Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting
We spank and every time, I just feel so awful afterwards, like there has got to be another way. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. And I wasn't even the one spanking, my hubs was. But the nurturing mom in me screams out beating every time I spank, even though that's not true. So you can only imagine how I feel when hubs spanks. So please, tell me how to discipline without spanking!! I need it! I hate feeling like a monster when I discipline my child.

Nak mobile
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 12:31 PM
Replies (11-20):
Yuriko_chan
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 1:06 PM
Thank you! I'm going to check that out when I go back downstairs on the computer:)

Quoting haleykj:

The peaceful parenting website has great resources, book suggestions, and info. You can like them on facebook and ask specific questions about situations too and there is a wealth of good information :) www.drmomma.org good luck momma!
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
soulofsunmama
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 1:26 PM
2 moms liked this
What a nice no nonsense question, answers, and suggestions...thank you ladies, very refreshing informative read withOUT drama:)
sreichelt26
by Bronze Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 2:30 PM

I agree with everything that's been said. One thing that might happen is that she'll act out even harder for a few days/weeks while the relationship is repaired. She might push you to see if you really won't spank, but once she realizes that you've changed in that area, she won't push so hard.

Yuriko_chan
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:16 PM
I sure hope so. She just threw the biggest fit over me not letting her watch tv. I told her to go to timeout and she refused. I started counting and she covered her bum. I said u wasn't going to spank if she went to timeout. She did and I didn't spank. She continued to throw the fit in timeout for about 10 mins. All the while I said her timeout doesn't start until after she quits and is quiet. Usually when she's like that I have to spank so she gets quiet. I didn't and stood my ground. About 15 mins later she got quiet and her timeout started. I know now why she threw a fit. She was hungry. But that still doesn't excuse it. But I stood my ground.

Quoting sreichelt26:

I agree with everything that's been said. One thing that might happen is that she'll act out even harder for a few days/weeks while the relationship is repaired. She might push you to see if you really won't spank, but once she realizes that you've changed in that area, she won't push so hard.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jellyphish
by Platinum Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:28 PM
Good job!!! You did it!!

This is when I would have told Isis to go to her room and throw a fit there, she's not in trouble, she just needs to work on calming down. Children process things differently than we, and it's not always a good idea to stifle tantrums, but rather teach them how to handle their feelings. Anger is a valid feeling, and should be acknowledged as such.
These are my beliefs anyway.

Another thing you could try is redirection. Instead of 'no you can't watch tv,' try something like 'not right now. Do you want to color, or ride your bike?'. This way she has alternatives to choose from instead of a focus on being told she can't do what she wanted to do.
Quoting Yuriko_chan:

I sure hope so. She just threw the biggest fit over me not letting her watch tv. I told her to go to timeout and she refused. I started counting and she covered her bum. I said u wasn't going to spank if she went to timeout. She did and I didn't spank. She continued to throw the fit in timeout for about 10 mins. All the while I said her timeout doesn't start until after she quits and is quiet. Usually when she's like that I have to spank so she gets quiet. I didn't and stood my ground. About 15 mins later she got quiet and her timeout started. I know now why she threw a fit. She was hungry. But that still doesn't excuse it. But I stood my ground.



Quoting sreichelt26:

I agree with everything that's been said. One thing that might happen is that she'll act out even harder for a few days/weeks while the relationship is repaired. She might push you to see if you really won't spank, but once she realizes that you've changed in that area, she won't push so hard.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Yuriko_chan
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 3:48 PM
I've done the redirection thing and she says she doesn't want to play or whatever just watch tv. And she doesn't even hardly watch it. So Idk what's up with that. Thank you for your support though, it means so much to know I'm doing something right!

Quoting jellyphish:

Good job!!! You did it!!

This is when I would have told Isis to go to her room and throw a fit there, she's not in trouble, she just needs to work on calming down. Children process things differently than we, and it's not always a good idea to stifle tantrums, but rather teach them how to handle their feelings. Anger is a valid feeling, and should be acknowledged as such.
These are my beliefs anyway.

Another thing you could try is redirection. Instead of 'no you can't watch tv,' try something like 'not right now. Do you want to color, or ride your bike?'. This way she has alternatives to choose from instead of a focus on being told she can't do what she wanted to do.
Quoting Yuriko_chan:

I sure hope so. She just threw the biggest fit over me not letting her watch tv. I told her to go to timeout and she refused. I started counting and she covered her bum. I said u wasn't going to spank if she went to timeout. She did and I didn't spank. She continued to throw the fit in timeout for about 10 mins. All the while I said her timeout doesn't start until after she quits and is quiet. Usually when she's like that I have to spank so she gets quiet. I didn't and stood my ground. About 15 mins later she got quiet and her timeout started. I know now why she threw a fit. She was hungry. But that still doesn't excuse it. But I stood my ground.





Quoting sreichelt26:

I agree with everything that's been said. One thing that might happen is that she'll act out even harder for a few days/weeks while the relationship is repaired. She might push you to see if you really won't spank, but once she realizes that you've changed in that area, she won't push so hard.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
hapababies
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:05 PM
I have a 2 year old that is willful and stubborn. I have found myself struggling with discipline with him because i don't want to spank. I have found time outs work for both of us. If gives me and him to cool down. I try to always get him out of time out positively with explaining at eye level why he was put there in the first place. When he had his full on screaming, yelling, falling to the floor tantrums I walk away. He receives no attention from me until he has calmed down. In public I will either pick him up and move him out Of anyone's way and give him no attention while standing next to him or we go home. Luckily the second thing has only happened twice. It's a learning curve for me because I'm hoping I'm teaching him discipline in a positive way
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
FrumpyMama
by Silver Member on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:16 PM

 

Alternatives to Punishment

Taken from Mothering.com



little boy looking upNeed some help with punishment alternatives? Copy this list and post it where you can see it, as a constant reminder.

  • Use positive reinforcement.
  • Create a positive environment.
  • Say yes as much as possible.
  • Save no for the important things.
  • Use natural consequences.
  • Use logical consequences.
  • Use restitution.
  • Leave it up to your child.
  • Compromise.
  • State your expectations, and get out of the way.
  • Give specific instructions.
  • Give a reason.
  • Offer help.
  • Give a choice.
  • Redirect your child.
  • Remove your child.
  • Make positive statements.
  • Give in occasionally.
  • Give your child time to agree.
  • Simply insist.
  • Make rules.
  • Ignore some behavior.
  • Avoid nagging and threats.
  • Distract your child.
  • Use humor.
  • Make it a game.
  • Be willing to admit your mistakes.
  • Stop and think before you act.
  • Don't make a big fuss over little things.
  • Stick to routines.
  • Don't hurry your children too much.
  • Get to the root of the problem.
  • Correct one behavior at a time.
  • Give yourselves time.
  • Use the golden rule.
  • Model appropriate behavior.
  • Think of your child as an equal.
  • Always keep your love for your child in mind.
soulofsunmama
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 8:34 PM
L.O.V.E. what a great post mama!!:)

Quoting FrumpyMama:

 


Alternatives to Punishment


Taken from Mothering.com














little boy looking upNeed some help with punishment alternatives? Copy this list and post it where you can see it, as a constant reminder.



  • Use positive reinforcement.

  • Create a positive environment.

  • Say yes as much as possible.

  • Save no for the important things.

  • Use natural consequences.

  • Use logical consequences.

  • Use restitution.

  • Leave it up to your child.

  • Compromise.

  • State your expectations, and get out of the way.

  • Give specific instructions.

  • Give a reason.

  • Offer help.

  • Give a choice.

  • Redirect your child.

  • Remove your child.

  • Make positive statements.

  • Give in occasionally.

  • Give your child time to agree.

  • Simply insist.

  • Make rules.

  • Ignore some behavior.

  • Avoid nagging and threats.

  • Distract your child.

  • Use humor.

  • Make it a game.

  • Be willing to admit your mistakes.

  • Stop and think before you act.

  • Don't make a big fuss over little things.

  • Stick to routines.

  • Don't hurry your children too much.

  • Get to the root of the problem.

  • Correct one behavior at a time.

  • Give yourselves time.

  • Use the golden rule.

  • Model appropriate behavior.

  • Think of your child as an equal.

  • Always keep your love for your child in mind.

Yuriko_chan
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 9:38 PM
Yes, so great! Thank you!!

Quoting soulofsunmama:

L.O.V.E. what a great post mama!!:)



Quoting FrumpyMama:

 



Alternatives to Punishment



Taken from Mothering.com



























little boy looking upNeed some help with punishment alternatives? Copy this list and post it where you can see it, as a constant reminder.





  • Use positive reinforcement.


  • Create a positive environment.


  • Say yes as much as possible.


  • Save no for the important things.


  • Use natural consequences.


  • Use logical consequences.


  • Use restitution.


  • Leave it up to your child.


  • Compromise.


  • State your expectations, and get out of the way.


  • Give specific instructions.


  • Give a reason.


  • Offer help.


  • Give a choice.


  • Redirect your child.


  • Remove your child.


  • Make positive statements.


  • Give in occasionally.


  • Give your child time to agree.


  • Simply insist.


  • Make rules.


  • Ignore some behavior.


  • Avoid nagging and threats.


  • Distract your child.


  • Use humor.


  • Make it a game.


  • Be willing to admit your mistakes.


  • Stop and think before you act.


  • Don't make a big fuss over little things.


  • Stick to routines.


  • Don't hurry your children too much.


  • Get to the root of the problem.


  • Correct one behavior at a time.


  • Give yourselves time.


  • Use the golden rule.


  • Model appropriate behavior.


  • Think of your child as an equal.


  • Always keep your love for your child in mind.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)