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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

The Doctors Don't Like How I Put DD to Bed *Long*

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DD is 21mos. We went to a behavioural specialist for other concerns then they asked about her sleep habits. I said that I lay with her (and almost always nurse her) until she falls asleep.

She doesn't like to be alone while falling asleep. Can you blame her? She's not even 2 yet. I didn't think it was a big deal until the doctor told me that she's expected to be able to fall asleep independently. As in I tuck her in, sing her a lullaby, and leave the room and she just handles it. I know DD is behind in that area but she's slowly growing out of it.

They also made a deal out of her waking up a few times at night to nurse and not being well attached to comfort objects other than me.

That's just where we're at. I told the doctor that I wasn't interested in immediately breaking these behaviours because I feel that she will naturally progress out of them. I'm not going to push her. The doctor implied, in not so many words, that I am fostering emotional dependence. So what? She's a toddler. She isn't going to nurse to bed at 14. What is so wrong with trusting and getting comfort from your mother at this age? It's not like DD can't do ANYTHING alone. She likes to play alone, tries to dress herself, etc...

I was just disheartened when they mailed me the report that was basically an overview of the appointment. They wrote down everything I said as if I'm completely resistant to change or try to "fix" my daughter. They also included a booklet explaining sleep problems (which I'm not denying she has) and ways to "help" her, which look like sleep training to me.

I'm sorry this is so long but it hurts when people don't understand. Am I wrong here?
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:57 PM
Replies (21-30):
jconney80
by Group Mod on May. 4, 2012 at 5:59 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.

We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.

Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.
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soulofsunmama
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:03 PM
Awesome, ima read tonight when I'm NURSING my lil guy to sleep:)
Also, I hit up my public libraries, and go to LLL meetings (they usually have a super selection of books in their mini libraries at meetings.)


Quoting justone_jen:

OP, here's a good read for you. :)



http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/claire_niala.html
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jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:09 PM
Same thing here. DD has Sensory Processing Disorder and we suspect autism so that's why we took her to the specialist. Some nights I just want to take her to the ER and tell them to do SOMETHING, but I know there isn't anything they can do.
Chin up. [:


Quoting jconney80:

I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.



We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.



Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.
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jnttd
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:11 PM
I'll take a look. Thanks.

Quoting justone_jen:

OP, here's a good read for you. :)



http://www.naturalchild.org/guest/claire_niala.html
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
soulofsunmama
by on May. 4, 2012 at 6:13 PM
Chin up!
*this to shall pass*


Quoting jnttd:

Same thing here. DD has Sensory Processing Disorder and we suspect autism so that's why we took her to the specialist. Some nights I just want to take her to the ER and tell them to do SOMETHING, but I know there isn't anything they can do.

Chin up. [:




Quoting jconney80:

I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.





We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.





Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jconney80
by Group Mod on May. 4, 2012 at 6:54 PM
Thanks! Where did you take her? It sounds like they werent helpful or doesn't see what you see? I'm leaving any extra info out that they don't need to know. My hubby and I KNOW something is wrong with him and we are using the parenting tools we have to survive. And its not what we are doing.

We just started occupational therapy today with him from Early Intervention and he has appointments coming up for developmental peds for autism screening. We also have a sleep psychologist appointment in less than 2 weeks. Hopefully they will help us.


Quoting jnttd:

Same thing here. DD has Sensory Processing Disorder and we suspect autism so that's why we took her to the specialist. Some nights I just want to take her to the ER and tell them to do SOMETHING, but I know there isn't anything they can do.

Chin up. [:




Quoting jconney80:

I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.





We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.





Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
TrentsMom84
by Silver Member on May. 4, 2012 at 7:08 PM

I worked with families for 3 years (2 years with kids diagnosed as emotionally disturbed and then another year with families needing help with parenting skills).  I never met a family who's kids didn't end up in bed at some point and only one family had a problem with their kids in their bed.  It's a dirty little secret in our society that our kids come to our bed and we don't care.  If everyone is sleeping comfortably then don't do a thing!!!  Most kids will grow out of cosleeping within a few years and those that don't generally have a legitmate need to have their parent(s) close by them.

Quoting jnttd:

Same thing here. DD has Sensory Processing Disorder and we suspect autism so that's why we took her to the specialist. Some nights I just want to take her to the ER and tell them to do SOMETHING, but I know there isn't anything they can do.
Chin up. [:


Quoting jconney80:

I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.



We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.



Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.


moroccanmommy
by Bronze Member on May. 4, 2012 at 7:15 PM
If you don't mind me asking why were you at the specialist? sleep or behavior and why did she feel they were connected
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littlelambe2
by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:45 PM

Lame.

My dd is the same age as yours. She rarely falls asleep without nursing - and that's only when she's in the car. In the middle of the night, she is just starting to be okay with having me pat her back or rub her belly to help get her back to sleep. And if its been a few hours, she wants to nurse back to sleep and *gasp* I actually let her.

We have started a little night weaning because she was nursing for about 5mins to fall back asleep, not long enough for let down, and I"m pregnant again and need to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. We're going slow, and she's doing great. I still nurse if she asks, but I try to distract her or delay as best I can without her fully waking up. Its a little rough because my supply is down so much now that she has to get up some mornings early just to eat something because the bit of milk I do have isn't enough to fill her belly.

Sorry you're going through this. I think its perfectly normal behavior for a 21 month old. (Maybe just because my 21 month old is doing it? ha ha). But she has no other issues and has never been a great sleeper. Hugs.

littlelambe2
by on May. 4, 2012 at 7:50 PM

I love your response. You said what the core of my parenting is!!

Quoting justone_jen:

I agree.

I follow my instincts, and my instincts tell me to comfort, soothe and support my child. This whole expectation that children should be independent so young goes against everything I feel the urge to do, naturally. And, frankly, I trust my instincts, just as I'm sure most women did before doctors told them they were wrong for doing so.


Quoting soulofsunmama:

So many are against AP, without learning, understanding, and becoming one with their children or without really taking in the much bigger picture (I don't mean comments here, just general population.)

Since Primal time have mamas been caring for, laying down with, and NURSING their babies to sleep, and now all a sudden, its this

HUGE NO-NO, oh, and don't forget to push the vitamin D and iron supplements while your at it, because that's what's "in fashion and popular" with the medical fields these days...

It's a friggin baby!!

There is never anything wrong with nurturing a baby, if mamas didn't do that, there would be NO babies!!

It's easy to second guess yourself sometimes, stand strong, continue with what YOU believe in and what WORKS for your family!!

Tons of AP support and love out here for ya mama!!!


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