Rules

Replies:

• 
• by
  • shandion
  on Jul. 9, 2009 at 5:05 PM

• 
  

  Quoting ArtisticMom2005:
  
  

  I couldn't agree more with everything you said. This is one area I struggled with when I first was trying to become a more submissive wife. I wasn't sure how far to take it....how submissive was too much...etc.

  But as I've talked with people, my husband, read scripture, etc. I feel the same way you do.

   

  My husband doesn't give me rules but when he asks me to do something for him I usually do. I do most things because I love him and my children and want the best for them not because I'm instructed or ordered to do so. (Please don't think I'm talking down about anyone's marriage...I know different things work for different people and as long as both parties are in agreement rules might work for you and that's great...it's just not the way my husband and I choose to have our marriage).

  I know he expects that I'm not going to yell at him, call him names, or disrespect him. Sometimes I still do when I'm upset with him (I'm working on that...mostly the yelling and disrespecting..not so much the name-calling) But when I do stumble he doesn't like punish me or anything. It just harms our marriage so I try to work hard on showing him love and respect...especially because I want our children to see a good example of a loving Christian marriage as they grow. As far as housework...I dont have any rules there. When he needs something clean laundry-wise he'll tell me and even if I haven't gotten to that load yet I'll bump it up on my list to get it done for him. I try to keep up with the laundry, dishes, house-cleaning, etc. However, with three children under 4, own my own business, and my husband gone most of the day working it's hard to keep everything perfect and he's very understanding about that. I just started working out again (TaeBo..yeah..I'm excited) but it's not because he's said anything about my appearance. It's just for me. He tells me I'm beautiful just the way I am all the time. I generally don't wear "revealing" clothing so that's really not even an issue. As far as disciplining the children, I mostly make the rules since I'm home with them. I fill him in on what I've been working on with them so we're on the same page and if it's anything major we talk about it together and then he has the final say but will take into consideration what I've said. Everything else he makes the final decision but will consult me and wants to know what I think on something before he makes a decision. :-)

  The more I wrote the more I realized what an awesome husband I have. :-)

  Quoting shandion:
  
  

  I don't have rules. I find it interesting that people have "rules" to follow. That doesn't seem like the kind of submissiveness I see in the Bible, in my opinion. I can understand doing things that are respectful, putting your husband first, reverencing, and all that, but I don't see where it says to follow a bunch of strict rules in a marriage. In fact, if our marriages are supposed to be an example of Christ and the church, yes there are things we are supposed to do as Christians, but when Jesus died, it gave us freedom from the strict "rules" that were in the OT. God doesnt give us a strict list of  things we must do in order to please him, he tells us to Love (which is probably the hardest thing to do to since love pretty much covers it all) so if we are doing that, I think that covers it.

  I totally think the wife should be submissive and the husband should be the leader, I just can't imagine my husband dictating my life in the small things. His love for me should give me freedom to do certain things and my love and submissiveness to him should allow him freedom too.

  We both work so he will cook dinner if I am tired and I believe that demonstrates his love the way Christ would love and I will respect his decisions because thats how I am supposed to submit to him. He has told me he didn't really like this one tv show I was watching, he didn't think it was something good. So I deleted it from my DVR. He didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to watch it, but he expressed his concern and I respected him by deleting it. If I had chosen to watch it, that would have been my decision and he would have probably thought that I didn't respect his opinion, but just like Christ, he gave me the option to listen or ignore.

  Those are my thoughts!

   

  
  Shew.. I am glad you think the same.. I thought I was going to get bashed :)

  Yeah, I dont want to come down on other people's marriages, I just don't see the correllation with biblical submissiveness and controlling rules.

• 
• by
  • JoJo1990
  on Jul. 10, 2009 at 2:25 AM

• 
  

  Quoting shandion:
  
  

   

  Quoting ArtisticMom2005:
  
  

  I couldn't agree more with everything you said. This is one area I struggled with when I first was trying to become a more submissive wife. I wasn't sure how far to take it....how submissive was too much...etc.

  But as I've talked with people, my husband, read scripture, etc. I feel the same way you do.

   

  My husband doesn't give me rules but when he asks me to do something for him I usually do. I do most things because I love him and my children and want the best for them not because I'm instructed or ordered to do so. (Please don't think I'm talking down about anyone's marriage...I know different things work for different people and as long as both parties are in agreement rules might work for you and that's great...it's just not the way my husband and I choose to have our marriage).

  I know he expects that I'm not going to yell at him, call him names, or disrespect him. Sometimes I still do when I'm upset with him (I'm working on that...mostly the yelling and disrespecting..not so much the name-calling) But when I do stumble he doesn't like punish me or anything. It just harms our marriage so I try to work hard on showing him love and respect...especially because I want our children to see a good example of a loving Christian marriage as they grow. As far as housework...I dont have any rules there. When he needs something clean laundry-wise he'll tell me and even if I haven't gotten to that load yet I'll bump it up on my list to get it done for him. I try to keep up with the laundry, dishes, house-cleaning, etc. However, with three children under 4, own my own business, and my husband gone most of the day working it's hard to keep everything perfect and he's very understanding about that. I just started working out again (TaeBo..yeah..I'm excited) but it's not because he's said anything about my appearance. It's just for me. He tells me I'm beautiful just the way I am all the time. I generally don't wear "revealing" clothing so that's really not even an issue. As far as disciplining the children, I mostly make the rules since I'm home with them. I fill him in on what I've been working on with them so we're on the same page and if it's anything major we talk about it together and then he has the final say but will take into consideration what I've said. Everything else he makes the final decision but will consult me and wants to know what I think on something before he makes a decision. :-)

  The more I wrote the more I realized what an awesome husband I have. :-)

  Quoting shandion:
  
  

  I don't have rules. I find it interesting that people have "rules" to follow. That doesn't seem like the kind of submissiveness I see in the Bible, in my opinion. I can understand doing things that are respectful, putting your husband first, reverencing, and all that, but I don't see where it says to follow a bunch of strict rules in a marriage. In fact, if our marriages are supposed to be an example of Christ and the church, yes there are things we are supposed to do as Christians, but when Jesus died, it gave us freedom from the strict "rules" that were in the OT. God doesnt give us a strict list of  things we must do in order to please him, he tells us to Love (which is probably the hardest thing to do to since love pretty much covers it all) so if we are doing that, I think that covers it.

  I totally think the wife should be submissive and the husband should be the leader, I just can't imagine my husband dictating my life in the small things. His love for me should give me freedom to do certain things and my love and submissiveness to him should allow him freedom too.

  We both work so he will cook dinner if I am tired and I believe that demonstrates his love the way Christ would love and I will respect his decisions because thats how I am supposed to submit to him. He has told me he didn't really like this one tv show I was watching, he didn't think it was something good. So I deleted it from my DVR. He didn't tell me I wasn't allowed to watch it, but he expressed his concern and I respected him by deleting it. If I had chosen to watch it, that would have been my decision and he would have probably thought that I didn't respect his opinion, but just like Christ, he gave me the option to listen or ignore.

  Those are my thoughts!

   

  
  Shew.. I am glad you think the same.. I thought I was going to get bashed :)

  Yeah, I dont want to come down on other people's marriages, I just don't see the correllation with biblical submissiveness and controlling rules.

  I feel the same as you ladies. I am trying to bring my level of submissiveness up but the "rules" thing wasn'twhat I was getting from my bible study either. Considering him before myself, that's where I am.

  “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation.I will be honored throughout the world.”
  Psalm 46:10
  

• 
• by
  • MOMMYOFMANY67
  on Jul. 10, 2009 at 5:36 PM

• I do not want anyone "bashing " anyone, however where I agree with Shandions post mostly. I do disagree with the tone of it. IMO in the bible it says to OBEY your husband as unto the Lord. You can put that any way you want to. but if your husband DOES say do the dishes everyday by such n such time. that would be a rule and something you should OBEY . hence the word. Now I believe a marriage should be all about sharing, loving and respect for eachothers feelings. My husband will do laundry or clean or take care of the kids right with me. He loves me and protects me and supports me. We are a team. and most of the time I WANT to make him happy. but that does not change the fact that if I am to OBEY HIM AS UNTO THE LORD. I would obey the Lord pretty quickly. even if I did not agree, or had questions or concerns or worries.....I WOULD JUST DO IT. and in the bible Sarah called Abraham Lord and it states we are to be unto our husbands as Sarah our sister in Christ was to her husband. and we older women should teach the younger ones to be good keepers at home and to submit to your husband. Its not all about the RULES. its about submission, and putting down your pride long enough where if you see the word RULES . your womens lib inner child, doesn't hop up to your defense. again. no bashing. here I believe we are all in different places in the Lord. and the Lord will move people to be more and more submissive , or less as he sees fit. In his time. Love Julie   I just wanted to express MY point of view . on where I get my ideas from. Love Julie

  

  
  

• 
• by
  • shandion
  on Jul. 13, 2009 at 1:48 PM

• 
  

  Quoting MOMMYOFMANY67:
  
  

  I do not want anyone "bashing " anyone, however where I agree with Shandions post mostly. I do disagree with the tone of it. IMO in the bible it says to OBEY your husband as unto the Lord. You can put that any way you want to. but if your husband DOES say do the dishes everyday by such n such time. that would be a rule and something you should OBEY . hence the word. Now I believe a marriage should be all about sharing, loving and respect for eachothers feelings. My husband will do laundry or clean or take care of the kids right with me. He loves me and protects me and supports me. We are a team. and most of the time I WANT to make him happy. but that does not change the fact that if I am to OBEY HIM AS UNTO THE LORD. I would obey the Lord pretty quickly. even if I did not agree, or had questions or concerns or worries.....I WOULD JUST DO IT. and in the bible Sarah called Abraham Lord and it states we are to be unto our husbands as Sarah our sister in Christ was to her husband. and we older women should teach the younger ones to be good keepers at home and to submit to your husband. Its not all about the RULES. its about submission, and putting down your pride long enough where if you see the word RULES . your womens lib inner child, doesn't hop up to your defense. again. no bashing. here I believe we are all in different places in the Lord. and the Lord will move people to be more and more submissive , or less as he sees fit. In his time. Love Julie   I just wanted to express MY point of view . on where I get my ideas from. Love Julie

  Oh and to clarify... I am not in any way saying you should disobey the rules you are given for those of you who have them.
  

• 
• by
  • mommy2isabella
  on Jul. 15, 2009 at 1:47 AM

• I can't speak for other mom's but I would like to explain why we made rules. It started out as a joke but soon become something we started living. I was having trouble getting organized and since these rules have come into play my home life is smoother. For me having rules is not a big deal because it works for us. Now a year ago if you would have told me we would have rules, I would have been shocked. But DH has rules as well. It's just something that helped us strengthen our marriage, If you want me to explain better feel free to PM me. 

     *Happily married to Erik and proud mommy of a toddler and an infant* Isabella and Camden*

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