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Starting the homebirth conversation with spouse?

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:33 AM
  • 17 Replies

I have been thinking about having a homebirth with our third child.  I'm not pregnant yet but will probably be within the year.  I have a husband who is more mainstream on a lot of things.  Childbirth being one of them.  He is also very hard to convince.  I could throw facts and books and videos at him and he won't believe a thing I say.  Now if it comes out of someone elses mouth, like say a Dr or nurse he is more likely to believe it.  For instance, he didn't understand why I wouldn't use drugs while I was pregnant or during labor until we did the birthing class and the teacher explained it even after I told him the same reasons. 

I know that talking to a homebirth midwife will be the best way to convince him, which we have in our town and plan to have a consultation with.  How do I start the conversation?  What worked best for you if you have a husband like mine?

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:33 AM
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by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 7:19 AM
My DH in pretty mainstream and I hit him with the $. I called the hospital and got their figures for how much a vaginal and csection cost, then figured our out of pocket with our insurance. Compared that to the cost of several local MWs.

That got him onboard and during our time with our MW he came around even more and now thinks homebirth is a wonderful thing for tons of reasons. :)

Good luck!
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by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:22 AM
You could tell him that you'd like to interview different care providers and have him come along, then once you meet with the midwife talk about it.
It doesn't seem like he would know anything about alternative medicine and in that case, you are right, he isn't going to respond well until talking to a professional. My dh is the same way. He even comes from a more holistic culture than ours and still wasn't fond if the idea.
You could also compile a list of stats such as pricing, percent success rate for planned hb compared to natural hospital birth. That would be great if he's a "numbers person" such as an accountant, engineer or working in the medical field, etc.
You could show him great homebirth videos that use relaxation and are very calm, and then talk about hospital or show hospital births that are "typical." Those are great if he's more visual.

You should head on over to Birth is Normal (say I referred you on your app) so you can ask more ladies.
The BIN is pretty hardcore when it comes to having an oohb and may be able to give you more/better ways to talk to him.

Good luck and I hope you get your oohb!
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by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:30 AM

I might say something like, I am wanting to interview MWs to see what they have to say.     And plan for him to attend.    You don't have to say you are planning a HB yet.


by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:33 AM
I would watch Business of Being Born with him then talk about it and then make the consult.
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by Tabi - Admin on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:40 AM

Start the conversation by saying you have been doing more and more research and you want to make sure that you are both on the same page.

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 10:03 AM
I'm not much help because my hubby was on board with it but that's because he watched the business of being born and he understands the risks of a hospital birth! But I would explain to him most hospitals are about money like he's a sales Rep for a medical company and he's had to learn to be as fast as possible when he meets them because they have to make like 15000 every HR or something crazy I can't remember! But they'll push to do drugs if possible and women who use drugs are more likely to have a c-section! And he loved that we were home, didn't have to go anywhere two hrs after she was here we were in our bed asleep it was awesome! We loved it, and water birth the way to go!!!! Good luck if you have questions he wants answered my hubby and I could try and help we just had a home birth four months ago!
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by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 11:19 AM

with our first nothing I said/friends said could convince him otherwise... soo when we have our second, I have already told him, the first was in a hospital like he asked, and our second WILL be born at home. I Love him, respect him, however, I feel like a LOT of the issues we had with our first daughters birth was due in part to being at a hospital...once I explained that to him and pretty much made a firm "this is what I want/need to do" he was good:) good luck hun!

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 2:35 PM

Ask him to do his own research about it.

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:34 PM
No idea. My husband is mainstream too and I gave up on a home birth long ago. Still, I was happy to have two birth center births. This one will be born in a hospital though because we cannot afford to pay out of pocket like we have in the past.
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by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:22 PM

My first thought is simply bring it up that you're looking into it. Gathering information never hurts. I'm hoping to go all natural this time around as well. Haven't totally decided on homebirth or birth center though. Good luck.

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