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I will tell you my story!

Posted by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 1:13 AM
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Hello! My name is Jai. I have been married nearly a year, i have a 3 nearly 4 year old daughter and a baby on the way. I am 21!
On may 9th of 2006 my mother died of cancer. She was 59, and i was 19. Less than a month before my 20th birthday. And only a few days before mothers day!
My mother was diagnosed with matastisized bowel cancer in March of 06. It was everywere. Bowel, liver, lungs, spine ,and brain! The fight was short, and God took her from me.
My mother was all i have ever had. Before I was married, she was my everything aside from my daughter. She was my best friend, we had a very deep relationship. Not like most mother and daughter.
When my mother was taken from me, i lost half of my heart. I miss her so incredibly much. She was such a huge part of my life. To this day I will pick up the phone and start to dial her number and remember she isnt there. Sometimes i forget that she is out of my reach. Everyone said that it gets easier with time. It doesnt, not for me.
When i arrived at the hospital, it was 2am. And i just sat there and held her hand. I waited for her to wake up, and tell me she loved me. But she never did. I remember the breathes she took in and out as her body shut down. God it was horrible. I wish they had called me sooner. So i could see her one more time before she started to go! I miss her so much and still dont understand why she had to go. 
I miss her laugh, her smile, they way she was. She was such a beautiful person. I still havent forgave God. I am trying to but dont know when that will happen. I miss her and wish she could come home.
I mostly wish my kids would have got to know her. My Emma still talks about her, but i know she doesnt really remember! She was only 2 when she died! And i was 2 when my father passed away and i dont remember.

I just wish she were here with me now, and i know i am lonely right now with my dh not home so I think about stuff more! I want my kids to know her, and she was really all of my family, and now without her, it seems like something is missing! I hope this gets easier. That is just the short version!

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by on Jul. 25, 2007 at 1:13 AM
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by on Jan. 22, 2008 at 11:35 AM
unfortantly my mother never got to see her granddaughter. i was 13 when my mom died. it was hard for me. i was enttering teenhood with no mother. she was an angel. she was very good to me and my dad. i would ride the bus to my grandmas house after school, when  i got there i would always call her work. i did that for months after she died, i would also call hercell phone just hear her voicemail. my momdied of a rare deises called plasminagine blood defficency. so she basicly bleed to death. her vains were to thin and her blood was like water. eventually after about two years in and out of hospitals and specielty clinics, a artery inside burst ad thy couldnt stop the beeding. i stayed with my aunt while my ddad stayed in the hospital. the phone rang at about 2am. when i got to the hospital my whole family was there crying, i sat and waited. i saw her before she died but she was already gone. they had to put a football helmet on her head to hold the tubes going into her throat. at 4am on december fourth 2001 my mother past away. my life was forever difrent. i had nobody, my dad turned crazy and started beating me, that went on untill i moved out at 18, he started dating almost right aay to fill his void, always pushing me aside and never putting me first. my heart was so broke. i cried myself to sleep for almost a year. the only person i could turn to was god. he was all i had. my prayers to him helpeed me threw everything. he had bigger and better plans for her. and in a way ii thank him because he took my moms pain away. how selfish of me would it be to ask her to still be here. she was in so much pain all the time. so many surgerys so much pain. on her grave stone it says "marilee, your faith has healed you. go now and be freed from your suffering" there was a time when i would pray every night for her to take me with her. one night i had a dream, she came down, she looked so beutifull. without saying a word she offered to take me with her, as i started to rise i relized that god had plans for me here on earth and i was ment for other things. i never again asked to go with her. i truly belive if i went with her i would have died in my sleep. god is your everything he will make all your pain go away in time.
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