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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

I feel like I have done natural (AP) parenting all wrong.

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:09 AM
  • 27 Replies

I have a beautiful 18 month old son. 


I knew nothing of babies when I had him. I knew I wanted to keep things as natural as I could. Unfortunately that led to me being the only one up with him at night- even thinking he was awake at every whimper- so I would pick him up and breastfeed him. Breastfeeding became out go-to. I became the cuddler, the nurturer and left my DF behind. I refused CIO much to his dismay and everyone telling us that "That's how you do it". But now he is 18 months old, wants nothing to do with his dad and is becoming more and more irrate with me when I refuse to nurse him. He is 18 months old and still nurses some 20 times a day and all night. No, that is not an exaggeration. 

He does fine at daycare, they can even get him to nap without a bottle! 

I feel like while I had the best intentions I feel like I perpetuated this in the worst way. 

by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:09 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Melame68
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:17 AM
That doesn't sound like odd behavior for an 18 month old. Especially a bf 18 month old. My son is 18 months and we bf/ff (IGT) and he's still like that. He nurses for like 6 seconds in the morning...that's it
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justone_jen
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:18 AM
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CIO wouldn't have made dad and baby's relationship any stronger. Only dad can.

I don't think this is a you issue. And if it is, lots of us are doing it wrong. ;)
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jellyphish
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:48 AM
What they said.
I see no reason for concern, can you maybe elaborate on the behavior that concerns you?
If daddy doesn't want to be hands on with babe, that's not on you at all. There's no reason he can't hold him too. Right?
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nicki.hemingway
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:53 AM

Could be a clingy phase.  When ds was about 2 we couldn't be out of sight or he would freak out.

jconney80
by Group Mod on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:12 AM
I think it is pretty typical. A lot of people have this misconception that NP automatically= independent baby/ toddler right away. That isn't a child who is nursed and NP way of developing. They are clingy until they outgrow that need to be met.

Also kids need to be given emotional support to learn how to be independent. They need to be taught how to master skills and this is just another area that requires help. It doesn't mean tears or forcing them into independence. It's not all or nothing. If he has a hard time with dad then work up to it slowly getting better. Find ways for dad to do that are on his level so that they can bond even if it's just for a few moments. Then gradually lengthen that time in a positive way.

My son was like this. I became pregnant with my daughter when he was only 11 months old. He didn't sleep at all and it was so exhausting to me. I needed help. My hubby would wear our son in a Boba carrier if I needed sleep. He would sit back reclined in the recliner sofa.wearing him so he could sleep while wearing him. He started taking over things slowly because we knew it would be a lot on me with tandem nursing etc. It worked out great and both kids are very close to both of us. Have dad wear him whenever possible, read books, bathe, play, etc.
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MamaPrime
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:41 AM

The thing that most concerns me is that when I am gone (I work saturdays and that's DOmmie/Daddy day) they are fine while I am gone. They go for walks, they play. But as soon as I am home our DS literally pushes his dad away and says "NO NO NO". Last night I tried to get DS to sleep for  hours and he just wasn't having it.  He wouldn't calm down, he was tired and loopy and kept standing in his bed. I was starting to get frustrated so I told DF that I needed a break. DS went from loopy and goofy to  full blown hysterical. Then DF got pissed and told me never to do that to him again. I need a break too! Sometime I just want to do dishes to feel like I am not just one giant walking boob. I just feel that earlier on I could have done more to find other ways to soothe him. I could have tried rocking more or walking more, shushing or patting more instead of always going to the breast. 

MamaPrime
by Bronze Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 9:43 AM

Plus I just don't have the support for this type of parenting that I should have built. It is me and DF and baby and that is it. We have friends, but they are all in the creative/theater business and are never around or willing to help. Everything has been on us. If only we had moved closer to family or other friends I might occasionally get that break. 

Khelmoria
by Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:21 AM

I hope this does not sound rude, but what about just taking care of your baby in the fashion HE requires? I am so discouraged to hear moms say that they are not doing x,y and z by the book. every baby is different, so stop stressing about messing up and just enjoy your unique  little person.

My husband does not have as close a bond with our oldest but that has nothing to do with breatfeeding (in our case) I just never handed baby over to anyone baby was MINE! I was working full time when I had the others so dady was "allowed" contact... lol.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:33 AM
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Sounds to me like normal for this age. And kids/babies have preferences..so he prefers you now, it happens. My older kids prefer daddy because he is the fun one, it happens. Parenting is not all fun and games sometimes kids go hysterical and your hubby needs to get over it. Tantrums are just that, giving into a tantrum is not APing, its giving into a tantrum. If you refuse to nurse for the 20th time in a day and he throws a fit, its a fit..not time to get in. Thats not cio. Thats setting limits and being a parent
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peaches_04
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 11:46 AM
Sounds like a normal 18month old to me
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