell me what he wants me to get done but that is more of the exception than the norm.  Sometimes I wish he had rules but I realize that if he doesn't feel the need for them because 1) I am an adult and 2) he trusts me to make good decisions and come to him before I do anything out of the ordinary.
  

  --Liberty

  Mom to Allie and G-man.

  Want brutally honest movie reviews and lively discussion about the entertainment industry? Movies, TV, books, video games, or just life in general discuss it all. Check out The Nut Gallery, where we are all just a little crazy.

   

• 
• by
  • lilmaiyagirl
  on Jul. 1, 2009 at 8:26 AM

• Yep I do.

  Do not speak badly about him, publicly or in private, Any issues I have must be taken to him promptly so they can be dealt with accordingly.

  Do not lie to him, always speak the truth even if it will get me in trouble

  I must do my chores daily

   No computer until chores are done.

   no sassing off, back talking, making funny faces behind his back.

  Always be a good reflection of him.

  I must always get his drinks and plates first and then my own.

  I must eat 3 times a day

  I must exercise at least 3 times a week

   All decisions are his to make, unless it has to do with the children, if it has to do with the children we decide together what is best.

  I must have my cell phone on me when I leave the house, so that if he needs to contact me he can.

  
  

  I have more than that, But do to the sensitive nature of them, I will not post those ones, I realize this is a Christian group, and I do not want to offend anyone.
  

  

  There is a difference between sitting under ones shoe and sitting elegantly at their feet.

• 
• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jul. 1, 2009 at 1:43 PM

• ok , YES, I do have rules. and all we are doing here is debateing the word "rules"  because I like the above two posts. "I do not have rules, but I can not get my hair done, wear shorts, etc etc"  several of you have listed things that your husband does not wish for you to do. and you do not do them , because you love and respect him as the leader of your home. Some people call that RULES, and some people call that just working together.

  but YES i HAVE RULES ........I can not wear revealing clothing, I can not go out with friends to bars or anything, I have to keep the dishes and laundry done , I have to make sure my kids have homework everyday and bath and brush thier teeth. (I do this anyway, but my husband is like crazy with it)  I really have many more that thru 11 plus years have just ironed out , I do not even notice most of these any more.

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • Sahminky
  on Jul. 1, 2009 at 10:14 PM

• 
  

  Quoting MOMMYOFMANY67:
  
  

  all we are doing here is debateing the word "rules" 
  

  lol this is true. I don't even know if my husband has actually used the word "rules" or not, that's just how it comes across to me I guess... I mean, most things would be the same anyway, like I would vaccuum every day even if I hadn't been told to, but when I do it, I know one of the reasons I am doing it is to please or obey my husband. Does that make sense?

  
  

• 
• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jul. 2, 2009 at 10:18 AM

• totally. In the bible it states we are to be pleasing to the Lord, and we are supposed to reverence our husbands AS UNTO THE LORD. so we should be trying to please our husbands as well. God put us here as helpmeets to them. I also do things and in the back of my mind I am doing them to please him.

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • mommy2isabella
  on Jul. 7, 2009 at 12:36 AM

• I have a few rules

  -I'm to mostly wear skirts or dresses (new rule)

  -No showing of cleavage, i'm large chested so it's kind of hard

  -No calling him names

  -No raising my voice at him

  -Finish my chores before free time mostly computer time or reading time lol

  And that's really all 

     *Happily married to Erik and proud mommy of a toddler and an infant* Isabella and Camden*

• 
• by
  • shandion
  on Jul. 8, 2009 at 12:22 PM

• I don't have rules. I find it interesting that people have "rules" to follow. That doesn't seem like the kind of submissiveness I see in the Bible, in my opinion. I can understand doing things that are respectful, putting your husband first, reverencing, and all that, but I don't see where it says to follow a bunch of strict rules in a marriage. In fact, if our marriages are supposed to be an example of Christ and the church, yes there are things we are supposed to do as Christians, but when Jesus died, it gave us freedom from the strict "rules" that were in the OT. God doesnt give us a strict list of  things we must do in order to please him, he tells us to Love (which is probably the hardest thing to do to since love pretty much covers it all) so if we are doing that, I think that covers it.

  I totally think the wife should be submissive and the husband should be the leader, I just can't imagine my husband dictating my life in the small things. His love for me should give me freedom to do certain things and my love and submissiveness to him should allow him freedom too.

  We both work so he will cook dinner if I am tired and I believe that demonstrates his love the way Christ would love and I will respect his decisions because thats how I am supposed to submit to him. He has told me he didn't really like this one tv show I was watching, he didn't think it was something good. So I deleted it from my DVR. He didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to watch it, but he expressed his concern and I respected him by deleting it. If I had chosen to watch it, that would have been my decision and he would have probably thought that I didn't respect his opinion, but just like Christ, he gave me the option to listen or ignore.

  Those are my thoughts!

• 
• by
  • ArtisticMom2005
  on Jul. 9, 2009 at 4:16 PM

• I couldn't agree more with everything you said. This is one area I struggled with when I first was trying to become a more submissive wife. I wasn't sure how far to take it....how submissive was too much...etc.

  But as I've talked with people, my husband, read scripture, etc. I feel the same way you do.

  
  

  My husband doesn't give me rules but when he asks me to do something for him I usually do. I do most things because I love him and my children and want the best for them not because I'm instructed or ordered to do so. (Please don't think I'm talking down about anyone's marriage...I know different things work for different people and as long as both parties are in agreement rules might work for you and that's great...it's just not the way my husband and I choose to have our marriage).

  I know he expects that I'm not going to yell at him, call him names, or disrespect him. Sometimes I still do when I'm upset with him (I'm working on that...mostly the yelling and disrespecting..not so much the name-calling) But when I do stumble he doesn't like punish me or anything. It just harms our marriage so I try to work hard on showing him love and respect...especially because I want our children to see a good example of a loving Christian marriage as they grow. As far as housework...I dont have any rules there. When he needs something clean laundry-wise he'll tell me and even if I haven't gotten to that load yet I'll bump it up on my list to get it done for him. I try to keep up with the laundry, dishes, house-cleaning, etc. However, with three children under 4, own my own business, and my husband gone most of the day working it's hard to keep everything perfect and he's very understanding about that. I just started working out again (TaeBo..yeah..I'm excited) but it's not because he's said anything about my appearance. It's just for me. He tells me I'm beautiful just the way I am all the time. I generally don't wear "revealing" clothing so that's really not even an issue. As far as disciplining the children, I mostly make the rules since I'm home with them. I fill him in on what I've been working on with them so we're on the same page and if it's anything major we talk about it together and then he has the final say but will take into consideration what I've said. Everything else he makes the final decision but will consult me and wants to know what I think on something before he makes a decision. :-)

  The more I wrote the more I realized what an awesome husband I have. :-)
  

  Quoting shandion:
  
  

  I don't have rules. I find it interesting that people have "rules" to follow. That doesn't seem like the kind of submissiveness I see in the Bible, in my opinion. I can understand doing things that are respectful, putting your husband first, reverencing, and all that, but I don't see where it says to follow a bunch of strict rules in a marriage. In fact, if our marriages are supposed to be an example of Christ and the church, yes there are things we are supposed to do as Christians, but when Jesus died, it gave us freedom from the strict "rules" that were in the OT. God doesnt give us a strict list of  things we must do in order to please him, he tells us to Love (which is probably the hardest thing to do to since love pretty much covers it all) so if we are doing that, I think that covers it.

  I totally think the wife should be submissive and the husband should be the leader, I just can't imagine my husband dictating my life in the small things. His love for me should give me freedom to do certain things and my love and submissiveness to him should allow him freedom too.

  We both work so he will cook dinner if I am tired and I believe that demonstrates his love the way Christ would love and I will respect his decisions because thats how I am supposed to submit to him. He has told me he didn't really like this one tv show I was watching, he didn't think it was something good. So I deleted it from my DVR. He didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to watch it, but he expressed his concern and I respected him by deleting it. If I had chosen to watch it, that would have been my decision and he would have probably thought that I didn't respect his opinion, but just like Christ, he gave me the option to listen or ignore.

  Those are my thoughts!

  
  

  

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