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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting
I'm sure I'm not going to say this the right way lol...

But I LOVE spending time with my daughter. Sure, it's nice to shower alone or have a solid hour where no one is touching me/needs anything. But I'm with her pretty much 24/7 (we even cosleep) and I don't get sick of being with her. We play, read, snuggle, go on errands or for walks...

Dh and I even go on a date once a month or so for a few hours, and we have tons of fun, but I'm always excited to get home and kiss her. And he's the same - he's working on starting his own company so he can be home with us.

But it doesn't seem that way with any of our friends. They're always talking about wanting a break from their kids or how much they need a vacation or weekend away without their kid (some even do on a regular basis - leave their kid with their parents and go out of town for a concert or hotel stay). How we need to plan more nights where the kids go to a sitters so we can have adult time (we all get together once a week with dh's and kids).

I know they love their kids, it just feels like they're more of a nuisance to them. When they fuss, they just put a paci in their mouth. They put them in their bouncy seats or entertainers so they can socialize or do something else. They sleep train them so they can get them to sleep through the night as young as possible. They complain when they're exploring and getting into stuff, but they don't get on the floor and play with them.

I just don't get it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 26, 2012 at 11:04 PM
Replies (21-30):
sreichelt26
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2012 at 9:57 AM
I never said I was a better parent. I just don't understand why someone would want to have kids if they never want to be around them. And not in a judgey way - I'm honestly curious because I can't wrap my brain around it.

Quoting ilostmy_keys:

I wont lie - the judge-y "Im a better mom than anyone else because I xyz" is getting pretty old in here. Who cares if parents use bouncy seats or if they hold their kid 24/7?? It is like some moms are constantly having to validate their choices. Is this your first child?
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Sarah725
by Group Mod - Sarah on Apr. 27, 2012 at 12:14 PM

 You and me both, I just don't get it.  I enjoy being home with the kids and spending time with them.  When I'm away it's hard to enjoy myself, I just miss them.  I don't understand how people can be that way, but like you said I just chalk it up to different personalities.

Mommyagainyay
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:05 PM
I agree with you fully. My son is almost two and hasn't spent the night away from us yet. I'm due with number two soon and I'm getting so nervous of having stay the night without us and am just praying to go into labor while he is sleeping so we won't be gone long.
I have friends that act like that and then they complain because their child doesn't listen and all that. It's sad. We attachment parent with our son and in a way my mother did that with me. It took her a long time to let me sleep over at someone's house and when I finally did I wanted to go home. So I guess having a mother who pretty much did attachment parenting with me it just feels normal. When I see others complain it just doesn't make any sense. Like my sister ( which I think since my mom had my brother super close after having her didn't do the same parenting she did with me and I'm the youngest) she lets her kids do whatever and her husband would freak because he would ask her where they were and she always is like oh playing somewhere. He would be in a panick. It's sad. I feel like if you want to live your life as if your not a parent then why did you have children because they suffer from it. Anyways sorry so long I totally agree that I don't understand it.
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littlelambe2
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:10 PM
1 mom liked this

I don't get it either. People were telling us that when dd was 6 months we needed to just leave her and have a night away. What?! I'm glad dh is on the same page as me. I can't see leaving her for the night until she's the one telling us to go home without her! ha ha

littlelambe2
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:14 PM

You ain't a horrid mother! I think you have a more difficult/stressful home situation than most.

My cousin and his wife constantly leave their two kids with g'ma and g'pa. I mean *constantly*. They're home with their kids for a couple hours a day for about half the month. I don't get that. Its sad because they had trouble conceiving, but once the kids came, all the mom talks about is how inconvenient they are. (They both work full time hence only a few hours between getting home from work and their kids going to bed)

Quoting VintageWife:

Maybe I'm the horrible mom in here, but I love going to the grocery and stuff alone. I've actually had a couple times where I got away for 5 hrs with no kids and loved it.


VintageWife
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:33 PM

My bff's ex-SIL would take her kids to their g'parents and leave them for as long as possible. Like one day in March, she told her that she had something to give her son for Valentine's Day. She was like that was a few weeks ago. The chick was like "I know, I haven't gone to see him yet."

This wasn't a custody situation!!!! The mother was the one that had custody and the kid lived with her. She was always pawning them off. Let me tell you about her kids...

#1- She had with guy #1. Things didn't work out and he got main custody (not sure if she gave it up or what). When the kid was 7 or 8, she was dropping him off from a visit and said, "I don't get along with your dad and I'm tired of seeing him whenever I drop you off so I think it's best that we don't see eachother from here on out."

HOLY SH*T (i don't curse), she broke up with her kid!!! I mean seriously! She doesn't see him :"(

#2- Again, different guy. This one ends up being in custody of her mom, but I don't think that is until almost when #3 is going to someone else too.

#3- This is the one my bff's BIL had with her. Pretty much every weekend she was pawning him off on bff's BIL's parents. They would never turn him away. They love him to death (g'pa is a minister, btw). This is the one she hadn't seen for a few weeks cause she hadn't gotten around to it. She barely ever had a job either. It's not like she was hard working. Bff's BIL divorces her cause she ho's around and then bff's inlaws are like 'we want custody'. We've already been raising him pretty much every day of his life while you go off doing whatever and we need to be able to have guardianship of him in case of medical emergencies. Plus they were the ones paying for him to go to a Montessori school and everything.

At first she was like 'okay' (i know that isn't a shocker), but then her lawyer was like 'no, don't do it cause they might want back childsupport since they've paid for everything in his life so far.' So she tries to fight for custody, but their lawyer shows that she's given up children everytime she's had them and the judge decides she isn't worthy of the kid cause she'll give him up anyway. He lives with his g'parents now and is a good kid. I think he is about 10 now and he's a bright, well-rounded child which he would have NEVER had the chance to be before.

Quoting littlelambe2:

You ain't a horrid mother! I think you have a more difficult/stressful home situation than most.

My cousin and his wife constantly leave their two kids with g'ma and g'pa. I mean *constantly*. They're home with their kids for a couple hours a day for about half the month. I don't get that. Its sad because they had trouble conceiving, but once the kids came, all the mom talks about is how inconvenient they are. (They both work full time hence only a few hours between getting home from work and their kids going to bed)

Quoting VintageWife:

Maybe I'm the horrible mom in here, but I love going to the grocery and stuff alone. I've actually had a couple times where I got away for 5 hrs with no kids and loved it.

 

 

robthekat
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:38 PM

I feel that way my self, I love being around my son, We do go on date night, and my son stays in after care aferschool. ( He is an only child, and I work at home, He goes to after care to be with other kids.)

So I feel we have enough time apart. Children only live wtih there parents a short time and I want to savor it all.

jconney80
by Group Mod on Apr. 27, 2012 at 3:46 PM
I am in serious need of a break. My circumstances are different though. I have 3 kids....2 are high/ special needs and the other one is 7 months. My son is going days without sleeping. 24/7 I'm parenting the youngest two.

I want a break but I wouldn't take it! Not a night or weekend! I love my kids so much and couldn't be away from the LOs for long. My oldest is 9 and she sometimes goes to my moms farm to stay over. I still miss her but its a little different when they're older!

I do get what you are saying though! Everyone I know who isn't AP can't wait to get away from their kids.... Or do everything to make their lives easier... Swings, pacifier, bouncy seat, etc.
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littlelambe2
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:03 PM

uh... wow

Quoting VintageWife:

My bff's ex-SIL would take her kids to their g'parents and leave them for as long as possible. Like one day in March, she told her that she had something to give her son for Valentine's Day. She was like that was a few weeks ago. The chick was like "I know, I haven't gone to see him yet."

This wasn't a custody situation!!!! The mother was the one that had custody and the kid lived with her. She was always pawning them off. Let me tell you about her kids...

#1- She had with guy #1. Things didn't work out and he got main custody (not sure if she gave it up or what). When the kid was 7 or 8, she was dropping him off from a visit and said, "I don't get along with your dad and I'm tired of seeing him whenever I drop you off so I think it's best that we don't see eachother from here on out."

HOLY SH*T (i don't curse), she broke up with her kid!!! I mean seriously! She doesn't see him :"(

#2- Again, different guy. This one ends up being in custody of her mom, but I don't think that is until almost when #3 is going to someone else too.

#3- This is the one my bff's BIL had with her. Pretty much every weekend she was pawning him off on bff's BIL's parents. They would never turn him away. They love him to death (g'pa is a minister, btw). This is the one she hadn't seen for a few weeks cause she hadn't gotten around to it. She barely ever had a job either. It's not like she was hard working. Bff's BIL divorces her cause she ho's around and then bff's inlaws are like 'we want custody'. We've already been raising him pretty much every day of his life while you go off doing whatever and we need to be able to have guardianship of him in case of medical emergencies. Plus they were the ones paying for him to go to a Montessori school and everything.

At first she was like 'okay' (i know that isn't a shocker), but then her lawyer was like 'no, don't do it cause they might want back childsupport since they've paid for everything in his life so far.' So she tries to fight for custody, but their lawyer shows that she's given up children everytime she's had them and the judge decides she isn't worthy of the kid cause she'll give him up anyway. He lives with his g'parents now and is a good kid. I think he is about 10 now and he's a bright, well-rounded child which he would have NEVER had the chance to be before.

Quoting littlelambe2:

You ain't a horrid mother! I think you have a more difficult/stressful home situation than most.

My cousin and his wife constantly leave their two kids with g'ma and g'pa. I mean *constantly*. They're home with their kids for a couple hours a day for about half the month. I don't get that. Its sad because they had trouble conceiving, but once the kids came, all the mom talks about is how inconvenient they are. (They both work full time hence only a few hours between getting home from work and their kids going to bed)

Quoting VintageWife:

Maybe I'm the horrible mom in here, but I love going to the grocery and stuff alone. I've actually had a couple times where I got away for 5 hrs with no kids and loved it.


 


jlocsgirl
by on Apr. 27, 2012 at 4:16 PM

I feel the same way! My baby isn't here yet, but I know I will be just like you. Everyone keeps telling me how I'm going to be begging for a night without my son. Uh, yeah RIGHT! We tried for 6 years to make this baby, I'm never going to want to leave him. 

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