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What are your most effective approaches to handling a fairly defiant and strong willed toddler?
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by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:55 AM
Replies (11-19):
nicki.hemingway
by Bronze Member on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:03 PM
1 mom liked this

Distract, redirect, and conquer!

thundersky
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this
It sounds like her cousin is pushing her buttons and she cant take it any more and lashes out. Maybe work on who pushed who's buttons. Then work on them communicating with eachother.


Quoting taeray:

We have a very set schedule and she maps almost every day at 11:30. Occasionally my nephew, who I babysit for, will wake her and those are some of our bad days.

She doesn't get juice or a lot of sugary snacks.



Her biggest problem is getting frustrated with other kids. Her older cousins are very pushy with her and sometimes mean and it's starting to bring out this more aggressive nature in her. I correct the older child but she's a toddler too. One minute they're playing nicely the next, one of them is on the other and they're hitting and biting.




Quoting graycalico:

Distraction works great, and avoiding things that you know will set them off. I don't mean catering to them, but if you skip nap and give them too much sugar you can't be surprised if they act up, for example.

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taeray
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:47 PM
I have recently been trying that phrase, I will keep trying. She picks up words very well so hopefully she'll start understanding.

Biting back does not work. She started biting be cause her cousin would bite her and it would just make her chomp down like a pit bull and not let go. We've found she has a very high tolerance for pain because almost nothing phases her.

Thank for all your suggestions though. I appreciate the feedback.


Quoting nicole2884:

I have used the phrase


" it hurts. when you.... because it doesnt feel good to be... "





"You hurt. .... when you bite them because your teeth are Sharpe like a knife"








If it becomes a nightmare i have heard gently biting back from parent helps




Quoting taeray:

The trigger is usually frustration or exhaustion. She'll throw herself on the ground if I ask her to leave a room she shouldn't be in or cry if I tell her to apologize for hitting. She really doesn't throw that many fits. Her biggest problem is hitting and biting other kids when they frustrate her. I know she will eventually grow out of both but I can't not correct her. I usually remove her from the situation, emphasize no hitting and no biting, that we kisses and hugs but sometimes her frustration will come out of nowhere. She hit her cousin right on the head with a wooden block this morning because her cousin wasn't sharing.



When we do time out, afterwards when she's calmed down, we hold hands and I ask her why she was in time out. It's 50/50 that she'll answer me but she's getting better. And there are times when I'll see her go to hit, stop, and remind herself "no hitting". Recently its just starting to get worse.






Quoting nicole2884:

Find the trigger of his tantrums an try removing them









Talk it out like you would with your so but with more details









Warn them more if he doesnt want his diapers changed tell you need to a minute before doing it an then again when you do it
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taeray
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 2:51 PM
You're right, her cousin triggers her most of the time. I can deal with the typical toddler "listening" problems, but she's very hard to manage when her cousin starts getting her riled up.

Her cousin is a very good kid she's just dealing with a new baby at home and sharing issues. She snatches a lot and I stress to her every day that we don't snatch, we need to share, and that we don't play that way. She's only three so she too is still learning. I don't hold dd accountable for her cousin's actions but I still try to make her see she doesn't have to hit when she's frustrated. I guess I just need to keep stressing alternatives to her and hope she will start catching on spon.


Quoting thundersky:

It sounds like her cousin is pushing her buttons and she cant take it any more and lashes out. Maybe work on who pushed who's buttons. Then work on them communicating with eachother.




Quoting taeray:

We have a very set schedule and she maps almost every day at 11:30. Occasionally my nephew, who I babysit for, will wake her and those are some of our bad days.


She doesn't get juice or a lot of sugary snacks.





Her biggest problem is getting frustrated with other kids. Her older cousins are very pushy with her and sometimes mean and it's starting to bring out this more aggressive nature in her. I correct the older child but she's a toddler too. One minute they're playing nicely the next, one of them is on the other and they're hitting and biting.






Quoting graycalico:

Distraction works great, and avoiding things that you know will set them off. I don't mean catering to them, but if you skip nap and give them too much sugar you can't be surprised if they act up, for example.

Posted on the NEW CafeMom Mobile
peaches_04
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:09 PM
1 mom liked this
Redirection/distraction


Taking away overly stimulating things.

We have a calm down room...aka my library office and it helps to take her in there and read stories
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Brandy85412
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 6:34 PM

idk I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with my toddler who is that.

catholicmamamia
by on Feb. 7, 2013 at 11:50 PM

Eight Tools for Toddler Discipline 


                
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Mitzi31
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:21 AM

It may sound mean but the ONLY way my mom got me to stop biting when I was little was to bite me back. It doesn't take much to hurt and the child then knows how it feels. Although I think you have to do it when you or the child isn't angry. They need to NOT associate the hurting with anger cause I think that would just make them want to bite back like kids do. I guess they need that "talking to" first and then they need to know what it feels like. Most people I know that have tried that worked but every child is different. If she's a sweet loving child I think it would work. JMO. I don't have a toddler yet, she's only 6 months. I'm reading all this stuff now to get a feel on things for ME to do too when the time comes. :)


Quoting nicole2884:

I have used the phrase

" it hurts. when you.... because it doesnt feel good to be... "



"You hurt. .... when you bite them because your teeth are Sharpe like a knife"





If it becomes a nightmare i have heard gently biting back from parent helps


Quoting taeray:

The trigger is usually frustration or exhaustion. She'll throw herself on the ground if I ask her to leave a room she shouldn't be in or cry if I tell her to apologize for hitting. She really doesn't throw that many fits. Her biggest problem is hitting and biting other kids when they frustrate her. I know she will eventually grow out of both but I can't not correct her. I usually remove her from the situation, emphasize no hitting and no biting, that we kisses and hugs but sometimes her frustration will come out of nowhere. She hit her cousin right on the head with a wooden block this morning because her cousin wasn't sharing.


When we do time out, afterwards when she's calmed down, we hold hands and I ask her why she was in time out. It's 50/50 that she'll answer me but she's getting better. And there are times when I'll see her go to hit, stop, and remind herself "no hitting". Recently its just starting to get worse.




Quoting nicole2884:

Find the trigger of his tantrums an try removing them







Talk it out like you would with your so but with more details







Warn them more if he doesnt want his diapers changed tell you need to a minute before doing it an then again when you do it



greenlvnanna
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:32 PM
1 mom liked this

I've been struggling with my 4yo lately.  I think I'm getting it though. I've been consistent with the redirection and when it comes to it the time outs and I've been getting him back into a nap routine.  He's getting a little better I think/hope.

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