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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Starting the homebirth conversation with spouse?

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I have been thinking about having a homebirth with our third child.  I'm not pregnant yet but will probably be within the year.  I have a husband who is more mainstream on a lot of things.  Childbirth being one of them.  He is also very hard to convince.  I could throw facts and books and videos at him and he won't believe a thing I say.  Now if it comes out of someone elses mouth, like say a Dr or nurse he is more likely to believe it.  For instance, he didn't understand why I wouldn't use drugs while I was pregnant or during labor until we did the birthing class and the teacher explained it even after I told him the same reasons. 

I know that talking to a homebirth midwife will be the best way to convince him, which we have in our town and plan to have a consultation with.  How do I start the conversation?  What worked best for you if you have a husband like mine?

by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 3:33 AM
Replies (11-17):
Liz132
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:27 PM

 Find a MW you like and set up an appointment. Tell your hubby you are considering homebirth and have him make a list of any questions he has, then go together and talk to the MW.  

GoodyBrook
by Silver Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 8:33 PM

Tell him that he needs to convince you with facts why you SHOULD have a hospital birth...

BridgetMc
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:46 PM
I've had two hospital births and both had different draw backs that made me less than happy about the experience as a whole. I've discussed my feeling with my husband as the years have passed. After our first daughter I told him I didn't like that hospital and wanted to use a different one but instill liked my doctor. Before our second was born the hospital became more baby friendly (no babies in nursery unless necessary, which was the problem with my first- I couldn't get her back from the nursery for almost six hours) so we decided we liked our doctor enough to give the same hospital a second chance. This time my doctor ended up on vacation when my second was born and I ha a traumatic experience with the on call ob. After that I told my husband if we ever have a third I want to meet with a midwife.

There is only one midwife in my area and she is about an hour and a half away from us. She has a birthing center that same distance away. For a while we talked about having a birth center experience but, in the end, that hour and a half is a long way to travel in labor and then home with a newborn so we have slowly whittled things down to deciding if we have a third it will likely be a homebirth.

This is coming from someone who thought homebirthers were crazy hippies when I had my first. I've always been too scared of drugs or epidurals so both of my births have been drug free even though they were in the hospital but I now see the advantages to birthing at home.
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BridgetMc
by Bronze Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:49 PM
1 mom liked this
Maybe approaching the subject with your feeling instead of facts will be a softer way of expressing the way you feel? That's how I've always talked about my births. Not so mich about risks or statistics but I talk about how certain things have made me feel. Then it's a personal thing not a medical thing.
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MommaTasha1003
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 9:57 PM

Birth in america, business of being born are 2 things to watch with him..  My dh pretty much supports what I want, he trusts that I know what is best for me & our kids when it comes to alot of that stuff.. He knows I research stuff like crazy & he wouldnt have a leg to stand on if he tried to debate me- except for "well everyone else does it this way" lol..

When DH wanted to argue with me about leaving ds intact, i just told him let the research do the talking- give me proof :) .... He went looking & his mind was changed. DS is whole! :)

RachieAych
by Member on Feb. 9, 2013 at 2:32 AM

Thank you all for your ideas.  I do like the idea of making it more of a personal thing instead of just medical, but I know I will have to throw some stats in there as well.  I think I will start by asking him what HE thinks about a water birth because that is what I want to do.  Then I would let the conversation spring from there and mention that a home birth would be the only way to have a water birth.  Then see what he says and have some facts on hand to throw into the conversation.  If he doesn't seem too interested I would let it go for a bit then bring it back up at another time.  I could see him looking info up on his own after the idea has been planted in his head.  If he asks why I'm interested in it, I would tell him how I felt during the 2 previous hospital births and mention that I think a home birth would be better for us.  I would also ask him how he felt during everything.

Unfortunately now is not the time to start this.  He tore his bicep tendon and has to have surgery for that.  The whole recovery process is about 6 months.  Maybe after he has had his own major medical experience he might be more open to things.  I know arm surgery is not the same as childbirth, but just being in that environment and having numerous people assessing him might give him a little insight as to how I felt having 5-6 people staring at my vagina while I was pushing a child out. 

peaches_04
by on Feb. 9, 2013 at 3:15 AM
This is what i did

Quoting notjstanothrmom:

I would watch Business of Being Born with him then talk about it and then make the consult.
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