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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Bedsharing Question

Posted by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:24 AM
  • 9 Replies
My daughter will be 10months on Tues and I am starting to doubt myself. Since day 1 she has refused to sleep alone. Who blames her? She was ejected from her warm squishy home and we expected her to all of a sudden be happy sleeping in a cold, hard bassinet? No way. I quickly became comfortable bedsharing and have been happy since.

The problem is that my daughter has never ever slept more than 20 min unless she is on a chest or cuddled next to me with access to my breast as a paci. She won't take a pacifier and as soon as I get out of bed she will always wake w/in 15 min.

I was sure she would be at least napping alone by now but it is starting to seem like she will depend on my breast as a paci or my mom or mil and a cuddle buddy forever. For now I have no problems with it but I'd like to hear someone they their baby was the same way but finally adjusted and was able to sleep alone at least for naps at some point!

If anything I could use reassurance that this isn't a bad thing. My mom always makes me feel like I created this sleeping tendency by not letting her CIO and that she will be like this forever.
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by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:24 AM
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Replies (1-9):
illegallyblonde
by Stephany on Nov. 18, 2012 at 11:51 AM
My son is 10 months and still takes his naps nursing on my lap. He sleeps with us too. I nurse him to sleep at night and when he falls asleep I put him in his crib. He will usually sleep there for an hour or two. This gives DH and I a little time together.then when he wakes up we all go to bed. The past couple nights he has been refusing to go in the crib bc of heavy teething.

I guess I'm no help. We don't CIO either.
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GoodyBrook
by Silver Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:06 PM

DS shared the bed with us until at 15 months I finally had enough of my kidneys being kicked by his pointy little toes, and I put him in his bed beside ours.  He (and we!) did just fine with the transition from night one.  At 18 months he showed he was fine to be moved into his own sleeping room.  (Though I  must say that my DH is up 3 or 4 times per night "just checking" on him, where he never did when DS was in our room because we could hear him breathe!)

I found that it's best not to tell my rather traditional family about ANYTHING having to do with how I raise my son, including the whole bed-sharing bit...  Nothing to set their tounges wagging like knowing that my son has never cried himself to sleep, like theirs did on a nightly basis for years!

doulala
by Gold Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:11 PM

My babies were like that, absolutely!     Now they are big kids sleeping alone in their own beds, own rooms, unless they have sleepovers with a friend, lol.    
They WILL become independant in time.     Babies are dependant for a short period, I promise it is hard now, but temporary.

BlessingsMama
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:33 PM
We happily bedshare with our 20 month but it works for us. He is certainly capable of sleeping in his own room and own bed. He can fall asleep without nursing though it doesn't always happen. For naps he usually goes to bed almost entirely independently. He will either climb on the couch or in our bed and just go to sleep. When he awakens from his nap I usually nurse him back to sleep so he'll nap longer. At night there are times he will do his usual bedtime routine and give me a hug and kiss and will go to sleep alone in our bed without even a fuss. Other times he insists on nursing to sleep. Either way it works for us. At this point I'm fairly sure if he was in his own room more likely than not he would just come to our room and climb in our bed.

Ultimately you have to do what is best for you and your LO. I know family especially can be judgemental but it isn't any of their business. You can certainly encourage your LO to sleep independently (even if only for naps) gently and without CIO granted it will take time, patience, on consistency. But do it for yourself not because of someone else's opinion of normal.
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MissSarah04
by Bronze Member on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:39 PM
1 mom liked this
This is just what I needed to hear. All of these responses have been great. Thank you!

I am in no hurry to make her grow up faster or sleep in her own room/bed anytime soon. I just needed to know that someday she will be ready to sleep alone.

I firmly believe that she will be a strong independent child/teenager if I let her grow and develop at her own pace. However, as a first time mom I get bombarded by advice and as strongly as I stand my ground, that "advice" slowly chips away at my resolve and I always end doubting myself at some point.


Quoting doulala:

My babies were like that, absolutely!     Now they are big kids sleeping alone in their own beds, own rooms, unless they have sleepovers with a friend, lol.    
They WILL become independant in time.     Babies are dependant for a short period, I promise it is hard now, but temporary.

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adamsmama
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 1:53 PM

My son was the same way. He started napping alone (I still had to nurse him down) and sleeping through the night at about 2 years old. Now at 5.5, putting him to bed is so easy. I just tuck him in, say goodnight and walk out. He rarely wakes during the night. I think tending to his needs when he needed it had something to do with it. My niece, who had to CIO in a crib, has a lot of night time drama even now at 5 yo. So I would say keep up the good work. This time in her life will pass quickly.

 

JoJoBean8
by Group Mod on Nov. 18, 2012 at 2:37 PM

Ds started not being about to sleep with me around 6 months. He went into his crib and slept. It was horrible for me. I stayed up all night staring at the monitor. Now at 19 months he has decided he wants to sleep with me again. I sleep so much better. I know it can be a pain but once she moves you won't sleep as well. You will always worry. 

jconney80
by Group Mod on Nov. 18, 2012 at 5:20 PM
I totally understand how you feel. I have 2 younger kids. One is 2.5 & one is a year old... They're 20 months. They were both the same way! Actually they still are to some extent. My 13 month old is still sleeping next to me in a crib sidecarred to my bed. She wakes up if I get up also. Last night she slept 1.5 hours straight without me next to her and that's the longest she's slept after I've gotten up. My son was moved to his own bed at 19 months old and did great. He finally just started falling asleep more independently for naps but he will sleep alone. He still nurses as well. So it does get better it just takes time!!
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DragonX
by on Nov. 18, 2012 at 6:00 PM

Mine was the same way and for a while I swore I would end up having to go with her to college or she would never be able to sleep. But she did grow out of needing me to be right there to stay asleep. It started off with naps when she was around a year old. Before then she napped on the Boppy in my lap, but she was just getting too big. So we got her a mattress and put it on the floor of her room. I'd nurse her to sleep, and then get up. When she woke up, I'd go back in, nurse her back down, and get up again. It did take several days before she started sleeping longer stretches. Once she was going an hour during naps alone, I started putting her in her own bed at night the same way for naps.

She's 16 months right now, and I wish I had a better outcome to share, but currently at night I am very lucky to get a 1 hour stretch from her without needing to go give her more boobie. Some nights she is crying for me literally every 5 minutes! I go in, she latches on, falls back asleep instantly, rolls away after a minute, then is crying again a few minutes after I leave. But I just keep it up. I figure (or just really really hope? lol) at some point she'll just sleep longer. Also, once I'm ready to go to bed, I usually bring her to bed with me, or I go to bed but bring her back with me the next time she wakes.

Still, having freedom during naps and semi-freedom for a while at night has been awesome considering she was physically with me literally 24/7 for the first year of her life!

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