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Can I say your baby is beautiful?

Posted by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:33 PM
  • 29 Replies
I was talking to a friend who asked if it was ok, because she had met parents who didn't want people saying their kids were beautiful (or pretty/cute), and who won't tell their kids that themselves. I have never heard of that and think it's really sad.
She said they don't want their kids thinking beauty is all they have to offer the world, that they're not smart etc. So what? I don't get that at all, personally. If you want your kids to think they're smart, tell them they're smart! Right? Don't just not tell them they're cute!

I don't know, maybe I'm missing something, but I think it's really important to build my girls' self esteem and help them believe they are beautiful- inside and out. I constantly tell them they're cute and pretty and smart and sweet and how proud I am of them. I really don't think they're gonna get a big head from that, or think they're missing some other important quality.
I think it's sad not to build children up. Thoughts? Am I missing something?
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by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:33 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by Lesly on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:38 PM
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I agree with you. That is really strange. I constantly tell DD how beautiful, sweet, smart she is.
by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 1:58 PM
I've heard of this.
I would never not tell my children they are beautiful or handsome. son (4 yrs) has been told since he was young that hes soooooo handsome, hes adorable, he should be a model, hes so cute, etc etc. Every time we went out by numerous people. it got frustrating because he would have a big head about himself, expected compliments and talk other kids down. We had to talk him down (not put him down, still complimenting him) explaining that all ppl are created by God and are perfect and beautiful, it was a challenge but hes now able to understand a little better.
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by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:19 PM

Children need to know they are beautiful, smart, funny, etc.  If you don't they will grow up wondering if they are worthy, if they are those things and will try and find ways to compensate. To feel beautiful, needed, worthy.

by Bronze Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:23 PM
1 mom liked this
Could be culture.
My dh family /culture thinks if you keep saying something is beautiful you can curse them. Unless u thank god each time.
We tell our kids they are...but say thanks to god everytime.
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by Silver Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:23 PM
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I think they need to hear it all, instead of none of it. They need to know how awesome they are. My brother does get in a tizzy when I call my daughters brave or strong, well they *are* brave and strong. That's not just a boy thing. I don't get it.
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by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:26 PM
So you can't be smart and beautiful at the same time? Isn't beauty in the eye of the beholder?? I think its sad
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by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 2:39 PM

I can kind of see where they come from. My 6 year old is exceptionally beautiful. She was born tiny, proportioned and with a head full of dark curly hair. She resembled a doll and from birth, people always felt the need to dress her up like a doll. They gush about how beautiful she is and how skinny or petite. It didn't bother me for the first few years but when Ambrosia was born, she was a healthy chunky baby with a mess of blond hair. She didn't look like a doll, she looked like a baby, but as a result nobody gushed over her looks or paid much attention to her at all. Now that Jade is 6, she notices. It's horrible. She'll say things like "You're fat" to anybody that's thicker than her (that's everybody since she's a 35lb 6 year old) and she calls her sister ugly all the time. She's obsessed with how she looks. She tells me stories all the time about how boys ask her out but they're too ugly for her or how she was friends with this girl but she's ugly or dresses bad so she doesn't really like her. 

We have a huge family, and every time we have a get together it's all about Jade and how beautiful and petite she is. It drives me bonker. They buy her clothes that a 6 year old should not be wearing (imo) and do her hair and put her make up on. I hate it. I wish they'd call her smart or something, or not compliment her at all.

But the point is, I can see where they're coming from. I wish Jade valued more about herself than just her looks.

by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 3:06 PM

There was a girl I know who is ugly. She says she's ugly, recognizes it, and has no problems with it. And she told me that everyone she meets tries to convince her she's beautiful. They say she's nontraditionally beautiful, or that she's beautiful on the inside, or that she'll be beautiful to the right man. And, she says, they never talk about her PhD or her awards or her brains. In her words, "For people who claim that beauty isn't important, they sure seem convinced that beauty is the only way for me to love myself." If we actually believe that our kids should value themselves based on their accomplishments, we need to start acting like it. Personall, I'm going to compliment my children on how hard they work or how curious they are or similar things. It doesn't mean I don't love them. It means that I love *them*, their soul, and not their body.

by Member on Jun. 12, 2012 at 3:07 PM
Uh oh. I tell my kids how beautiful/pretty/handsome they are every day.
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by on Jun. 12, 2012 at 3:10 PM

i agree with you... I can understand the other parent's point of view if someone ONLY would say their child was beautiful/cute/pretty/whatever. But that isn't often the case.

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