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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

The Doctors Don't Like How I Put DD to Bed *Long*

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DD is 21mos. We went to a behavioural specialist for other concerns then they asked about her sleep habits. I said that I lay with her (and almost always nurse her) until she falls asleep.

She doesn't like to be alone while falling asleep. Can you blame her? She's not even 2 yet. I didn't think it was a big deal until the doctor told me that she's expected to be able to fall asleep independently. As in I tuck her in, sing her a lullaby, and leave the room and she just handles it. I know DD is behind in that area but she's slowly growing out of it.

They also made a deal out of her waking up a few times at night to nurse and not being well attached to comfort objects other than me.

That's just where we're at. I told the doctor that I wasn't interested in immediately breaking these behaviours because I feel that she will naturally progress out of them. I'm not going to push her. The doctor implied, in not so many words, that I am fostering emotional dependence. So what? She's a toddler. She isn't going to nurse to bed at 14. What is so wrong with trusting and getting comfort from your mother at this age? It's not like DD can't do ANYTHING alone. She likes to play alone, tries to dress herself, etc...

I was just disheartened when they mailed me the report that was basically an overview of the appointment. They wrote down everything I said as if I'm completely resistant to change or try to "fix" my daughter. They also included a booklet explaining sleep problems (which I'm not denying she has) and ways to "help" her, which look like sleep training to me.

I'm sorry this is so long but it hurts when people don't understand. Am I wrong here?
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by on May. 4, 2012 at 4:57 PM
Replies (51-60):
peaches_04
by on May. 5, 2012 at 1:46 PM
doctors bother me:(
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jconney80
by Group Mod on May. 5, 2012 at 1:51 PM
1 mom liked this
Regular Drs just can't grasp that even non AP kids aren't putting themselves to sleep. They have pacifiers or blankies or toys. Thats not self soothing. Thats just not needing your parents LOL.

My son would never ever calm down by me patting his back. Regular Drs can't understand why. Or why he can't just CIO. It doesn't work. You have to do different things that are way outside the box


Quoting littlelambe2:

Lame.

My dd is the same age as yours. She rarely falls asleep without nursing - and that's only when she's in the car. In the middle of the night, she is just starting to be okay with having me pat her back or rub her belly to help get her back to sleep. And if its been a few hours, she wants to nurse back to sleep and *gasp* I actually let her.

We have started a little night weaning because she was nursing for about 5mins to fall back asleep, not long enough for let down, and I"m pregnant again and need to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. We're going slow, and she's doing great. I still nurse if she asks, but I try to distract her or delay as best I can without her fully waking up. Its a little rough because my supply is down so much now that she has to get up some mornings early just to eat something because the bit of milk I do have isn't enough to fill her belly.

Sorry you're going through this. I think its perfectly normal behavior for a 21 month old. (Maybe just because my 21 month old is doing it? ha ha). But she has no other issues and has never been a great sleeper. Hugs.

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soulofsunmama
by on May. 5, 2012 at 4:16 PM
1 mom liked this
No, they really can't!
I also wonder how many of their kids they just put In crib, and walla...miraculous sleeping baby?
Uh yea, doubt it.
Quite a bit of unspoken CIO going on there.
And really, somebody on the other side just*try* to convince me how a blanket, a softie, or a plastic nipple is being independent! WTF?!!!
Or how, rather for whom, is sleeping In a baby jail DOWN the hall healthier?!!
Isn't that how prisioners are treated?
The western culture is just slightly bass ackwards in my **humble**non-medical opinion....so doc, you really are good for somethings, but telling us the CORRECT way to parent may not be one of them.
Rant over. Thanks for reading :-)


Quoting jconney80:

Regular Drs just can't grasp that even non AP kids aren't putting themselves to sleep. They have pacifiers or blankies or toys. Thats not self soothing. Thats just not needing your parents LOL.



My son would never ever calm down by me patting his back. Regular Drs can't understand why. Or why he can't just CIO. It doesn't work. You have to do different things that are way outside the box




Quoting littlelambe2:

Lame.

My dd is the same age as yours. She rarely falls asleep without nursing - and that's only when she's in the car. In the middle of the night, she is just starting to be okay with having me pat her back or rub her belly to help get her back to sleep. And if its been a few hours, she wants to nurse back to sleep and *gasp* I actually let her.

We have started a little night weaning because she was nursing for about 5mins to fall back asleep, not long enough for let down, and I"m pregnant again and need to sleep for more than a couple hours at a time. We're going slow, and she's doing great. I still nurse if she asks, but I try to distract her or delay as best I can without her fully waking up. Its a little rough because my supply is down so much now that she has to get up some mornings early just to eat something because the bit of milk I do have isn't enough to fill her belly.

Sorry you're going through this. I think its perfectly normal behavior for a 21 month old. (Maybe just because my 21 month old is doing it? ha ha). But she has no other issues and has never been a great sleeper. Hugs.

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FrumpyMama
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2012 at 4:28 PM

 Nope. I got into a heated discussion with our old ped about bed sharing and nursing to sleep.  She looked down on it and I didn't see the issue.  I would just ignore them to a degree and keep doing what your doing. Next time you could just tell small lies or partial truths.  I know it sounds horrible, but it's your child and you need to continue to do what is best for your child.

NaturalMamaCZ
by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:26 PM
You're not wrong, you are natural .....and Western doctors are not. Their context is very different so they are not the people to consult. We are self weening, co sleeping, non vaxing, organic family with a health, smart, strong willed and beautiful 2.5 year old boy. Believe in your instincts and those of your child. If you want help go to a naturopath or alternative therapist. Peace to you.
hapababies
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2012 at 10:47 PM
It's unfortunate that you had a bad experience with your doctor. If you can, try to find one that is more in tune with your style of parenting. I have to agree with everyone that becoming attached to an object that a child does not independently go to is some crazy advice.
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hapababies
by Silver Member on May. 5, 2012 at 10:50 PM
Good luck with your upcoming appointments. Please keep us updated :)


Quoting jconney80:

Thanks! Where did you take her? It sounds like they werent helpful or doesn't see what you see? I'm leaving any extra info out that they don't need to know. My hubby and I KNOW something is wrong with him and we are using the parenting tools we have to survive. And its not what we are doing.



We just started occupational therapy today with him from Early Intervention and he has appointments coming up for developmental peds for autism screening. We also have a sleep psychologist appointment in less than 2 weeks. Hopefully they will help us.




Quoting jnttd:

Same thing here. DD has Sensory Processing Disorder and we suspect autism so that's why we took her to the specialist. Some nights I just want to take her to the ER and tell them to do SOMETHING, but I know there isn't anything they can do.


Chin up. [:






Quoting jconney80:

I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.







We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.







Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.

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yelannun
by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:51 PM

I still snuggle with my 4.5 year old to go to sleep. We bed share so I nurse my yes, 22 month old to sleep...EVERY night!! I just this week decided for my own sanity and nothing else I needed to night wean him. When he wakes up I hold/snuggle and love him back to sleep and he is already waking up less. If I think about too much I really feel guilty for taking his milk away. :( But I am going on 5+ years of interrupted sleep and I need a full night sleep. And he's so sweet when he wakes up around 5 (that's the cut off for us...that makes it "morning"), and I tell him it's morning do you want some milk...then he nurses and snuggles and goes back to sleep for another couple of hours...that's the latest he's ever slept! And already he's waking up less, so I think I'm on my way towards a full night sleep soon! 

Sorry this turned into being all about me...but my point is I don't think there is ONE thing wrong with what you are doing! Love and nurture that baby as YOU wish! :)

jnttd
by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:53 PM
We did ECI but since they don't diagnose we also got a referral from her pedi for their developmental specialist. Good luck.

Quoting jconney80:

Thanks! Where did you take her? It sounds like they werent helpful or doesn't see what you see? I'm leaving any extra info out that they don't need to know. My hubby and I KNOW something is wrong with him and we are using the parenting tools we have to survive. And its not what we are doing.



We just started occupational therapy today with him from Early Intervention and he has appointments coming up for developmental peds for autism screening. We also have a sleep psychologist appointment in less than 2 weeks. Hopefully they will help us.




Quoting jnttd:

Same thing here. DD has Sensory Processing Disorder and we suspect autism so that's why we took her to the specialist. Some nights I just want to take her to the ER and tell them to do SOMETHING, but I know there isn't anything they can do.


Chin up. [:






Quoting jconney80:

I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.







We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.







Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.
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jnttd
by on May. 5, 2012 at 10:55 PM
This is reassuring. Thank you.

Quoting TrentsMom84:

I worked with families for 3 years (2 years with kids diagnosed as emotionally disturbed and then another year with families needing help with parenting skills).  I never met a family who's kids didn't end up in bed at some point and only one family had a problem with their kids in their bed.  It's a dirty little secret in our society that our kids come to our bed and we don't care.  If everyone is sleeping comfortably then don't do a thing!!!  Most kids will grow out of cosleeping within a few years and those that don't generally have a legitmate need to have their parent(s) close by them.

Quoting jnttd:

Same thing here. DD has Sensory Processing Disorder and we suspect autism so that's why we took her to the specialist. Some nights I just want to take her to the ER and tell them to do SOMETHING, but I know there isn't anything they can do.

Chin up. [:




Quoting jconney80:

I'm going through the same thing so I totally understand. My son, who has sensory issues and probably is autistic, never sleeps. As in is barely sleeping at all for days. We have had to stay awake all night wearing him just so he will sleep.





We were so desperate that we took him to the ER because we were hoping they would get him in to see someone sooner. We have had basically every Dr we have seen in the past month tell us its all our fault. I can't believe it. It is horrible. I was having Drs arguing with me that its behavioral. Get real!!! It was really starting to mess with my head. I have been stretched so thin night parenting two kids that my sleep deprived brain started worrying it maybe was my fault. But I know it isn't.





Keep doing what you're doing! All we get is praise in everything else about him so we must be doing something right!! Its the right thing. Our society is so ridiculously paranoid that if you don't make them independent from birth they never will be. Its stupid.


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