Anyone feel like talking this out with me?
But my daughter is starting school this year, my son two years later and I have wanted to go back to school, take a a midwifery apprenticeship, start attending births as a doula, etc, etc... I have big plans. So far, its not looking like I will have the option of birth work. Plenty of room for birth activism here, but the natural birth community is fractured and disparate and I feel like if that's not an option by the time both kids are in school I'm just as happy to go to college. I would get a BA in music... probably music education.
But the problem is that if I go to college, dropping out to have a baby and not finishing my degree will put a financial strain on my family. I will have to finance my education at least partially with student loans. If I go to college, I have to be committed to finishing and then finding work to pay the loans.
I feel like I have such a short time to decide. I don't want to sit around at home with both my kids inschool. I ddon't think birth work (and its attendant flexibility) is going to be a viable option. And I don't know why I feel so torn and pressured to figure this out when I have 2 1/2 years. The way has always been clear to me, but now that I'm uncertain about having more kids, know that I want to start a career in the next 3 years or so, and have no experience as a working mother, I am confused and unhappy about being confused lol.