Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

The Doctors Don't Like How I Put DD to Bed *Long*

Posted by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:57 PM
  • 70 Replies
DD is 21mos. We went to a behavioural specialist for other concerns then they asked about her sleep habits. I said that I lay with her (and almost always nurse her) until she falls asleep.

She doesn't like to be alone while falling asleep. Can you blame her? She's not even 2 yet. I didn't think it was a big deal until the doctor told me that she's expected to be able to fall asleep independently. As in I tuck her in, sing her a lullaby, and leave the room and she just handles it. I know DD is behind in that area but she's slowly growing out of it.

They also made a deal out of her waking up a few times at night to nurse and not being well attached to comfort objects other than me.

That's just where we're at. I told the doctor that I wasn't interested in immediately breaking these behaviours because I feel that she will naturally progress out of them. I'm not going to push her. The doctor implied, in not so many words, that I am fostering emotional dependence. So what? She's a toddler. She isn't going to nurse to bed at 14. What is so wrong with trusting and getting comfort from your mother at this age? It's not like DD can't do ANYTHING alone. She likes to play alone, tries to dress herself, etc...

I was just disheartened when they mailed me the report that was basically an overview of the appointment. They wrote down everything I said as if I'm completely resistant to change or try to "fix" my daughter. They also included a booklet explaining sleep problems (which I'm not denying she has) and ways to "help" her, which look like sleep training to me.

I'm sorry this is so long but it hurts when people don't understand. Am I wrong here?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:57 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
mommy_rios
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:02 PM
I would she is a little to old for the repetitive nursing part like she still wakes up several times just to nurse. But maybe you can start to slighty wean her from nursing so many times at night? Other then that i don't find it a problem.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
yikesitsmindy
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:03 PM
1 mom liked this
I am not saying that you are wrong, but you went in for a professionals opinion and got one. Did they give you any suggestions that you felt were useful?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
louzannalady
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 5:04 PM
3 moms liked this

*hug* I am with you. I don't think you are wrong. I think, they are just coming from a different place and have different expectations and time table. : *( I think, it is sad they can't respect that. I am so sorry.

jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:06 PM
I really haven't heard of a gentle way to do that. I'm letting her cut herself back and she's gone from basically nursing all night to just waking up two or three times. She was only waking up once when my milk dried up but started up again when my milk came back (I'm pregnant so it dropped and fame back).

Quoting mommy_rios:

I would she is a little to old for the repetitive nursing part like she still wakes up several times just to nurse. But maybe you can start to slighty wean her from nursing so many times at night? Other then that i don't find it a problem.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:09 PM
1 mom liked this
I don't know, a little. It's difficult because they can't get a real grasp of her daily self just from seeing her for an hour.

Quoting yikesitsmindy:

I am not saying that you are wrong, but you went in for a professionals opinion and got one. Did they give you any suggestions that you felt were useful?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:10 PM
2 moms liked this
Thank you. To me, she's still a baby. She doesn't need to be pushed into independence too quickly- especially emotional independence. She is learning those skills in her own time and I support that.

Quoting louzannalady:

*hug* I am with you. I don't think you are wrong. I think, they are just coming from a different place and have different expectations and time table. : *( I think, it is sad they can't respect that. I am so sorry.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
MrsAdorkable
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:11 PM
4 moms liked this

I'm going to guess this dr. is behind on the research that says the things you are doing PROMOTE independence later in life.

jennie710
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:13 PM

If it makes you feel any better I had a similar problem with my son (he is almost 3 now).  I never did go to a specialist, but I weaned him at @ 2 1/2 I think. and he has adjusted fine.  He was only night nursing and  he wasn't really didn't mind after the 1st 2 nights.  We snuggled instead of letting him nurse at all.  Within a few weeks I was able to put him in his room and turn on a quiet movie and he will go to sleep with no fuss ( They will tell you a movie is a no no, but I live in an apt and his room is on the wall near the breezeway and stairs and the noise distracts him if he isn't watching a movie).  I shut off the tv when he is asleep and he might get up once during the night (he does sleep walk so I don't even know if he is awake) and come into my room and sleep on the sleeping bag on my floor.  But that isn't even every night.  Good luck!

jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:14 PM
I've been reading studies about AP strengthening those skills as older children and adults. I just don't know how to relay that without looking like a sheltering helicopter parent.

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

I'm going to guess this dr. is behind on the research that says the things you are doing PROMOTE independence later in life.

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
Liebevoll_mami
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:15 PM

i agree with this. 

although....do you know some websites that i can show my boyfriend that it really does promote independence later in life? 

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

I'm going to guess this dr. is behind on the research that says the things you are doing PROMOTE independence later in life.


CafeMom Tickers

Hi, i'm Liz(20) and my beautiful daughters name is Myranda Marie! We have One on the way as well.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)