i need help with discipline....toddler/bad mom related.
i need help. serious help. my toddler is driving me insane and i dont know what to do or how to handle it.
he is extremely strong willed. and smart. very smart. independant. in fact he is so independant its inhibiting his verbal skills because he never has to ask for anything...he just does it himself. now i know what you are thinking. how cool would it be to have a 2 year old that can refill his own sippy cup? but its everything. emptying the fridge. breaking glass bottles of condiments. dumping coffee on the ground. taking glass down from the mantel and "playing with it"....it doesnt matter what it is. and a lot of time its dangerous. he thinks the oven door is a trampoline :(
i go to the bathroom and dread coming back out because i am afraid to see what he has ruined. putting things up high doesnt work. he uses anything you can imagine to get to whatever he wants. it doesnt matter if its a toy, or a chair or a saint bernard he is like a freaking acrobat and uses anything he can get his hands onto. short of taking down all the counters and getting rid of the furniture, the chairs and table and eating on the floor i dont know how to stop him. and he is STRONG. i made my husband build a special custom gate to keep him in the living room/dining area. it has three different locks on it. not only can he do a pull up and swing over the top of it but he can undo all three locks. and these are from a farming department store! any regular type of childproofing locks are useless. he figures them out no matter what. i cant keep him contained no matter what i try.
redirecting doesnt work. time outs do not work. screaming doesnt work. spanking doesnt work. he will repetatively keep doing the same thing over and over again until i just lose it. part of the problem is my ptsd. i cant handle that sort of over stimulation. it makes me sick and triggers me in a way that i cannot control. even on medication i cant handle it. i scream all the time. i find myself covering my ears and wanting to run away. but if i do that i have no idea what the heck i will come back to....the only time i get a break is when he is sleeping.
i dont know if this behavior is normal...it probably is. i know some kids are just calmer and more submissive by nature. he isnt one of them. i feel like a horrible mother. i dont like being this kind of mom. i HATE being this kind of mom. if i were to look at myself as an outsider i would call myself a bad mom. i dont know what i am supposed to do :(
my last resort is to switch his bedroom to a room with a door that closes very hard...the door jam is screwed up and even i can barely open it and close it. most people think its locked because you cant even turn the handle. you have to lift the door up on the hinges and then twist. is it horrible to put him in there? at least i know he would be safe and could only get into toys. he couldnt get out. and honestly i need more of a time out than he does. sometimes i just need to be able to put him somewhere where i know he is safe so i can walk away for 10 minutes and calm myself down and reground. plus maybe if i had him in this room i would be able to say "if you do that ONE MORE TIME you are going to your room" and maybe after a while he would learn that i was serious and might start listening. i dont care if he plays with toys...in fact maybe the quiet space would help him learn to redirect himself. i dont know. i am at a total loss.
what would you do? please dont bash me. i really need help :(