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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting
We spank and every time, I just feel so awful afterwards, like there has got to be another way. Last night was the straw that broke the camels back. And I wasn't even the one spanking, my hubs was. But the nurturing mom in me screams out beating every time I spank, even though that's not true. So you can only imagine how I feel when hubs spanks. So please, tell me how to discipline without spanking!! I need it! I hate feeling like a monster when I discipline my child.

Nak mobile
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 12:31 PM
Replies (21-29):
thundersky
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 10:44 PM


Quoting jellyphish:

Also, and I know a lot of people won't agree with this, I use time outs when I can't thing of a natural consequence or time ins when she starts to get upset.
If she fights me about brushing her teeth I'll put her in timeout until she's ready to do it. When she comes out of time out I have her apologize to me, then I forgive her and give her hugs.

If she's upset and hasn't necessarily done anything wrong, I have her sit on her bed until she can calm down. She's not in trouble, so she can have toys, and I tell her it's ok to throw a fit, bit that she needs to do it in her room. She's also four. I've always allowed her to have tantrums when she's genuinely upset about something, now that she's older I usually have her do it by herself.

this is what i try to do with my dd. also say my dd is not picking up her toys like i told her and i have told her that if i have to go in and pick them up they go away. i will walk in with a bag and every thing goes in and in the garage. i try to make my DD take responsibility for her actions. i do spank when it is something dangerous like running into the street or getting near a hot stove after being told not to. i dont want her to get hit or boiling water spilled on her because she didnt listen to me

thundersky
by on Apr. 29, 2012 at 11:01 PM

my dd does this. i have learn that to just tell her to go to her room and to only come out when she is done. this take about 20 min somtimes. when she comes out and is ready we talk and come up with a compermise. i dont do time outs because i feels kids dont refect on why they are there. so the time my dd spends crying in her room is her time out .i also learn that way you word things makes a BIG differnce. like when i would tell my dd NO she took it as no not ever and would fight me but when i said you can at XX time she did not fight me on it. i jusy went throught this about 2 months ago so i remember it well. oh we also elemitated nap times that helps her alot. hope you figure out somthing soon.

Quoting Yuriko_chan:

I sure hope so. She just threw the biggest fit over me not letting her watch tv. I told her to go to timeout and she refused. I started counting and she covered her bum. I said u wasn't going to spank if she went to timeout. She did and I didn't spank. She continued to throw the fit in timeout for about 10 mins. All the while I said her timeout doesn't start until after she quits and is quiet. Usually when she's like that I have to spank so she gets quiet. I didn't and stood my ground. About 15 mins later she got quiet and her timeout started. I know now why she threw a fit. She was hungry. But that still doesn't excuse it. But I stood my ground.

Quoting sreichelt26:

I agree with everything that's been said. One thing that might happen is that she'll act out even harder for a few days/weeks while the relationship is repaired. She might push you to see if you really won't spank, but once she realizes that you've changed in that area, she won't push so hard.


ArmyWife0606
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 9:03 AM

I read a book called Scream-Free parenting and it helped us a lot.  Obviously, you'll take or leave some of it, so just decide what works for you, but all in all, my husband and I like the book.  It's all about making sure our kids make their OWN choices..even if they're bad choices and showing them the results of those choices (good or bad)  So when my son makes good choices, he gets good results.  When he makes poor choices, he get a consequence.  I've learned that I cannot control my children and I shouldn't try to.  They are human beings all on their own and are going to make their own decisions, so trying to control them is just futile and will result in nothing but total frustration for the parent.  For example...it's time to clean up his toys, I ask him to clean up. If he says no, then I tell him "That's fine, you don't have to clean up your toys, but I'm just going to let you know that if you don't clean them up, I will throw them away (or put them away for a while, etc)."  The key (at least for me) is to not get angry and make sure my son knows he can make his own choice, but his choices have consequences.... I hope that makes sense.

army       teen girl          toddler boy           baby in sling

Army Wife to Jason, step-mom to Grace(11) mama to JJ(3) and Josiah(7mo)






jlocsgirl
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 11:37 AM

We don't believe in spanking. There are MANY other ways to teach your child. Discipline means "to teach" not "to punish". Spanking doesn't teach anything. Here is a great article with alternatives!

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/22_alternatives.html

FrumpyMama
by Silver Member on Apr. 30, 2012 at 12:56 PM

 Your Welcome! I had to print this recently and put it on my fridge, I have an unruly 4 yr old who is having jealousy issues with his 1 yr old sister.

Quoting Yuriko_chan:

Yes, so great! Thank you!!

Quoting soulofsunmama:

L.O.V.E. what a great post mama!!:)



Quoting FrumpyMama:

 



Alternatives to Punishment



Taken from Mothering.com























 





little boy looking upNeed some help with punishment alternatives? Copy this list and post it where you can see it, as a constant reminder.





  • Use positive reinforcement.


  • Create a positive environment.


  • Say yes as much as possible.


  • Save no for the important things.


  • Use natural consequences.


  • Use logical consequences.


  • Use restitution.


  • Leave it up to your child.


  • Compromise.


  • State your expectations, and get out of the way.


  • Give specific instructions.


  • Give a reason.


  • Offer help.


  • Give a choice.


  • Redirect your child.


  • Remove your child.


  • Make positive statements.


  • Give in occasionally.


  • Give your child time to agree.


  • Simply insist.


  • Make rules.


  • Ignore some behavior.


  • Avoid nagging and threats.


  • Distract your child.


  • Use humor.


  • Make it a game.


  • Be willing to admit your mistakes.


  • Stop and think before you act.


  • Don't make a big fuss over little things.


  • Stick to routines.


  • Don't hurry your children too much.


  • Get to the root of the problem.


  • Correct one behavior at a time.


  • Give yourselves time.


  • Use the golden rule.


  • Model appropriate behavior.


  • Think of your child as an equal.


  • Always keep your love for your child in mind.

 

Yuriko_chan
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:12 PM
1 mom liked this
Thank you for sharing this! I do some of those but not even the majority. I think this could really help!

Quoting jlocsgirl:

We don't believe in spanking. There are MANY other ways to teach your child. Discipline means "to teach" not "to punish". Spanking doesn't teach anything. Here is a great article with alternatives!

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/22_alternatives.html

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
cherrynarissa
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 4:51 PM
1 mom liked this

the international attachment parenting website of proffessionals discusses this

http://www.attachmentparenting.org/

jlocsgirl
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 6:07 PM

You are very welcome!

Quoting Yuriko_chan:

Thank you for sharing this! I do some of those but not even the majority. I think this could really help!

Quoting jlocsgirl:

We don't believe in spanking. There are MANY other ways to teach your child. Discipline means "to teach" not "to punish". Spanking doesn't teach anything. Here is a great article with alternatives!

http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/22_alternatives.html


EthansMomma2010
by on Apr. 30, 2012 at 7:27 PM

i agree that natural consequences usually work awesome. i am working on really super limiting our spanking. for instance, he pulls the cats tail, he gets bit. lol. also if its attention. then i give a timeout or something, because i never want to encourage a bad behavior, but i also prepare myself to spend a lot of time with him for 30-40 mins after timeout. because i know positive attention will get me further. i used to nanny a very strong willed girl and of course spanking isnt even an option for the nanny. i found ignorance worked a lot for bad behaviors. i have actually sat behind a timeout chair and held her there too. she had to know that no amount of temper tantrums was going to get her away from the discipline or get her wat she wanted. but i gave lots of thank yous and such for good behavior. not treats mind you, but kind words. i earned her respect in less than 2 months. sure is was tough at first, but the respect and love that little girl had for me was worth every minute. and as far as meals go. my kid has gone to bed without dinner several times and guess what? he never woke me up at 2 am for food. he slept. sometimes they really arent hungry. and if they are, you can reheat what they had for dinner. i never ever bribe. that leads to more tantrums. 

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