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HELP! I don't think I got to bond with my newborn the right way.

Posted by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:44 PM
  • 14 Replies

My Son( My first child) was born Febuary 4th . He is just over a month old.

He was born via C-section after me being in labor for 17 hours and only dialating 5 CM.

I didn't get to see him until he was over an hour old because I was kept in recovery and what not. My mother in law , husband ect got to see him before I did. I didn't get to hold him right away after he was born either. 

I wasn't awake for my c- section either, I was put completely to sleep. 

I feel like because of all of this that I didn't get to bond with him like I should have. 

Maybe there are some other underlying issues to this also , like the fact that I hid my pregnancy for almost 8 months. 

I feel like I have no connection with my newborn. This bothers me extremely bad because I want to love my child, but I feel like I ignore him. I hate this feeling. 

Can anyone give me some advice?

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:44 PM
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:50 PM

I would consult someone with experience with post partum depression.  It may not be that, but just to be aware.  It's normal to have "baby blues" and be hormonal, but with your back story it may help to talk with someone.

by Bronze Member on Mar. 9, 2013 at 12:51 PM

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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:41 PM
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I was unable to be with my baby for hours after my c-section, also.  But I've learned to believe that "bonding" isn't some mystical, magical moment that occurs during the first minutes, hours, days of a mama and baby's life.  I prefer to think of it as a life-long work-in-progress...  :)



by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:48 PM
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This sounds like an onset of post partum depression and I would definitely mention it to your doctor. The best thing you can do for you and baby is to stay on top of it if it is that.

But you can still have a ton of bonding time with baby. My dd was kept from me for three hours for stupid reasons and I wasn't allowed to hold her. Afterwards, I just never ever put her down and we did massive amounts of skin to skin time. The more contact you ha e with your baby the more oxytocin your body will release, strengthening your bond. I would lay on the couch with her for hours, just holding her. Baby wearing is great because it helps facilitate mommy/baby closeness without leaving you unable to do other things.
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by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 1:54 PM

Are you doing skin to skin at home with your baby? And like Taeray said, a nice newborn wrap like a moby to carry your baby in can help! Don't just put that baby in a stroller or leave it in the carseat when you are out and about or even at home. Keep the little one next to you in your baby wrap :)

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 2:02 PM
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You can't go back and change the past, try to focus on the positive and move forward. In my observations, people who claim to have issues bonding have the common element of focusing in all the negatives. There are many women with the same/similar less than ideal birth scenarios/early hours of baby's life who don't have any issues bonding, but they seem less caught up in the negative aspects and aren't thinking that bonding is some magical moment they could have missed.

Just keep caring for your baby and the "bonded" feeling will come soon enough :-)
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by Tabi - Admin on Mar. 9, 2013 at 5:58 PM
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Bonding happens in steps and stages, not everyone gets that magic moment where they feel bonded. Don't worry this is not your fault, it just happens. DO get checked for PPD, its important to make sure you are treated if you have depression issues. The fact that you are asking about this shows you love your child. Things that help with bonding, breastfeeding or skin to skin bottlefeeding. Bathing with your child. Babywearing. Everytime YOU care for your child whether its feeding, changing, rocking etc is bonding time. You WILL get there!
by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:13 PM

Have you tried babywearing? Maybe all the touching will help you feel more bonded. 

by on Mar. 9, 2013 at 8:29 PM
Talk to someone about pp depression.
by Gold Member on Mar. 10, 2013 at 11:26 AM
Hugs mama.

I would look into ppd, keep a journal of your birth experience, or whatever helps you process the event, do a lot of skin to skin with baby as well.

I had a traunatic birth experience wirh my first, and had sort of an oppposite reaction i guess you would say, and at first i didnt even realize it was because of my experience. I wasnt able to hold my son for 16 hrs, they took me to yhe OR, took baby to nicu. When i finally did hold him i didnt want to put him down, i had a difficult time letting anyone else hold him and had reallt bad anxiety. I really helped me to write down the events, and talk yo people about it, in which i becane educated and why things happened the way they did. Also, it really helped to have baby close to me, and eventually the seperationanxiety started to go away.
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