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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

help me understand

Posted by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:10 PM
  • 29 Replies

 this is not a bash at all. i really want to understand. i have seen a lot of posts about young toddlers who don't like their daddy or are still attached to the boob 24/7. that is not what i want for my next child. i want to bf til 2 but my original understanding was that meant a few times a day like morning, nap, and night after age 1. i also can't imagine having a child who isn't in love with dh. i didn't bf past a few weeks and i have worked part time or been in school since ds was 4 weeks old. dh and ds have this incredible bond! i can't imagine a future child not having that. it would make me very very sad. and dh too. so am i going against all natural parenting if i limit bf after one and encourage alone daddy time? or is there a good way to balance it?

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by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:10 PM
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Replies (1-10):
soulofsunmama
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:18 PM
1 mom liked this
Mine is almost15months, still nurses constantly,lol, but loves loves LOVES his daddy time...the nursing doesn't have anything to do with it, sure, they may want you more sometimes when they need it/you/that kind of comfort (and extremely valuable tool)!!
They will bond with daddy just fine, granted, he's spending his valuable time nurturing that. Kwim?
Then, at some point, you may be like "what happened to my baby, all grown up and just wants daddy all the time,:( that's when bewbies really come in handy,lol:)
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EthansMomma2010
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:26 PM
Thanks. What kinds of things could dh offer the baby for comfort? DS used a paci but not sure I want to do that again. Dh babywears, cooks for DS, and is the bomb at getting him to sleep but idk about a younger baby kwim?

Quoting soulofsunmama:

Mine is almost15months, still nurses constantly,lol, but loves loves LOVES his daddy time...the nursing doesn't have anything to do with it, sure, they may want you more sometimes when they need it/you/that kind of comfort (and extremely valuable tool)!!
They will bond with daddy just fine, granted, he's spending his valuable time nurturing that. Kwim?
Then, at some point, you may be like "what happened to my baby, all grown up and just wants daddy all the time,:( that's when bewbies really come in handy,lol:)
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soulofsunmama
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:36 PM
Younger babies need to grow into it I believe, and I mean, it is going to probably be *you* most of the time for awhile...that's just the nature of any baby I presume, your mama!:)
When mine was younger we always went for a walk in the late afternoon/evening before bed routine...and has always(is) been a part of bedtime.
That really helped establish a neutral territory where we were both constantly present, and he got very familiar with that, and loved the fresh air (very calming before
before bed).
As he got older, bf would get up with him in the am on weekends, and that was there time, they would go get coffee, or whatever.
Anyway, that was one major way we did it, unconsciously I might add, but worked
beautifully:)
They will figure it out:)
Oh yea, bf wasn't always like " yay, we're going walking" there were definitely times I was kicking butts out the door,lol
Quoting EthansMomma2010:

Thanks. What kinds of things could dh offer the baby for comfort? DS used a paci but not sure I want to do that again. Dh babywears, cooks for DS, and is the bomb at getting him to sleep but idk about a younger baby kwim?



Quoting soulofsunmama:

Mine is almost15months, still nurses constantly,lol, but loves loves LOVES his daddy time...the nursing doesn't have anything to do with it, sure, they may want you more sometimes when they need it/you/that kind of comfort (and extremely valuable tool)!!
They will bond with daddy just fine, granted, he's spending his valuable time nurturing that. Kwim?
Then, at some point, you may be like "what happened to my baby, all grown up and just wants daddy all the time,:( that's when bewbies really come in handy,lol:)
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
BlessingsMama
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:38 PM
I think it depends on the baby and daddy. There are certainly ways in which dad and baby can bond regardless of whether they are breastfed. My DS and DH are very well bonded. DS is 20 months old breastfed and am pregnant with our second. I think it is important to let dad (especially first timers) have the chance to discover their own methods for soothing and comforting baby. If DS is with me or knows I am home he most often wants to nurse to sleep. There are plenty of times he will just go cuddle with dad and fall asleep or even nurse and then go cuddle and fall asleep with DH. There are times too he cuddles in between the two of us and falls asleep without nursing at all.

My son gets extremely excited when DH gets home. Everyday when he leaves we go outside and he waves to him while saying buh-bye. For my DH it was hardest the first 6 months but it was a learning experience. I would limit BF. I would encourage daddy and baby bonding. That includes mommy night outs/off.
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soulofsunmama
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:44 PM
I absolutely agree with this...except limiting breastfeeding, I wouldn't ever recommend that personally,lol, but they WILL figure it all out!:-)

Quoting BlessingsMama:

I think it depends on the baby and daddy. There are certainly ways in which dad and baby can bond regardless of whether they are breastfed. My DS and DH are very well bonded. DS is 20 months old breastfed and am pregnant with our second. I think it is important to let dad (especially first timers) have the chance to discover their own methods for soothing and comforting baby. If DS is with me or knows I am home he most often wants to nurse to sleep. There are plenty of times he will just go cuddle with dad and fall asleep or even nurse and then go cuddle and fall asleep with DH. There are times too he cuddles in between the two of us and falls asleep without nursing at all.



My son gets extremely excited when DH gets home. Everyday when he leaves we go outside and he waves to him while saying buh-bye. For my DH it was hardest the first 6 months but it was a learning experience. I would limit BF. I would encourage daddy and baby bonding. That includes mommy night outs/off.
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EthansMomma2010
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:48 PM
Thanks. It's good to hear positive stories. I know the first 6 months will be mostly me but I just want to make sure I don't exclude dh when baby is little either.

Quoting BlessingsMama:

I think it depends on the baby and daddy. There are certainly ways in which dad and baby can bond regardless of whether they are breastfed. My DS and DH are very well bonded. DS is 20 months old breastfed and am pregnant with our second. I think it is important to let dad (especially first timers) have the chance to discover their own methods for soothing and comforting baby. If DS is with me or knows I am home he most often wants to nurse to sleep. There are plenty of times he will just go cuddle with dad and fall asleep or even nurse and then go cuddle and fall asleep with DH. There are times too he cuddles in between the two of us and falls asleep without nursing at all.



My son gets extremely excited when DH gets home. Everyday when he leaves we go outside and he waves to him while saying buh-bye. For my DH it was hardest the first 6 months but it was a learning experience. I would limit BF. I would encourage daddy and baby bonding. That includes mommy night outs/off.
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melindabelcher
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:55 PM
I find when dad is consistently and actively involved from the begining it's not an issue. It's when dad defaults to mom for everything regardless of feeding method.
Nursing after 1 is up to you. I continued to nurse on demand/before solids until 18mo then on demand as much as possible until self weaning shes currently 3yo and nursing 1-3times a day. However at 2 it was closer to 6-10 times a day
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jellyphish
by Platinum Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 2:55 PM
1 mom liked this
It varies by child. Isis was not like this at all. She was only nursing a few times a day for the second, third year and by the end only a couple times a week. She was also a daddy's girl. We didn't do anything different than any of these other moms, she just is drawn to daddy and prefers to be with him come bed time or whatever. Sometimes it was hard to believe, but that never meant she didn't love me. It's not an ap thing, necessarily, it's a personality thing as well.
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kitchen.sink
by Member on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:15 PM
1 mom liked this

My 18 month old still nurses quite a bit during the day and night... and if he's hurt or tired or cranky he does prefer me over my husband most times. But he LOVES his daddy!! My husband takes him to the park or out on errands with him or I leave the kids home with him and they have an awesome time together. You should see the way my toddler's face lights up when daddy walks in the door every day after work! Breastfeeding and attachment parenting have nothing to do with a child not having a bond with their father... it's completely normal for an infant/toddler to prefer mom over dad when they're tiny and breastfeeding... doesn't mean dad can't create a healthy, loving relationship with his child! All of my children have an amazing bond with their father. :)

BlessingsMama
by on Nov. 20, 2012 at 3:40 PM
It was suppose to say wouldn't.


Quoting soulofsunmama:

I absolutely agree with this...except limiting breastfeeding, I wouldn't ever recommend that personally,lol, but they WILL figure it all out!:-)



Quoting BlessingsMama:

I think it depends on the baby and daddy. There are certainly ways in which dad and baby can bond regardless of whether they are breastfed. My DS and DH are very well bonded. DS is 20 months old breastfed and am pregnant with our second. I think it is important to let dad (especially first timers) have the chance to discover their own methods for soothing and comforting baby. If DS is with me or knows I am home he most often wants to nurse to sleep. There are plenty of times he will just go cuddle with dad and fall asleep or even nurse and then go cuddle and fall asleep with DH. There are times too he cuddles in between the two of us and falls asleep without nursing at all.





My son gets extremely excited when DH gets home. Everyday when he leaves we go outside and he waves to him while saying buh-bye. For my DH it was hardest the first 6 months but it was a learning experience. I would limit BF. I would encourage daddy and baby bonding. That includes mommy night outs/off.

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