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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Anyone feel like talking this out with me?

Posted by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:22 PM
  • 15 Replies
I have always been certain about my family plans, but I no longer am and its driving me crazy. I have two kids, a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. Right now my family feels complete, but I have this nagging feeling... maybe I want another one. Not right now... maybe 3 or 4 years from now. Maybe longer. But some day... maybe.

But my daughter is starting school this year, my son two years later and I have wanted to go back to school, take a a midwifery apprenticeship, start attending births as a doula, etc, etc... I have big plans. So far, its not looking like I will have the option of birth work. Plenty of room for birth activism here, but the natural birth community is fractured and disparate and I feel like if that's not an option by the time both kids are in school I'm just as happy to go to college. I would get a BA in music... probably music education.

But the problem is that if I go to college, dropping out to have a baby and not finishing my degree will put a financial strain on my family. I will have to finance my education at least partially with student loans. If I go to college, I have to be committed to finishing and then finding work to pay the loans.

I feel like I have such a short time to decide. I don't want to sit around at home with both my kids inschool. I ddon't think birth work (and its attendant flexibility) is going to be a viable option. And I don't know why I feel so torn and pressured to figure this out when I have 2 1/2 years. The way has always been clear to me, but now that I'm uncertain about having more kids, know that I want to start a career in the next 3 years or so, and have no experience as a working mother, I am confused and unhappy about being confused lol.

Thoughts? Experience?
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
sj3starz
by Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:28 PM

First of all you wouldn't have to drop out to have a baby. I gave birth right before finals one semester and went back in the spring which was about 2 months later. There are ways to make it work!

That being said, it is really important that you have the drive to go through school with a family. It's not easy. I can't help you make the decision on what you want to do, but make sure that you go and get out as fast as possible. Testing the waters with a degree isn't something that is advised because of time constraints with family, and money! It would cost you a lot in classes that will be dropped off.

All in all you have to find where your true passion lies. No one but you can tell you what YOU want and what YOU enjoy most. Follow your heart in this decision as the rest can fall into place with enough motivation and passion towards what you are wanting to do. :-)

larissalarie
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:58 PM
There's no reason at all you can't go to school and have another baby. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. Full time college courses is only usually 12-18 hours a semester depending, and the scheduling can be fairly flexible especially at first. And this is said by someone who went to college back before all the online stuff was popular, so I imagine it would be infinitely easier now since you could take some courses online.
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Brandy85412
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 5:55 PM

my thoughts were always School is always there. You can also try to do both. You can just start out slow with school and it might take a while but you will  finish. Also sounds to me like a great time spand in-between kids.

One thing I have also learned is although we are done having kids. DH got the Big V. I sometimes don't "feel" done. And other feel the same way. Doesn't mean I should have anymore. Feeling can be deceiving. 

Precious333
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:07 PM
1 mom liked this
My personal opinion is that 1. Pay for each class up front and dont get into debt, whatever option you choose. And 2. Certain things you dont necessary need a degree to pursue.

As far as having babies go, you may not want rule that out competely, it sounds like you may actually not feel done and even if you did feel that way, sometimes babies come as surprises.
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Precious333
by Gold Member on Feb. 8, 2013 at 6:08 PM
Yes! Colleges have online classea and other options as well.


Quoting larissalarie:

There's no reason at all you can't go to school and have another baby. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. Full time college courses is only usually 12-18 hours a semester depending, and the scheduling can be fairly flexible especially at first. And this is said by someone who went to college back before all the online stuff was popular, so I imagine it would be infinitely easier now since you could take some courses online.

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AtiFreeFalls
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:18 AM

What was it like going back after having a baby?  My problem with going back after birth is that I don't have child care.  I would have to pay someone, and child care is EXPENSIVE.  I don't know if we could afford it.  We don't have any family nearby who could watch the baby.  As it is I will probably need childcare for the older kids sometimes (music degrees require a lot of after-hours stuff and recitals, etc)  What did you do about child care? 


Quoting sj3starz:

First of all you wouldn't have to drop out to have a baby. I gave birth right before finals one semester and went back in the spring which was about 2 months later. There are ways to make it work!

That being said, it is really important that you have the drive to go through school with a family. It's not easy. I can't help you make the decision on what you want to do, but make sure that you go and get out as fast as possible. Testing the waters with a degree isn't something that is advised because of time constraints with family, and money! It would cost you a lot in classes that will be dropped off.

All in all you have to find where your true passion lies. No one but you can tell you what YOU want and what YOU enjoy most. Follow your heart in this decision as the rest can fall into place with enough motivation and passion towards what you are wanting to do. :-)


 

AtiFreeFalls
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:23 AM

Music degrees are... intense.  The availability of online stuff is really limited, since you basically have to be practicing with a group for every class.  I might be able to take some of my electives online, but for the most part I will have to be on-campus. 

As I said above, childcare is my big reason not to have a baby during college.  If I have a baby I will be paying for child care, and while my husband makes okay money, the reason I'm not already in school is child care lol.  We just can't afford full time child care unless I'm making money to cover it.  And if I take a job to cover the cost of child care I will be spending even more time away from a tiny baby.  I have always been home with my babies, I just don't know how I would handle that. 


Quoting larissalarie:

There's no reason at all you can't go to school and have another baby. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. Full time college courses is only usually 12-18 hours a semester depending, and the scheduling can be fairly flexible especially at first. And this is said by someone who went to college back before all the online stuff was popular, so I imagine it would be infinitely easier now since you could take some courses online.


 

AtiFreeFalls
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:33 AM

I talked to the director of the music program about going part time.  He said it is not recommended for music students because unlike math or writing, where each class builds on what you learned previously, music is a discipline in which you must immerse yourself in order to succeed.  On top of regular classes there are also practices, recitals, independant and group projects and concerts at which I must play.  For every credit hour I take in a classroom I will probably be spending almost as much time practicing, reciting and working with the ensembles I join.  He said it's possible to do it, but not recommended.  I will see if I can find other music students to talk to.  I have some preliminary, part-time work to do before joining the degree program anyway.

It's true that I don't need a degree to be a musician.  That's a good point.  I was thinking it would be nice to be able to teach music, though, and for that I do need a degree.  I may yet decide to stick with lessons and not take formal classes, make music a hobby until I'm good enough to get some gigs and start making money at it :)

I have decided not to ever rule out having a baby lol.  Until I am no longer physically able to bear children it will always be a possibility for me.  I'm not willing to say that I am for sure absolutely never having another baby.  Too final.  Not interested in surgical sterilization, and my husband is on board.  But if I decide on college, I want to commit to college and not stop halfway through, thereby screwing my family, financially, you know?


Quoting Precious333:

My personal opinion is that 1. Pay for each class up front and dont get into debt, whatever option you choose. And 2. Certain things you dont necessary need a degree to pursue.

As far as having babies go, you may not want rule that out competely, it sounds like you may actually not feel done and even if you did feel that way, sometimes babies come as surprises.


 

larissalarie
by on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:42 AM
Yeah the childcare thing is definitely a problem. When I was in college and a single Mom, I lived in a small town that had a great daycare center that was set up like school and only charged $1.95/hour! I also had to work full-time (being single, nobody else to pay bills), so I worked as a waitress and had everything scheduled down to the minute between work & school to pull it all off and still be home at 5:00 to be with my kiddo.
I'm lucky that was possible for me, I couldn't have lived with being gone all evening and not seeing my child then too.

Maybe you & hubby could schedule things at opposite times? If you are going for a four year degree, your going to have about 2 years worth of elective classes. Those are the ones must easily found online and at working-adult friendly times, aka evening & weekends. There are enough alternative students nowadays, you could potentially get your entire degree doing online, evening, & weekend classes. It's certainly something to look into before you decide you can't do both.

Either way, good luck!


Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

Music degrees are... intense.  The availability of online stuff is really limited, since you basically have to be practicing with a group for every class.  I might be able to take some of my electives online, but for the most part I will have to be on-campus. 

As I said above, childcare is my big reason not to have a baby during college.  If I have a baby I will be paying for child care, and while my husband makes okay money, the reason I'm not already in school is child care lol.  We just can't afford full time child care unless I'm making money to cover it.  And if I take a job to cover the cost of child care I will be spending even more time away from a tiny baby.  I have always been home with my babies, I just don't know how I would handle that. 




Quoting larissalarie:

There's no reason at all you can't go to school and have another baby. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. Full time college courses is only usually 12-18 hours a semester depending, and the scheduling can be fairly flexible especially at first. And this is said by someone who went to college back before all the online stuff was popular, so I imagine it would be infinitely easier now since you could take some courses online.



 

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AtiFreeFalls
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:44 AM

It could totally just be cold feet about committing to something different than what I've been doing.  The idea of saying "let's have another baby" seems less scary to me than the idea of saying "I'm going to college!".  I've been pregnant, nursing or both for the last 5 1/2 years. My whole life has been caring for my children and I'm staring down the prospect of both of them being away from me for much of the day.  Not having something (a baby or an education) to fill that void is terrifying to me... and babies I know lol.  I've been there done that, but I've never stepped foot in a college classroom.  The last time I was in school was January 13th, 2006 when I finished my last day of high school (I graduated at semester).  But being scared about not having babies at home with me isn't necessarily a good reason to have another one.  I love being pregnant, I love caring for babies, I love my children, I'm a great mom... but that doesn't mean it's my duty to have a dozen kids lol.  There are other things I want to accomplish in my life, and I would dearly love to be able to save up enough to pay for my kids' college (one deterrant for me was not being able to pay for it)... adding a third kid would make that harder.

Thanks for your advice :) 


Quoting Brandy85412:

my thoughts were always School is always there. You can also try to do both. You can just start out slow with school and it might take a while but you will  finish. Also sounds to me like a great time spand in-between kids.

One thing I have also learned is although we are done having kids. DH got the Big V. I sometimes don't "feel" done. And other feel the same way. Doesn't mean I should have anymore. Feeling can be deceiving. 


 

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