as of friday...*kind of graphic*
my dh is getting snipped...this friday he gets his vasectomy which he has wanted for a long time. its something we both agreed to and i really thought i was fine with it. i am pregnant with my second (due any day now) and we agreed to stop at two. hormonal bc makes me ill, natural family planning is out since i ovulate so infrequently, i am allergic to copper so paragaurd it not an option and i have to take hormone replacement to maintain a pregnancy (or will miscarry) and am not interested in being pregnant again because it is so hard on my body due to the adrenal fatique. plus my dh is 42 and doent want to be a 50 year old man having babies which i totally respect.
but last night i had this totally morbid dream where i gave birth to my son and he died. it was horrible....and in my dream i knew my dh could never give me another child because of the surgery. i woke up crying and felt so depressed. i know that i am super pregnant and emotional and totally over reacting to this dream but there is this tiny little part of me that wont let it go. what if something DOES go wrong and we lose the baby? then what? i would never again be able to try to give my son a sibling...just the thought makes me want to cry :(
its kind of a now or never thing sicnce we are losing our insurance within the next week and would not be able to afford to do it otherwise and i see so many pros to getting it done and over with so we dont ever have to worry about bc again....but that tiny little "what if" really is hard for me.
thanks for letting me vent...i dont want to burden my dh with it and needed to get it off my chest.