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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Shes young..pregnant...And surrounded my bad people...UPDATED-AGAIN!

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Lol..Thats the best interesting title I could come up with.

My step daughter is 18 and found out she is pregnant last night...She lives with her mother(whom forced her to have an abortion when she was 15)...Her mother and that side of her family is major "hospital/doctor/ norm"...

Then there is me..Natural birthing cloth diapering momma...She is willing to learn and see her options. I want to show her all of her options. I want to show her statistics and information on Pitocin/Epi's/Cesareans/tearing/episiotomy/midwives/ETC...

We are in Maryland(Baltimore area) if anyone is around here...

I dont know where to find all this information..Does anyone have any good websites/videos?

THANKS!!!


So after her mom found out she turned off her cell phone and wouldnt allow her to leave the house(in cali). She wouldnt allow her to call anyone, including her father. She was texting me and her boyfriend the night her and her mom were fighting. She was telling me how she wanted to rent the house next door to us and work at the daycare that my mother and I are opening so that she could stay with her baby. She was telling her boyfriend that they were going to get married, they picked out a crib, they picked names. She was happy.After these texts that night her phone was shut off.

My husband called her 20 times and left maybe 8 messages she wouldnt reply. He called her mothers parents and they wouldnt answer. Even her Mothers sister...Same...Well her boyfriend contacts me through facebook. And he comes over last night to meet my husband and I. He is a great guy. He comes from a strong, loving supportive family, She and he had all the support they would ever need. We were just worried about what was happening to her since we couldnt get ahole of her.

Her mother accidentally pocket dialed my husband when they were landing back here in MD from cali...last night at 11pm... while my step daugters boyfriend was still here. So we knew they were back. They were at the airport that is 3 minutes(literally) from our house. My step daughter could have walked away from her mother and called up from a payohone, she could have borrowed a cell or even talked to the many police there at the airport. ANYTHING! But she chose not too. We continued to call her mother and she wouldnt answer. Nor would she this morning.

Her mother finally calls my husband this morning and she tell him that "she started bleeding this morning and she went to the ob"..All alone...pregnant..bleeding...no cell phne..BULLSHIT!

He calls back 4 hours later(my step daughter was suppose to call us) and her mother simply says "She terminated her pregnancy".

I am so beyond angry right now. I cant even tell you. I am shaking. I am furious. I cant believe she killed another one of her babies. I dont think she EVER deserves the chance to have the joy of being a mother now. I know she was influenced by her mother. BUT the fact is she is 19(will be in 5 days) and she chose to do this. I think it is even worse because she was making plans with the father to marry him and they picked names etc etc. I even bought her baby clothes and ordered her cloth diapers.

She still hasnt talked to her father. Her mother just keeps saying she is "unavailable".

Ahh, Well. .She did not choose to have an abortion. She did have a miscarriage. Her mother was calling people telling them that she CHOSE to have a surgical abortion because she did not want her baby! She is a sick person.

However, My opinions stated above would still stand true if she HAD CHOSEN to have an abortion. Sorry if that bothers some people. But  that is my opinion. I am 23 years old. Only 4 1/2 years older than her. I had my first child when I was 17. I KNOW how hard teen pregnancy is, I KNOW how it feels to have people disapprove. She is not a 15 year old child anymore. She is a strong young woman. I was very proud of her and her choices that she was making. Her and I are very close and I was so excited for her! But when her mother told us that she chose to kill her baby I was livid. And yes, I do believe that if she chose to do that as a consenting adult then in MY OPINION she did not deserve to be a mother.

I am happy to say that she did not choose this. She had a miscarriage unfortunately. She is sad and hurting. I am here for her. She is doing better.

The sad thing is she is still choosing to live with her mother even after her mother doing this again...


by on Apr. 17, 2011 at 7:58 PM
Replies (51-56):
Ati_13
by on May. 5, 2011 at 8:52 PM

Not having the love of a parent leaves a gaping hole that some people will do anything to fill, including putting themselves adn their children at risk :(  It's very sad.  I hope your sister finds peace and the love she is looking for.

Quoting DixieFlower:

This was my middle sister with our father. My parents divorced when I was 5 she was 4. When she was 14 she decided she wanted to go and live with him because as she said "people change". Well when she's 16 we get a call from her gym coach at school which prompts my mom to contact AR CPS. CPS goes to her school, picks her up from there and takes her to the hospital for an exam. At that time she was given the option to move back with my mother or remain in CPS custody. She told them she wanted to stay in AR so she'd be close to our father. Fast forward to her being 18. She aged out of the system and then ended up pregnant. She calls my mom. We make arrangements for her to come home. She has her son and then when he's 16 months she ups and leaves him to be with a bf in Denmark. She ends up marrying him then one year later she's divorcing him. Where does she move?? Back to where my father lives. She now has two girls and has him around them even after what happened with her. She wants him in her life so badly that she completely ignores what he did to her, even puts her daughters at risk for the same thing all for that love. Which she will never have what she is looking for.

Quoting Ati_13:

Or maybe she moved and chooses to stay there because she wanted her mother to love her so desperately.  I mean, come on, this is a really thin theory here.  She left people who loved her so that she could drink and party?  And says there even after she could do those thngs without her mother in the picture at all?  No.  She went to live with her mother because SHE WANTED HER MOTHER.  She wanted the person who is supposed to love her most in this world to love her.  And then her mother emotionally abused her and it started the cycle.

You just don't understand at all and it's becoming increasingly clear that you don't want to.  You want this to be cut and dried, but people are not black and white.  This is not that simple.  It looks simple on the outside, but I guarantee there is more to it than just she wanted to screw off.   If you had ever had an abusive parent you would understand.



partera813
by on May. 5, 2011 at 9:42 PM
I am a breastfeeding, sleep with the baby until they get married mom.....but I also believe that EVERY woman deserves happiness, despite if they felt compelled to have a previous abortion. When you love someone, you love someone despite it all.....you don't have to love their choices, Jesus hated the sin, he did not hate the sinner. I myself would never have an abortion, but I respect the right to make choices. I was a midwife for many years. I truly love and respect life. I have adopted children. I have given birth. I adopted my last baby after her 15 year old mother gave birth....after she tried a "home" abortion. I pumped my breasts and took hormones prior to the birth and breastfed my adopted baby until she was three (yes, I know, perhaps too long!) That baby is now 19, and SHE has a baby. She became pregnant at 15. She wanted an abortion. I supported her in that decision. She changed her mind. I am happy that she changed her mind. There is now a 3 1/2 year old in my house. I have custody of her although mommy still lives here (thanks to the "home" abortion, mom has a learning disability, is very small (4'10) and immature....but I am happy to say that mom is now a college student, and baby has a mommy, a momma (me) a daddy (hubby) and a papi (baby's father). My point here is that I supported her in whatever her choice is.

The girl you mention, if she get's pregnant again, and you continue to spew what you are spewing, will once again turn to her mother for advice....why? because you will only love her if she does what you think is right.....don't get me wrong, I think her mom is a piece of poop for telling lies, for not offering her daughter other choices (as I did with my daughter). But I sense from you that there is a mother earth in you. BE mother earth and love all of the children.....even ones who make what you believe to be a bad choice.

But this, of course, is my opinion.
tiger_tatted1
by on May. 6, 2011 at 3:21 AM
You have your opinion and I have mine. I see things after years of living it and you see it after reading a tiny portion. It seems you are looking at things how they were for you though. Nothing wrong with that..just as my experiences play a role in my thought process'.

Im going to agree to disagree.


Quoting Ati_13:

Or maybe she moved and chooses to stay there because she wanted her mother to love her so desperately.  I mean, come on, this is a really thin theory here.  She left people who loved her so that she could drink and party?  And says there even after she could do those thngs without her mother in the picture at all?  No.  She went to live with her mother because SHE WANTED HER MOTHER.  She wanted the person who is supposed to love her most in this world to love her.  And then her mother emotionally abused her and it started the cycle.

You just don't understand at all and it's becoming increasingly clear that you don't want to.  You want this to be cut and dried, but people are not black and white.  This is not that simple.  It looks simple on the outside, but I guarantee there is more to it than just she wanted to screw off.   If you had ever had an abusive parent you would understand.

Quoting tiger_tatted1:

She lived with her father until she was 13. She never had a real relationship with her mother(parents separated at 3..father always had custody). When I came into the picture her mother didnt like that(11yo). She told her things would be different that she wanted to be a real mom...So her father (hoping she had changed) allowed her to live with her mother. She moved back in with us 9 months later. But she had gotten freedom at her mothers house that she didnt have at ours. She wasnt allowed to have boyfriends and go out on dates etc. So another 9 months later she moved in with her mother(or so we thought...she was with her grandparents)...just about 5 months later she gets pregnant and has the abortion...her mom and her were fighting(and her moms bf) so she did some things that ended up with the state getting invlolved...and 4 months after the abortion she moved back in with us....but as before she wanted to have bfs and have sex and drink and we wouldnt allow it. We also told her there was no more going back and forth(she was 16 now) well just 5 months after living with us she goes to her mothers for what was supposed to be a day and doesnt come back. She was not allowed to spend the night there(states orders) because her mother was supplying her alcohol...We chose not to go back to court and fight since she as 16 and would tell the judge that she wanted to live with her mother.  And we had spent $40,000 in just the previous 3 years because there were no agreements made between my husband and her mother. It was all through the courts.

So she is very capable of moving when she wants to get what she wants...She chooses to stay there because of what she is allowed to do and what she gets. I mentioned earlier that her mothers bf is a millionaire, So they have a nice house..She has parties...Her mother supplies them all alcohol. She allows her bf to spend the night...Etc etc.

I hope you understand a little better. I understand her mother does have a level control over her but she chooses to stay there for other reasons.


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tiger_tatted1
by on May. 6, 2011 at 3:23 AM
Im confused as to what this may lead to?


Quoting MyIslandGirls:

I think we should let this go actually. I can see that i may lead to something that none of us wants in the group.


It's unfortunate that your step daughter had a miscarriage and we all feel for her but i think maybe leaving the other side of the family out of this thread is a good idea. 


This thread should be about your step daughter and her relationship with you and her dad..and the fact that is she going through something right now.... not a gossip fest about the other side of the family... you know?


 


Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MyIslandGirls
by Bronze Member on May. 6, 2011 at 9:51 AM

Nothing good I can see.

You are basically gossiping about people you have no reason to gossip about. Refocus on your step daughter's loss.

tiger_tatted1
by on May. 6, 2011 at 3:23 PM


Quoting MyIslandGirls:

Nothing good I can see.

You are basically gossiping about people you have no reason to gossip about. Refocus on your step daughter's loss.

I was simply giving backround to another mom who was talking with me. I am not randomly "gossiping". I was shedding some light on what my sd has been through.

My step daughter is doing okay. She is having some reactions to little things that she has to do everyday but they are reminding her of the morning she started bleeding.

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