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teens and outright rebellion and anger issues

Posted by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 7:08 PM
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Hi everyone,

 I am wondering what one does when their teen outright rebels after you ask them to do something. 
Here is a scenerio.
   My son is 13, strong willed, much like me in personality.  He wasnt feeling well due to eating the wrong thing last night and got reflux.  This summer he is in performing arts and the performances are in 3 weeks.  He had to go in this afternoon for  a costume check from 2- 8 pm there are over 90 performers so thats a lot of checking to be sure its all up to par in what the director envisioned for the play Suessical the Musical.  He refused to go, I told him he had to because the most recent parent letter said that from here on out no abscenses unless it is an emergancy.  He sat on the couch and would not budge and I asked him several time to get up and get his shoes on and lets go.  Said NO wouldnt move wouldnt obey.  It really made me angry because I feel out of control when he gets that controlling and I feel I cannot do anything about it.   Last week he flipped out when I took his computer privilages away.  He called me every name in the book and banged walls kicked doors and broke the wooden headboard on his bed and yeah you get the picture. Violant anger.  I was that way when I was his age as well.

I just am at a loss to what to do. We are considering counseling and  sending him to a christian school in the fall. 

Anyone with any encouragement, support and advise... prayer is needed to because we are fed up with it.  The night he flipped out my husband wasnt home , just my 2 boys and I and my youngest and I got scared. we did not know what my oldest was capable of.

So you get thepicture!

Blessings all


by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 7:08 PM
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Replies (1-8):
by Member on Jul. 29, 2007 at 8:36 PM
ok the first thing is your right.......prayer is needed.....He needs to be prayed on, prayed with. and encouraged to do anything that has to do with God. He is at the age where the devil is fighting for him........and it is hard enough being a teenager these days......but you add the fact that the devil knows he is a child of a praying mother.........he will have it even worse. IMO only.......If My child kicked the wall and slammed doors and called me names..........I would burn the computer and/or he would not use it EVER AGAIN or until months went by and he showed me that he was sorry and had a different attitude.  Now on his side......I would try to talk to him about normal stuff as much as possible. and how does he feel about this play? or whatever it is? If he is not into it.......I would let him drop out........only because we pick our battles. and I would want to try and force him to go to be home at a decent hour. to speak to me respectfully.........but I would let him pick his own activities or hobbies......let us know .............and I will pray for him

Matthew 6:26 

"look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.  Are you not much more valuable than they?"

by on Jul. 29, 2007 at 8:50 PM
my problem is  my husband doesnt agree with me on a lot of discipline issues. We did take his computer privalages away for 3 days.  He was much nicer person then.  He wants to drop out however, he is a computer addict and would rather sit inside and play runescape all day then do anything else which is why I have encouraged him to stick with this and I am attempting to teach him to follow through on commitment. After this summer he never has to go back to performing arts again.  He has dropped out of many activities in the past year and they are ones he loves.. baseball, tae kwon do , music and performing arts.  So it makes it difficult for me for sure.  He has limited time on his laptop... it has vista which has built in parental controls , I was thrilled. So he isnt on till 3 am anymore. It nearly cost him 7th grade. 
So yeah its trying and yes he needs prayer and we all need a church again!!!!  I know he believes he just doesnt want the commitment but to do nothing.

by Member on Jul. 29, 2007 at 9:05 PM
I am going through a similar situation with my step son.  He has an anger control issue as well.  I lose it sometimes and other times, I take a deep breath and talk calmly with him.  He eventually calms down and comes to me and apologizes.  I find myself talking to God to please help me with him because I know I am here for a reason in his life but I get so frustrated with the violent outbursts.  I have the Power of a Praying Parent book, I may need to pick it up again as a refresher because to be honest with you I have not literaly been on my knees in a while.  I find I am learning to talk with God throughout the day during all of my routines, this way I am praying without ceasing.  If you feel comfortable doing so, pray with him.
by on Jul. 30, 2007 at 10:07 AM
I have so much compassion for you. I am sure it must be hard to not know what to do and all of us feel that way sometimes too. I have not had to deal with the anger outbursts but one thing you did mention was that you and DH did not agree on discipline procedures.. That would be the thing I would work on too. How does he want to handle him? If his dad would take a bit of a stand and let him know that his behavior is not going to be tolerated, then it would really go a long way. He is not afraid of you and your consequences, but he might be more reverant of his father. I know my kids respond way quicker to their dads voice than mine. You and him getting on the same page is essential to this finding a solution. Let us know if there is anything we can do to support you...
by Member on Aug. 1, 2007 at 4:38 PM

I sympathize with you.  I have a 12-year-old dd who exhibits some of the same behaviors.  I do think that you are right with trying to teach him to stick to a commitment.  That is so important because in today's society it has become so exceptable to not follow through, just look at the divorce rate in our country and I am part of those statistics because I am divorced but we have to start back with teaching our children what making a commitment means and to think it through before you commit to it.  I also take priviledges away too.  Sometimes my dd goes for months with nothing in her room but her bed and her dresser, no portable music players of any kind, no computer, no TV time, no phone, no cell phone and depending on her attitude she may or may no be able to join the rest of the family in the living room for anykind of TV time.  The only thing that she has every really had in her room was a small TV with limited channels and a radio/CD player.  But I let her and the other children know that certain behavior will not be tolerated in my house, their happiness in the house depends on them cause sitting in a room and staring at wall ain't so fun.  I try to put the ball back in their court so to speak and they know that certain things are necessities i.e. I have to feed them, clothe them and give them a clean, healthy place to sleep and certain things are priviledges i.e. phones, computers, TVs, mp3s, iPods, outings and footballs games, dance classes, etc. and I don't have to give them priviledges, but they can earn priviledges.  But even at that there are still some hard times and I have to do my best to try to stand firm and then I pray a WHOLE LOT!!!!!  I pray just as much for myself and how I should handle a situation and how He wants me to handle a situation as I do for my children.  Good luck and stand your ground.  I hope for you too that you and your dh can come to some common ground on how to discipline, if your children know that you don't agree they will use it against you, big time.  I wish you all the best, let us know how it goes and give us the praise reports that I know will be coming in the near future.
Love your kids today like tomorrow will never happen.
by on Aug. 2, 2007 at 1:56 PM
I just want to thank you ladies for your encouraging replies. It helps to know I am not alone in this endeavor!  Thanks again and may God bless each of you!!!

In Christ
by Member on Nov. 8, 2007 at 7:22 PM
I feel as though I am reading about all issues concerning MY 14 year old.  He has ADHD and I pray all the time just for peace in our house.  Him and his stepfather are always at odds with each other.  My son is about 5'11 and is beginning to tower over everyone in the house.  My husband is a very strong willed person and he doesn't take any crap.  My son has his game taken away at least once a month for 1 to 3 weeks.  I don't let him play during the week because he would never get any homework done.  He will get an attitude whenever I take it away so I just take his TV away too.  Then he drives his little brother crazy and that in turn drives me crazy.  He'll slam the door if we tell him to go to bed before 10 (usually we just want peace).  He has attempted to be physically defiant with my husband before but was shut down.  My husband just held him down until he calmed down.  But I don't like it and that is what I mostly want peace from.  I just found out that he is not passing his math class and the quarter is already over.  So there goes the TV (the game went last week). 

So I would only reiterate what previous post said, be strong and pray a lot.  I have also read the power of a praying parent.  It helped with my prayers.  My son was baptized a few months ago and he still doesn't read the bible or pray.  I told him that he has already made a commitment to God that he is not honoring and I no longer let him take communion.  We go to Church on Sunday and he does participate (when we get there early enough), in Sunday bible class.  I pray for his soul. 

Good luck Shannon and God Bless.  I will keep you in my prayers.
by on Nov. 9, 2007 at 6:32 PM
HI we had a similiar situation with our daughter who is 20. SHe been in a christiaqn school all her life and knows about the Lord bur she is rebelly against God and us a little. She met a guy who isnt a christian is picking up some of his bad characterists. She gets real angery when we try to tell her how to do things the right way. She is working now so now she has her own place but she doesnt want to listen to us very well. we quit talking to her about the Lord because she knows the turth but want to do things her own way. Right now the only thing we can do is let her go and put her in Gods hand and trust that God will take care of her. Right now he teacher her some real hard lessons and we have to back off and let god do is work. It is hard. It takes tough love.for younger  kids takiing privlages away is the way to go. It is hard I know . prayer is a good weapon against the enemy he is attacking teenager all over the world.   keep prayering
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