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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

The Doctors Don't Like How I Put DD to Bed *Long*

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DD is 21mos. We went to a behavioural specialist for other concerns then they asked about her sleep habits. I said that I lay with her (and almost always nurse her) until she falls asleep.

She doesn't like to be alone while falling asleep. Can you blame her? She's not even 2 yet. I didn't think it was a big deal until the doctor told me that she's expected to be able to fall asleep independently. As in I tuck her in, sing her a lullaby, and leave the room and she just handles it. I know DD is behind in that area but she's slowly growing out of it.

They also made a deal out of her waking up a few times at night to nurse and not being well attached to comfort objects other than me.

That's just where we're at. I told the doctor that I wasn't interested in immediately breaking these behaviours because I feel that she will naturally progress out of them. I'm not going to push her. The doctor implied, in not so many words, that I am fostering emotional dependence. So what? She's a toddler. She isn't going to nurse to bed at 14. What is so wrong with trusting and getting comfort from your mother at this age? It's not like DD can't do ANYTHING alone. She likes to play alone, tries to dress herself, etc...

I was just disheartened when they mailed me the report that was basically an overview of the appointment. They wrote down everything I said as if I'm completely resistant to change or try to "fix" my daughter. They also included a booklet explaining sleep problems (which I'm not denying she has) and ways to "help" her, which look like sleep training to me.

I'm sorry this is so long but it hurts when people don't understand. Am I wrong here?
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:57 PM
Replies (11-20):
jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:16 PM
Thank you.

Quoting jennie710:

If it makes you feel any better I had a similar problem with my son (he is almost 3 now).  I never did go to a specialist, but I weaned him at @ 2 1/2 I think. and he has adjusted fine.  He was only night nursing and  he wasn't really didn't mind after the 1st 2 nights.  We snuggled instead of letting him nurse at all.  Within a few weeks I was able to put him in his room and turn on a quiet movie and he will go to sleep with no fuss ( They will tell you a movie is a no no, but I live in an apt and his room is on the wall near the breezeway and stairs and the noise distracts him if he isn't watching a movie).  I shut off the tv when he is asleep and he might get up once during the night (he does sleep walk so I don't even know if he is awake) and come into my room and sleep on the sleeping bag on my floor.  But that isn't even every night.  Good luck!

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soulofsunmama
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:17 PM
1 mom liked this
Not True!

Quoting mommy_rios:

I would she is a little to old for the repetitive nursing part like she still wakes up several times just to nurse. But maybe you can start to slighty wean her from nursing so many times at night? Other then that i don't find it a problem.
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soulofsunmama
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:18 PM
You are doing things right mama, BELIEVE in YOURSELF!!

Quoting yikesitsmindy:

I am not saying that you are wrong, but you went in for a professionals opinion and got one. Did they give you any suggestions that you felt were useful?
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jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:19 PM
2 moms liked this
Dr. Sears has good articles on it. He explains how these are NEEDS for our children, not just wants. And he touches on how it helps them to be confident, loving, secure adults.

Check out his website. I believe it's askdrsears.org but I would have to look. Check in the Attachment Parenting and High Needs Children sections.


Quoting Liebevoll_mami:

i agree with this. 

although....do you know some websites that i can show my boyfriend that it really does promote independence later in life? 

Quoting MrsAdorkable:

I'm going to guess this dr. is behind on the research that says the things you are doing PROMOTE independence later in life.


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jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:21 PM
This means so much to me because DD has been such a struggle. I keep hearing that I coddle her too much but I feel like she needs it. I'm not hovering over her every second, but she has high needs that I feel should be met right now.

Quoting soulofsunmama:

You are doing things right mama, BELIEVE in YOURSELF!!



Quoting yikesitsmindy:

I am not saying that you are wrong, but you went in for a professionals opinion and got one. Did they give you any suggestions that you felt were useful?
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soulofsunmama
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:30 PM
3 moms liked this
So many are against AP, without learning, understanding, and becoming one with their children or without really taking in the much bigger picture (I don't mean comments here, just general population.)
Since Primal time have mamas been caring for, laying down with, and NURSING their babies to sleep, and now all a sudden, its this
HUGE NO-NO, oh, and don't forget to push the vitamin D and iron supplements while your at it, because that's what's "in fashion and popular" with the medical fields these days...
It's a friggin baby!!
There is never anything wrong with nurturing a baby, if mamas didn't do that, there would be NO babies!!
It's easy to second guess yourself sometimes, stand strong, continue with what YOU believe in and what WORKS for your family!!
Tons of AP support and love out here for ya mama!!!
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soulofsunmama
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:34 PM
1 mom liked this
Google API, I'm a part of their group, and attend regular meeting, there is so much of the support you need out there.
Your baby WILL grow out of it at the right time....why push (again, generally speaking) babies to grow up so fast!
Sleep training BOO!
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jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 5:41 PM
Thanks for the support.
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justone_jen
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2012 at 5:50 PM
6 moms liked this
I agree.

I follow my instincts, and my instincts tell me to comfort, soothe and support my child. This whole expectation that children should be independent so young goes against everything I feel the urge to do, naturally. And, frankly, I trust my instincts, just as I'm sure most women did before doctors told them they were wrong for doing so.


Quoting soulofsunmama:

So many are against AP, without learning, understanding, and becoming one with their children or without really taking in the much bigger picture (I don't mean comments here, just general population.)

Since Primal time have mamas been caring for, laying down with, and NURSING their babies to sleep, and now all a sudden, its this

HUGE NO-NO, oh, and don't forget to push the vitamin D and iron supplements while your at it, because that's what's "in fashion and popular" with the medical fields these days...

It's a friggin baby!!

There is never anything wrong with nurturing a baby, if mamas didn't do that, there would be NO babies!!

It's easy to second guess yourself sometimes, stand strong, continue with what YOU believe in and what WORKS for your family!!

Tons of AP support and love out here for ya mama!!!
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justone_jen
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2012 at 5:52 PM
OP, here's a good read for you. :)

http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/claire_niala.html
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