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My DD is 16 mo and we have been dealing with some issues with her being cared for by DH. She just doesn't want anything to do with him.

A recent event has both DH and I concerned: I needed to take a shower and my Mom and brother were staying over. DD was unhappy that I was in the shower and DH tried to comfort her, but she screamed and reached for my Mom. It happened again and she reached for my brother, which REALLY bothered DH.

After it happened DH told me how upset it made him and I told him that it was probably because I have been doing all the care for her for the last 3-4 months. I mean EVERYTHING... diaper changes, baths, feeding her, putting her to sleep, EVERYTHING.  It was both our faults really, he didn't take initiative to help, and I didn't ask for it. It also doesn't help that he only gets to see her for about 2 hours per day, 5 days out of the week.

So I told him that he needs to some one-on-one time with her and he should start doing some of the care. He is all for it! However, since he's started (three days ago) it's gotten worse. For example, she used to love bathtime, when I would say "Time for your bath!" she would get all excited and run to the bath. Now DH says "Bathtime!" and she screams and runs to me. She protests and cries most of the time in the tub and when he's getting her ready for bed, which is tough for all of us, especially DH. It has gotten worse since the last time.

What do we do? Has anyone else experienced this kind of thing? Is this the kind of thing that gets worse before it gets better? What can he do to fix the bond with her? Are there some books you can suggest for him to read? We are really desperate for some help.

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by on Aug. 29, 2012 at 11:34 PM
Replies (11-17):
Klbushman
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 8:15 PM
1 mom liked this
Had this issue with my dd. so dh started out with daddy/daughter dates every Sunday. He would take her out for breakfast or take her to the park ALONE. Then he would start with something small like fixing her plate for dinner, helping her with her shoes etc. then he went to bigger things like bath time. It just takes time :)
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Mrs.Salz
by Platinum Member on Aug. 30, 2012 at 8:26 PM
1 mom liked this

Our 18 month old is similar. It's a phase and he's getting better.

It seems to help us to have DS do new activities with dad- going out to the garage to "fix" something, read books together, walking around home depot together, etc. instead of taking over the things I would normally do.

FionasMommie
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:21 PM
1 mom liked this

I think you're right. We went "back to normal" tonight, so I led the routine, but this time Daddy was with us hanging out. It went soooooo much better.

I feel silly that I thought the solution was for me to stop the routine cold turkey, because that ALWAYS works right?! lol

Quoting JaxMomma78:

I bet that's more the prob than anything. She associated him to a change she wasn't ready for.


Quoting FionasMommie:

Yeah, I think our mistake was changing the routine all of a sudden. We'll go back to the normal routine and slowly incorperate him.

Tabi - I do play it up and get her excited when he gets home, that's about the only time she is happy to see him.

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

This!!



Also play up daddy alot...when daddy is on the way home tell her and be excited. When daddy gets home be excited to see him, give him hugs and kisses. Show her that daddy is awesome.





Quoting JaxMomma78:

1st don't push it. It's just a phase, she will get over it. If u push it, she will resist and make matters worse.


For now simply include dad in activities u do with her. Ex: u start bathtime then he comes in with a fun toy. Have him read books she is familiar with. U read "daddy friendly books" I have one that says 'Daddy & Me' also Little Critter books by Mercer Mayer have all kind of family books.


I wd have dad start with little things to gain trust, it will happen soon enough. Tell dad to be as silly as possible when he is around.


And tell him it is a phase! Don't feel bad, some kids just go through funny things sometimes. She will be a daddy's girl soon enough ;)





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FionasMommie
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:23 PM

Yeah, I think I'll go out on Saturday and let them have some time together. It's a good excuse for me to get a pedicure! :)

Quoting cemcnair:

Also, take you away as an option. Go run an errand. Let daddy and daughter have some alone time when you are not there!


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FionasMommie
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:26 PM

Ugh, how horrible for you! No parent should have to go through this type of thing! Thank goodness it (hopefully) won't be like this forever...

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

I dunno if it makes you feel better but my 8 year old was like this towards ME, he loved hubby and would cling to him and was willing to go to others but NOT ME.  I worked full time and hubby did too and so we were with him the same amount each day.  Gave me horrible PPD too.  It did get better as he got older because I didnt demand he give em attention or do things with me, I just tagged along with him and daddy

Quoting FionasMommie:

Yeah, I think our mistake was changing the routine all of a sudden. We'll go back to the normal routine and slowly incorperate him.

Tabi - I do play it up and get her excited when he gets home, that's about the only time she is happy to see him.

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

This!!

Also play up daddy alot...when daddy is on the way home tell her and be excited. When daddy gets home be excited to see him, give him hugs and kisses. Show her that daddy is awesome.


Quoting JaxMomma78:

1st don't push it. It's just a phase, she will get over it. If u push it, she will resist and make matters worse.

For now simply include dad in activities u do with her. Ex: u start bathtime then he comes in with a fun toy. Have him read books she is familiar with. U read "daddy friendly books" I have one that says 'Daddy & Me' also Little Critter books by Mercer Mayer have all kind of family books.

I wd have dad start with little things to gain trust, it will happen soon enough. Tell dad to be as silly as possible when he is around.

And tell him it is a phase! Don't feel bad, some kids just go through funny things sometimes. She will be a daddy's girl soon enough ;)




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FionasMommie
by on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:28 PM

Oh I love it too! I mean, sometimes it's tiring but there's nothing I would rather do than be with her, taking care of her all day :)

I'll show this to DH, he'll probably be happy to know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Quoting luvlymum2:

 Haha, you are describing us exactly. I can tell you honestly its just a phase. My first DD was this way, you being her primary caregiver isn't bad at all if you enjoy it, and it is what makes her content. I pretty much did it all, like you, not becaue I had to, I just enjoyed it. By the time she was about 14 mo she would have nothing to do with hubby. It really only lasted for about 5-6 months when she realized daddy was more fun. She's 5 now and is daddy's little grl up and down lol.


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jconney80
by Group Mod on Aug. 30, 2012 at 11:28 PM
I agree. I think it sounds like a phase. I wouldn't put too much worry into it.

Quoting tabi_cat1023:

This!!



Also play up daddy alot...when daddy is on the way home tell her and be excited. When daddy gets home be excited to see him, give him hugs and kisses. Show her that daddy is awesome.




Quoting JaxMomma78:

1st don't push it. It's just a phase, she will get over it. If u push it, she will resist and make matters worse.


For now simply include dad in activities u do with her. Ex: u start bathtime then he comes in with a fun toy. Have him read books she is familiar with. U read "daddy friendly books" I have one that says 'Daddy & Me' also Little Critter books by Mercer Mayer have all kind of family books.


I wd have dad start with little things to gain trust, it will happen soon enough. Tell dad to be as silly as possible when he is around.


And tell him it is a phase! Don't feel bad, some kids just go through funny things sometimes. She will be a daddy's girl soon enough ;)

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