Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Anyone feel like talking this out with me?

Posted by   + Show Post
I have always been certain about my family plans, but I no longer am and its driving me crazy. I have two kids, a 4 year old girl and a 2 year old boy. Right now my family feels complete, but I have this nagging feeling... maybe I want another one. Not right now... maybe 3 or 4 years from now. Maybe longer. But some day... maybe.

But my daughter is starting school this year, my son two years later and I have wanted to go back to school, take a a midwifery apprenticeship, start attending births as a doula, etc, etc... I have big plans. So far, its not looking like I will have the option of birth work. Plenty of room for birth activism here, but the natural birth community is fractured and disparate and I feel like if that's not an option by the time both kids are in school I'm just as happy to go to college. I would get a BA in music... probably music education.

But the problem is that if I go to college, dropping out to have a baby and not finishing my degree will put a financial strain on my family. I will have to finance my education at least partially with student loans. If I go to college, I have to be committed to finishing and then finding work to pay the loans.

I feel like I have such a short time to decide. I don't want to sit around at home with both my kids inschool. I ddon't think birth work (and its attendant flexibility) is going to be a viable option. And I don't know why I feel so torn and pressured to figure this out when I have 2 1/2 years. The way has always been clear to me, but now that I'm uncertain about having more kids, know that I want to start a career in the next 3 years or so, and have no experience as a working mother, I am confused and unhappy about being confused lol.

Thoughts? Experience?
by on Feb. 8, 2013 at 4:22 PM
Replies (11-15):
sj3starz
by Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:48 AM
It was hard to concentrate going back but I did it! Finding time for home work was the hardest I think. As for childcare, dh would either watch her after work or my mom would watch her. I'd pay my mom a weekly amount that didn't even come close to daycare cost. There are resources to finding a baby sitter or nanny though. Some people on cm have recommended it to me, I forget the resource though. Google maybe can help?

Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

What was it like going back after having a baby?  My problem with going back after birth is that I don't have child care.  I would have to pay someone, and child care is EXPENSIVE.  I don't know if we could afford it.  We don't have any family nearby who could watch the baby.  As it is I will probably need childcare for the older kids sometimes (music degrees require a lot of after-hours stuff and recitals, etc)  What did you do about child care? 




Quoting sj3starz:


First of all you wouldn't have to drop out to have a baby. I gave birth right before finals one semester and went back in the spring which was about 2 months later. There are ways to make it work!


That being said, it is really important that you have the drive to go through school with a family. It's not easy. I can't help you make the decision on what you want to do, but make sure that you go and get out as fast as possible. Testing the waters with a degree isn't something that is advised because of time constraints with family, and money! It would cost you a lot in classes that will be dropped off.


All in all you have to find where your true passion lies. No one but you can tell you what YOU want and what YOU enjoy most. Follow your heart in this decision as the rest can fall into place with enough motivation and passion towards what you are wanting to do. :-)




 

Posted on CafeMom Mobile
AtiFreeFalls
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:52 AM

My husband manages a large retail store.  His hours are dictated by what the store needs, family concerns come second.  He can rearrage his schedule a little bit, but he works both opening and closing shifts every week, sometimes he works overnight, he works 6 days a week, plus during the holidays he works 7 days a week (mostly, sometimes he gets a day off here and there) and 60 hours.  The only time I will reliably have to attend classes without paying childcare is while the kids are in school.  If my hubby is home with the kids and he gets a call and has to go in to work because someone called out, someone can't find the keys, some drunk crashes into the store with their car (that has happened to us!)... he has to go.  It's frustrating that I don't have the support a lot of people do with family willing to watch kids for free or a husband with a reliable schedule, but that's life.


Quoting larissalarie:

Yeah the childcare thing is definitely a problem. When I was in college and a single Mom, I lived in a small town that had a great daycare center that was set up like school and only charged $1.95/hour! I also had to work full-time (being single, nobody else to pay bills), so I worked as a waitress and had everything scheduled down to the minute between work & school to pull it all off and still be home at 5:00 to be with my kiddo.
I'm lucky that was possible for me, I couldn't have lived with being gone all evening and not seeing my child then too.

Maybe you & hubby could schedule things at opposite times? If you are going for a four year degree, your going to have about 2 years worth of elective classes. Those are the ones must easily found online and at working-adult friendly times, aka evening & weekends. There are enough alternative students nowadays, you could potentially get your entire degree doing online, evening, & weekend classes. It's certainly something to look into before you decide you can't do both.

Either way, good luck!


Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

Music degrees are... intense.  The availability of online stuff is really limited, since you basically have to be practicing with a group for every class.  I might be able to take some of my electives online, but for the most part I will have to be on-campus. 

As I said above, childcare is my big reason not to have a baby during college.  If I have a baby I will be paying for child care, and while my husband makes okay money, the reason I'm not already in school is child care lol.  We just can't afford full time child care unless I'm making money to cover it.  And if I take a job to cover the cost of child care I will be spending even more time away from a tiny baby.  I have always been home with my babies, I just don't know how I would handle that. 


 


Quoting larissalarie:

There's no reason at all you can't go to school and have another baby. Those things aren't mutually exclusive. Full time college courses is only usually 12-18 hours a semester depending, and the scheduling can be fairly flexible especially at first. And this is said by someone who went to college back before all the online stuff was popular, so I imagine it would be infinitely easier now since you could take some courses online.

 


 


 

AtiFreeFalls
by Bronze Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:54 AM

*Finding* child care isn't the problem for me, it's *paying* for it lol.  I might be able to come up with something... I'll put out some feelers in the local online community. 


Quoting sj3starz:

It was hard to concentrate going back but I did it! Finding time for home work was the hardest I think. As for childcare, dh would either watch her after work or my mom would watch her. I'd pay my mom a weekly amount that didn't even come close to daycare cost. There are resources to finding a baby sitter or nanny though. Some people on cm have recommended it to me, I forget the resource though. Google maybe can help?

Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

What was it like going back after having a baby?  My problem with going back after birth is that I don't have child care.  I would have to pay someone, and child care is EXPENSIVE.  I don't know if we could afford it.  We don't have any family nearby who could watch the baby.  As it is I will probably need childcare for the older kids sometimes (music degrees require a lot of after-hours stuff and recitals, etc)  What did you do about child care? 


 


Quoting sj3starz:


First of all you wouldn't have to drop out to have a baby. I gave birth right before finals one semester and went back in the spring which was about 2 months later. There are ways to make it work!


That being said, it is really important that you have the drive to go through school with a family. It's not easy. I can't help you make the decision on what you want to do, but make sure that you go and get out as fast as possible. Testing the waters with a degree isn't something that is advised because of time constraints with family, and money! It would cost you a lot in classes that will be dropped off.


All in all you have to find where your true passion lies. No one but you can tell you what YOU want and what YOU enjoy most. Follow your heart in this decision as the rest can fall into place with enough motivation and passion towards what you are wanting to do. :-)


 


 


 

JoJoBean8
by Group Mod on Feb. 11, 2013 at 9:59 AM

We are taking a baby break while dh finishes up schooling. We were only going to have 3 but since there will be such a huge gap we will be trying for 4. If you had a baby at the end of spring semester then it wouldn't really interfer with schooing. 

Precious333
by Gold Member on Feb. 11, 2013 at 5:32 PM

 I guess it depends on where you go music wise, if you need a degree or not. I graduated with a BA in liberal studies, music emphasis. I know other musicians who have never had a degree but make their living off of their music (performance or otherwise). I Was also teaching paino lessons before I graduated college as well. A degree is great (especially the experience you will recieve), but education can also happen outside of the classroom, outside of college.


Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

I talked to the director of the music program about going part time.  He said it is not recommended for music students because unlike math or writing, where each class builds on what you learned previously, music is a discipline in which you must immerse yourself in order to succeed.  On top of regular classes there are also practices, recitals, independant and group projects and concerts at which I must play.  For every credit hour I take in a classroom I will probably be spending almost as much time practicing, reciting and working with the ensembles I join.  He said it's possible to do it, but not recommended.  I will see if I can find other music students to talk to.  I have some preliminary, part-time work to do before joining the degree program anyway.

It's true that I don't need a degree to be a musician.  That's a good point.  I was thinking it would be nice to be able to teach music, though, and for that I do need a degree.  I may yet decide to stick with lessons and not take formal classes, make music a hobby until I'm good enough to get some gigs and start making money at it :)

I have decided not to ever rule out having a baby lol.  Until I am no longer physically able to bear children it will always be a possibility for me.  I'm not willing to say that I am for sure absolutely never having another baby.  Too final.  Not interested in surgical sterilization, and my husband is on board.  But if I decide on college, I want to commit to college and not stop halfway through, thereby screwing my family, financially, you know?

 

Quoting Precious333:

My personal opinion is that 1. Pay for each class up front and dont get into debt, whatever option you choose. And 2. Certain things you dont necessary need a degree to pursue.

As far as having babies go, you may not want rule that out competely, it sounds like you may actually not feel done and even if you did feel that way, sometimes babies come as surprises.

 

 


 

juliakf333. Get yours at bighugelabs.com
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN