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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Running out of options...

Posted by on Oct. 23, 2010 at 11:09 AM
  • 19 Replies

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was set on a natural birth. No pain killers, no IVs, being able to move and drink, absolutely no episiotomy, no Csection unless it's a medical emergency, waiting to cut the cord, being able to spend at least an hour with my baby and breastfeed before she is taken to be weighed and measured. There are no midwives in my area. The closest midwife is 45 minutes away, and she still births in a small hospital. The closest midwife group that has their own birthing center is an hour and 45 minutes away. I have not talked to my doctor about my birth plan yet, but when I preregistered for the hospital here a few days ago I asked them a few questions. No drinking or eating allowed at all. Only ice chips. I will be required to have an IV, if I refuse, then they will not treat me, which I know is true, I refused one for an ER visit in September when I went for severe abdominal pain and they sent me home and told me there was nothing they could do. They don't have birthing tubs. My options at this hospital are basically laying in a bed with an IV, being blown up like a balloon because they won't let me drink water. There are no hospitals within driving distancein active labor that will accomidate me. If one exists in this state at all.

My fiance doesn't understand my reasons for wanting a natural birth with no pain killers. He said he would want everything they could give him if he was giving birth. I really think he is going to have a major problem seeing me in pain. He freaks out now if I have any discomfort. He keeps telling me that I'm just being hormonal and people give birth like that in that hospital every day. That's not a comforting thought to me. My friends and family keep telling me I won't be able to handle it, that I will want the drugs. Everyone is trying to push the way they gave birth on me. I keep watching shows on natural births, half the time the woman gives birth, and everything is fine, the other half give up and end up getting the epidural. I always thought I had a high pain tolerance, but now I'm wondering if this is something I can handle. What if I can't? I'm going to hear "I told you so" for a year or more. I really want to breastfeed, but my nipples have been pierced twice and there is quite a lot of scar tissue, so I won't know if I actually can breastfeed until the day comes. I feel like I spent so much time making these plans, and now they're unraveling before I even get there.

CafeMom Tickers
by on Oct. 23, 2010 at 11:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mostlymaydays
by Bronze Member on Oct. 23, 2010 at 11:27 AM
Your nipples have lots of pores so I would be shocked if your scar tissue could be so prolific as to inhibit breastfeeding. Ok, the birth part: more women in the world have birthed WITHOUT the interventions of a hospital than with. The drugs and iv's and the rest are relatively new to the birthing scene (hiatorically speaking, <100 yrs, compared to hundreds and thousands of years without). Without a moment's hesitation I would drive 45 minutes to be seen by a provider better than what you described. And my labors are less than 4 hours, and i would still make that drive. Very few women (but some!) would not be able to make that drive. My first birth had some intentions, 10 yrs ago, and I still feel traumatized and butchered and robbed of my beautiful birth story of my first baby. Mandatory IV's?!? They might as well just cut to the chase and open a mandatory c-section clinic.
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Ati_13
by on Oct. 23, 2010 at 11:43 AM

 

Quoting Daeraelle:

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was set on a natural birth. No pain killers, no IVs, being able to move and drink, absolutely no episiotomy, no Csection unless it's a medical emergency, waiting to cut the cord, being able to spend at least an hour with my baby and breastfeed before she is taken to be weighed and measured. There are no midwives in my area. The closest midwife is 45 minutes away, and she still births in a small hospital. The closest midwife group that has their own birthing center is an hour and 45 minutes away. Have you considered a home birth midwife?  They come to YOU. I have not talked to my doctor about my birth plan yet, but when I preregistered for the hospital here a few days ago I asked them a few questions. No drinking or eating allowed at all. They can't force that on you.  It's only a rule if you comply with it.  Only ice chips. I will be required to have an IV, if I refuse, then they will not treat me, which I know is true, I refused one for an ER visit in September when I went for severe abdominal pain and they sent me home and told me there was nothing they could do. There is a law forbidding that.  If they sent you home and said that there was nothing they could do it was because it wasn't a serious condition and there was nothing they could do.  If you are in active labor that HAVE to treat you, even if you refuse an IV, fetal monitoring, whatever.  It's called the Emergency Treatment and Active Labor Act or something.  They can't not treat you, I promise.They don't have birthing tubs. My options at this hospital are basically laying in a bed with an IV, being blown up like a balloon because they won't let me drink water. You have way more options than that.  They just don't want to tell youa bout them.  There are no hospitals within driving distancein active labor that will accomidate me. If one exists in this state at all.

My fiance doesn't understand my reasons for wanting a natural birth with no pain killers. He said he would want everything they could give him if he was giving birth. I really think he is going to have a major problem seeing me in pain. He freaks out now if I have any discomfort. HIRE A DOULA.  NOW.  Partners are not trained to know what to do in labor.  A doula is.  She will be able to help you stick to your plan.  He keeps telling me that I'm just being hormonal and people give birth like that in that hospital every day. Doesn't matter. This is YOU and YOUR BIRTH.  It's not everyone (or anyone) else's and you deserve to get to do it your way. That's not a comforting thought to me. My friends and family keep telling me I won't be able to handle it, that I will want the drugs. Everyone is trying to push the way they gave birth on me. I keep watching shows on natural births, half the time the woman gives birth, and everything is fine, the other half give up and end up getting the epidural. I always thought I had a high pain tolerance, but now I'm wondering if this is something I can handle. What if I can't? Don't do that to yourself.  OF COURSE YOU CAN HANDLE IT!  Women have handled it for many, many generations.  My grandmother is the only woman who recieved any type of pain medication in my family line all the way back to the very first woman.  You can do this, OF COURSE you can do this.  Home births are more relaxed and most women report less pain with home birth than hospital births, just because you are in your own safe setting and feel more in control.  I'm going to hear "I told you so" for a year or more. I really want to breastfeed, but my nipples have been pierced twice and there is quite a lot of scar tissue, so I won't know if I actually can breastfeed until the day comes. Nipple piercings are usually not a problem for breastfeeding.  See an IBCLC before your baby is born if you need some reassurance, but I have yet to see a mom who had her nipples pierced not be able to breastfeed.  I feel like I spent so much time making these plans, and now they're unraveling before I even get there.  Quit listening to everyone else!  The doctor, hospital, your SO your family... none of them are the boss of you.  I really think you should look into a home birth.  And if that's not possible, just go in to the hospital with a doula who will help you stick up for yourself.  Leave hubby at home if you have to.  You can do this and there's no reason not to.

 

Daeraelle
by on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:19 PM

There are no local doulas listed anywhere at all. No midwife to direct me where to look if there are any that just aren't online or listed. The hospital is also no help whatsoever with that issue. The hospital that the midwife delivers in 45 minutes away has the same policies as this hospital.

The first time I went to the ER here right after I found out I was pregnant, discharged me without telling me I had a urinary tract infection. I didn't find out until after I went back because I was still in pain and the second time around refused a catheter and IV and they had me sign a paper stating I was not allowing the doctor on staff to treat me and sent me home. Then I got my medical records. I found the first time I was there, I had a UTI and an elevated WBC count that I had no idea of, and they thought I had a blighted ovum, which they also didn't tell me. They told me everything looked fine.

I'm on medicaid. This was not a planned pregnancy at all. I was supposed to be infertile, so we haven't been worried about the possibility of pregnancy. I was with my first husband for almost 5 years and never had a baby, and with my fiance for two years. I can't afford to go out of pocket for anything extra right now, and medicaid will not pay for a doula, and they definately won't pay travel expenses for one to drive to me. If I use a midwife, they have to take medicaid. Midwives aren't common here by any means, and medicaid is still not accepted by every healthcare professional.

At this point I'm just crossing my fingers that in January my fiance gets promoted and is able to take a position in Savannah so that I could switch to the midwife group there, if they will take me. I'm hoping I don't have any more complications and everything goes smoothly. Because of my PCOS I'm still considered high risk for miscarriage and gestational diabetes by my OBGYN.

I just knew with getting them pierced once it usually wasn't a problem, but when we tried fertility drugs a year and a half ago when we were in a better economic situation I took them out. After fertility treatments failed, and after so many years of trying, I had given up. So I got my nipples pierced again, through the scar tissue. I had just heard that having too much scar tissue from multiple piercings could cause issues with breastfeeding. I took them out again shortly after getting pregnant because my nipples were so sore I couldn't stand them being there. I haven't made an appointment with the lactation consultant here because she works in the hospital, and right now I just don't have ANY faith whatsoever in anything that has anything to do with that hospital.

Daeraelle
by on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:22 PM

That and when I was reviewing paperwork for charges and signing everything, I found out my doctor charges $500 more for a natural birth than a Csection. How much sense does that even make?

doulala
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:34 PM

Your SO is a part of mainstream culture so it's understandable.   BUT you can help him to understand that it's not as safe for the Baby or you to have a medicated delivery.
And that your enjoyment of the birth is really important to you.   
He doesn't understand what hormonal really means.

Yes, we are hormonal and it's very important to be so!

 

You can start working on educating him, get him to appreciate why this is so important for His Baby.   And between you & me, don't pan on his complete support.   Find a "doula."   A friend, another mom, some one.    She can help him through and be what you need when you need it if he doesn't deeply comprehend the significance.

 

You said MW group, what about individual practicing MWs?


doulala
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:36 PM

If I were you,  I would plan like you intend to have an UP and UC, even if you don't.
"Pretend" like you have no care provider and will do it yourself...

Your medical care is sub-par so do it yourself!   ;-)

Through your self-educating ad care your SO might learn something, too!

doulala
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:37 PM


Quoting Daeraelle:

That and when I was reviewing paperwork for charges and signing everything, I found out my doctor charges $500 more for a natural birth than a Csection. How much sense does that even make?

Sounds like a really great doctor.

 eye rolling








If you don't know your options, you don't have any.           ~Korte & Scaer

Mothers need to know that their care and their choices won't be compromised by birth politics.                                                                                            ~Jennifer Rosenberg

Midwives
see birth as a miracle and only mess with it if there's a problem;
doctors see birth as a problem and if they don't mess with it, it's a
miracle!     
~Barbara Harper

Daeraelle
by on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:46 PM

I know there is a midwife who operates out of a doctor's office in St. Marys that delivers at the hospital only. Then there is a midwife group in Savannah, which is double the distance, but they have their own birthing center and they do water births, the most important part is that they take medicaid though. They don't do homebirths. I know about them from the internet, I haven't shopped for another midwife in Savannah yet because it's not a sure thing that we will be moving there. I just know there isn't one here. The only birthing options in town are an OBGYN and the hospital. My regular OBGYN, an hour away, was my first choice. However he is moving his office farther away in December and felt more comfortable with me finding another doctor for my prenatal care. Being as far along as I was by the time I was approved for medicaid and could go, I took the appointment with the first doctor available. He's not a bad doctor, but it's different when you know your doctor. If I had the chance to build a professional relationship I would feel more comfortable walking in and handing him my birth plan and saying "Make it work." I don't want him to tell me to find another doctor because he can't do that.

Daeraelle
by on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:49 PM

I get upset and frustrated so easily, while I was having pains, and was making trips to the crappy ER here, because I was waiting on medicaid to see a doctor I kept telling everyone I was ready to completely just give up and not see a doctor at all. Because of that, I want to stay at home as long as I can before setting foot in the hospital, but this is my first child. I don't know how long is long enough. I keep having dreams that I am caught off guard and end up having the baby at home.

doulala
by Gold Member on Oct. 23, 2010 at 12:54 PM


Quoting Daeraelle:

I keep having dreams that I am caught off guard and end up having the baby at home.



Well, this would be an indication that things are soo good that there were no hurdles, no obsticles, and baby was ready to come (NOW!!), lol.

Having babies at home is how Nature / God designed us.  
We don't need bells and whistles.    Car drives and technology don't usually help~~

Having your baby at home by mistake would not be the end of the world.
And it's generally a good idea to read up on this no matter, just in case.   



There are ways to watch to see when it's probably a good time to leave.   A doula is a great helper with this...   

;- /





How DARE Mother Nature question SCIENCE!       ~Mike Tymeson

The impossible is often the untried.       ~Jim Goodwin


Women's bodies have their own wisdom, and a system of birth refined over 100,000 generations is not so easily overpowered.      ~Sarah Buckley

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