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**UPDATE**Want to do Water Birth/Natural Birth DH Skeptical

Posted by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:45 PM
  • 22 Replies
Dh now refuses to be present for the birth and claims that it's "inverted snobbery" for me not to have a medicated birth. He does not like the fact that I've gone "crunchy" on him and does not appreciate the fact that my friend who is a Doula-in-training will be present. Even though the birth will be in a hospital with a water birth facility, he believes that I'm turning my back on modern medicine. Basically it's other issues in our marriage coming into play-- he likes to have control and I am making a choice independent of wha he thinks and he does not like that. Its sad that he feels that way but I will have my natural childbirth experience whether he chooses to be present or not. The older he gets, the more set in his ways he gets. He refuses to educate himself on the subject, didn't even know what a doula was, but is quick to dismiss the idea anyway. I'm tired of him and his issues...
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by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 12:45 PM
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jenncatsmeow
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:10 PM
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I'm sorry your husband is not being supportive of your natural birthing choices.

However, as long as your pregnancy is "low-risk" there is no reason to involve "modern medicine"....being pregnant is not a medical condition.  Millions of woman have had millions of babies long before modern medicine was even around. 

Do your research, try to present it to him facutally and stick to your guns....while his support would be wonderful...it's not him pushing the baby out, and ultimately, YOU need to be comfortable with your choices for your best possible birth.


And, for the record, I've had 3 "non-medical" births, 2 of which were waterbirths, and the most recent of which was a homebirth. 

joyful_mama
by Bronze Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 1:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Does he seek medical help every time he takes a dump? No, of course not. People may have legitimate problems with their bowels and then it is appropriate to seek medical care.

The same principle applies to birth. Most of the time if things are not interfered with everything is fine. For those times when intervention is necessary it is great to have medical care. We should not seek to circumvent nature because we think we know better. History has shown that man is incredibly stupid when it comes to the human body.

I hope he will come around.
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VintageWife
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:13 PM
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I don't know how I'd deal with that. It's as if he himself is some great medical doctor when he takes offense and accuses you of turning your back on medicines. LOL! Girl, I'd probably crack up in his face if I heard that statement.

louzannalady
by Silver Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:14 PM
1 mom liked this
*hug*
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bibadiva73
by Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:25 PM
It's just that he has a very rigid way of thinking about it. Plus this childish idea that if it can't be "his way", he does not want to participate, as a pouting child would behave. I'm doing a class and reading books, plus talking to my midwife about it. He doesn't even want to discuss it.
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Aslen
by Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:27 PM
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I'd stop having kids with him....

and call a lawyer


Greekmama21
by on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:27 PM
2 moms liked this

Good for you, you should do what is best for you. Plus, labor is about you and the baby- not making your husband happy. 

louzannalady
by Silver Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:30 PM
1 mom liked this
Make sure you have your doula-in-training friend there. And tell him that if he is not 100% on board, then he is not welcome. I believe in honoring your spouse (so I don't cut my hair and I cover when I NIP), but there really must respect on both parties parts. Is he open to going to counselling to work through these unhealthy control issues?

Quoting bibadiva73:

It's just that he has a very rigid way of thinking about it. Plus this childish idea that if it can't be "his way", he does not want to participate, as a pouting child would behave. I'm doing a class and reading books, plus talking to my midwife about it. He doesn't even want to discuss it.
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bibadiva73
by Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:36 PM
It is funny, but it's also pretty annoying because he thinks he knows it all and you can't convince him otherwise. His mom had 6 kids unmedicated, but that was 47 years ago- he was the last one. Yet, for some reason, he doesn't want me to have one natural birth ?? Makes no sense to me...

Quoting VintageWife:

I don't know how I'd deal with that. It's as if he himself is some great medical doctor when he takes offense and accuses you of turning your back on medicines. LOL! Girl, I'd probably crack up in his face if I heard that statement.

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bibadiva73
by Member on Sep. 22, 2012 at 3:42 PM
We have been in counseling, but counseling only works if you actually listen to the therapist. He is never going to change, I know that, but I can choose not to let him affect me with his behavior. I wanted another child for me, not him---knowing how he was, but was not expecting so much resistance about the natural childbirth subject. However, it is a control issue whether he admits to it or not.

Quoting louzannalady:

Make sure you have your doula-in-training friend there. And tell him that if he is not 100% on board, then he is not welcome. I believe in honoring your spouse (so I don't cut my hair and I cover when I NIP), but there really must respect on both parties parts. Is he open to going to counselling to work through these unhealthy control issues?



Quoting bibadiva73:

It's just that he has a very rigid way of thinking about it. Plus this childish idea that if it can't be "his way", he does not want to participate, as a pouting child would behave. I'm doing a class and reading books, plus talking to my midwife about it. He doesn't even want to discuss it.
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