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i just cant get past my fear

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 12:38 AM
  • 10 Replies
i am due within the next couple weeks with my third child/ second natural vbac. while i know there is no way i will opt for medication .. . i am still so afraid of the pain that is coming my way. with my last birth.. . i basically began in transition at home. i awoke to a pop which was not my water breaking but we guess my cervix opening . . .came with very intense pain. contractions were every 2 minutes if not less. in less than half an hour i had to push. i was in shock and even though i had prepared for a natural birth, took my hypnobirth classes, studied up on everything i could think of to give myself confidence and knowledge. . . .the pain was so massively overwhelming. i had a great support system . .andthey will be here again with me for this birth. still. .. i remeber how much i fought the pain even knowing i shouldnt be. i was in flight mode til the end. i did not enjoy my son after he was born . . i wanted so much for someone to just knock me out! lol. i am not sure if it was all just due to how quickly it came on (labor lasted a total of less than 2 hours). i can guess this one may happen quickly. . i cvant know for sure. . but either way i am just terrified. i have worked so hard on this my entire pregnancy but i just cant seem to get past it. any ideas on how i can? i dont want to panic when it begins. . .i want to be excited. . i want to have a clear mind.
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by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 12:38 AM
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truealaskanmom
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 12:43 AM

There is a term for that type of birth and I cannot remember it, but I know that there are specific ways to deal with labors that are that intense and fast.  The one I know of is to get on your hands and knees find a focal spot and pant through the pain and try to pay attention to all the things around you to get you our of the moment.  I know that it is hard and painful, but just keep in mind especially in your case it will be over quick and only a memory.  You can do it, and I know you will.  I think it is normal to be afraid, I think once it starts you will be able to let go and embrace your birth experience. 

VelvetCat
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 12:55 AM
precipitous labor. thank you for your response. yea i have researched positions and everything to try and help me manage this one a little easier. . . still just scared. pain is not my friend. . lol.


Quoting truealaskanmom:

There is a term for that type of birth and I cannot remember it, but I know that there are specific ways to deal with labors that are that intense and fast.  The one I know of is to get on your hands and knees find a focal spot and pant through the pain and try to pay attention to all the things around you to get you our of the moment.  I know that it is hard and painful, but just keep in mind especially in your case it will be over quick and only a memory.  You can do it, and I know you will.  I think it is normal to be afraid, I think once it starts you will be able to let go and embrace your birth experience. 


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truealaskanmom
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:02 AM


Quoting VelvetCat:

precipitous labor. thank you for your response. yea i have researched positions and everything to try and help me manage this one a little easier. . . still just scared. pain is not my friend. . lol.


Quoting truealaskanmom:

There is a term for that type of birth and I cannot remember it, but I know that there are specific ways to deal with labors that are that intense and fast.  The one I know of is to get on your hands and knees find a focal spot and pant through the pain and try to pay attention to all the things around you to get you our of the moment.  I know that it is hard and painful, but just keep in mind especially in your case it will be over quick and only a memory.  You can do it, and I know you will.  I think it is normal to be afraid, I think once it starts you will be able to let go and embrace your birth experience. 


try to convince yourself that it isn't pain that it doesn't hurt that might get you through 20 mins which is a good reprieve.  I know what you mean pain sucks but at least labor pain is gone once labor is over thank goodness

palemoon21
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:03 AM

Focus on what you  DO want...not what you DON'T want.

Remember that the pain can not be bigger then you. You are in control and once you make peace with the fatc that you are fearful.....things will become more at peace. It's ok to be scared just know that you have to sometimes let go of the reigns to actually be in control. (I know that's confusing) lol

Good luck sweetie, you'll do just fine!!

Roadfamily6now
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:10 AM

excellent replies so far. I have had 3 really fast labors, with my last birth a 1 hour UC! Yes, I know intense. It is hard to control anything when your primal instincts take over.
I cannot really offer encouraging words, because being in that situation I had no control over myself either. I just know that if you try and fight it, it will feel worse. Trust in your body and trust in your support team. Know they will not let any harm come to you and just let yourself go.

HUGS!

doulala
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:32 AM

Yes you can.

Yes you can get past it, you just have not yet.

That's okay~   it might be nice if things were easier...   but I suppose that is not how Life works.


I can certainly see why you'd have these fears and concerns about pain.   Sure!   And I don't think it's always "easy" to surrender or work with natural coping techniques.   But we can.   And with help we will.

In my last birth, I was just so exhausted...   It was a wee (or two or three) past my EDD and I'd just hosted a big celebration at a theater with loads of people and all this stuff the night before.     (I had expected to be bringing a newborn to it, lol.)
But my frame-of-mind was f*@k it.   I am too tired to deal, I don't have any energy to even CARE about it now.  !!  
Naturally, haha, as my gaurd was down...   things started to happen. 

It was intense and I just couldn't fight it.   That was more effort than I was capable of.
So I didn't fight it, I felt like I was a spectator and things were happening on autopilot.   I just had to "get out of the way."

Focusing to permit this autopilot-business to happen was work, of course.    But I feel like some layers of the onion were peeled away, permitting surrender to be more possible, making things easier.

 

I guess I am saying all of this because I realize that once we say "I can't care too much anymore (because it IS going to happen no matter what)" we can adjust our plan.   We can choose to accept the labor, to "welcome" the intensity" to say:  "okay.  gr.   This is hard, but I will do it.   It is temporary and I WILL survive.   And then it will be behind me. "

 

 

 

 

Aneeways.
WHAT IF  you woke up in labor again.   What if that happened?
What?


My answer is: You would know that it's intense and temporary and you can work through it.

So yah, that would really suck, but you could do it if you must.

When you make a list (literally) of each concern, then go through each one, one at a time, slowwwly, thinking through the scenario and how you'd likely handle it, how you ideally might handle it, and yes, worse-case scenario, if the worst were to happen in each example, you will work through your issues.  

This is SO!!! helpful for me because I later realized that I had already "lived through" all these awful things and in "hindsight" (lol) could better deal.

 

You said that you fought the pain.
That is something you want to think about now, prenatally, to adjust that.   And to have help from your birth team with this especially, specifically, to work through in the moment.
Fighting the pain is counter-productive.   It makes it worse.   I know it seems unavoidable, but it is avoidable...    your helpers will remind you how to stay strong and get through.

 

 


~~now I have said too much.   I must go.


lol

doulala
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:32 AM

The Fear Tension Pain Cycle

By observing laboring women, Dr. Grantley Dick-Read theorized that the more fear a woman had, the more tense her body was and the more pain she felt during labor. But the muscular tension is not the only side effect of the fear that hinders labor.

When you experience fear, your body produces chemicals that change the way your body works. This response is generally termed the "fight or flight" response, and allows you to escape danger. It works by diverting blood away from the internal organs and out to the limbs to give you extra strength and speed. So right away, your uterus is trying to work with less oxygen.

The chemicals that are released also work to stop labor from happening. This may sound strange, but think about a wild animal laboring in the forest. If the animal senses danger, the "fight or flight" response can stop labor to allow the animal to retreat to a safe place. Once the danger is gone, labor resumes, the baby is born and both mother and baby are safe.

How does the fear tension pain cycle stop labor?

Basically, your uterus is not just one large muscle. It is made from two layers of muscles that run two different directions, one layer runs from the top to the bottom, the other around the sides. During labor the "top to bottom" muscles contract to push the baby down and pull the cervix back. After your baby is born the "around the sides" muscles contract to pull the cervix and uterus back into place.

The addition of the fear chemicals causes the "around the sides" muscles to contract during labor. In effect you have one muscle layer trying to open the cervix while one muscle layer tries to close the cervix. This makes for an extremely long, painful and unproductive labor.

What causes the fear tension pain cycle?

The bad news is that unlike a wild animal, humans do not need a threat to our existence to start the "fight or flight" response. Our highly developed brains allow us to be fearful of what COULD happen, not only what is happening. Many women begin their labors at a high stress level anyway, because they live their every day lives at such a heightened level of stress. Stress, anxiety, worry, fear; it doesn't matter what you call it, it can start the fear tension pain cycle in your labor.

Why makes fear tension pain a cycle?

The pain a woman experiences as a result of the stress, anxiety and fear only serves to confirm her deepest fears, that labor is horribly painful and she becomes more fearful of what lies ahead which leads to more pain - then more fear - then more pain. It is a vicious cycle that can be difficult to get out of.

doulala
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:34 AM


Quoting palemoon21:

Focus on what you  DO want...not what you DON'T want.

Remember that the pain can not be bigger then you. You are in control and once you make peace with the fatc that you are fearful.....things will become more at peace. It's ok to be scared just know that you have to sometimes let go of the reigns to actually be in control. (I know that's confusing) lol

Good luck sweetie, you'll do just fine!!


yes  !








Faith, Acceptance, Surrender         ~Unknown


Fear can be overcome only by Faith.         ~Dr. Grantly Dick-Read

Rain, after all is only rain; it is not bad weather. So also, pain is only pain; unless we resist it, then it becomes torment.            ~I Ching

If I don't know my options, I don't have any.          ~Diana Korte

doulala
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:35 AM


Quoting truealaskanmom:

There is a term for that type of birth and I cannot remember it, but I know that there are specific ways to deal with labors that are that intense and fast.  The one I know of is to get on your hands and knees find a focal spot and pant through the pain and try to pay attention to all the things around you to get you our of the moment.  I know that it is hard and painful, but just keep in mind especially in your case it will be over quick and only a memory.  You can do it, and I know you will.  I think it is normal to be afraid, I think once it starts you will be able to let go and embrace your birth experience. 

   yes  !!






Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength.

~Barbara Katz Rothma


When you change the way you view birth, the way you birth will change. -Mongan


Pandapanda
by on Nov. 18, 2010 at 1:35 AM

HUGS mama! You can do this! Doulala has already posted great information. Have you spoken to your care provider about your fears? He/she is there to help make this as good of an experience as possible.

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