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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

RAD - reactive attachment disorder

Posted by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:37 AM
  • 20 Replies

My DS is 8yrs old and has a traumatic history. I believe he has RAD and am trying to get him into therapy for a correct diagnosis.

Has anyone else adopted a child who has an attachment disorder? How were you able to effectively parent the child in the way that feels natural to you? What books did you read or parenting methods did you try?

I am loosing my mind parenting this little boy. He is a good kid, but he lies, steals, has negative responses to rewards and punishments, is manipulative, defiant etc etc.

Help!

by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 2:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Kaliary
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 9:47 AM
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Just love him and treat him like a kid... My kid lies, steals, and is manipulative and defiant... I think it's mostly just because we are working on teaching him these behaviors are not acceptable. Just work with him, be gentile and explain why they are not ok. He'll get it eventually, just be consistent and caring, that's what he needs. :) 

My cousin had RAD, and she was adopted at 11... Sometimes my aunt and uncle (I lived with them) didn't think they would ever get through to her, but now she lives with her boyfriend, pays her own bills, works, holds down said job, and is a productive member of society. :) Just do your best and try to be patient for him. :) 

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larissalarie
by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:36 AM
I've got no experience, bump & good luck!!
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Precious333
by Gold Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:52 AM
Hugs to you, and many prayers. I have never had dealt with thos either.
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JoJoBean8
by Group Mod on Mar. 24, 2013 at 11:57 AM

Here's a bump and good luck!

outstandingLove
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 12:54 PM


Quoting Kaliary:

Just love him and treat him like a kid... My kid lies, steals, and is manipulative and defiant... I think it's mostly just because we are working on teaching him these behaviors are not acceptable. Just work with him, be gentile and explain why they are not ok. He'll get it eventually, just be consistent and caring, that's what he needs. :) 

My cousin had RAD, and she was adopted at 11... Sometimes my aunt and uncle (I lived with them) didn't think they would ever get through to her, but now she lives with her boyfriend, pays her own bills, works, holds down said job, and is a productive member of society. :) Just do your best and try to be patient for him. :) 

I've had him since he was 4yrs old.

He is cruel to animals, has a violent temper, argues with nearly every word an authority adult says and frequently does the exact opposite of what he is told. 

The only improvement i have seen in 4 years is he no longer physically attacks me. He knows why these behaviors are not okay. But he's not doing them to test boundaries. he's doing them because he believes it is necessary for his survival based on his traumatic begining.

LiquidLuck
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:16 PM
2 moms liked this

I have a 7 year old with ODD who behaves very similarly to what you're describing. My only advice is parent child interaction therapy. It's hard and exhausting and completely overwhelming on a near daily basis but try your hardest to love him unconditionally no matter what and take it one day at a time.

conejoazul
by Bronze Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 1:22 PM

I have no direct experience with RAD, but it is a challenging disorder to treat from what I have read.  I hope you can connect with a qualified therapist who can identify it or rule it out so your family can move forward. Since you seem to know about traumatic experiences he has previously had, you are probably right to seek help to consider if his values system has become so distorted that he will need professional help to mature in a healthy way in the environment you are offering.  Luckily, we now know our brains are "plastic" well into adulthood (once it was thought they were not), so continued intervention for someone who needs it is becoming more and more available.  Best of luck to him and you.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on Mar. 24, 2013 at 6:58 PM
1 mom liked this

Children with special needs often means parenting a way that is NOT natural to you or most "normal" children.  I have had to parent totally different my child with SPD.  It comes naturally for me to hug, cuddle and love on my children...he HATED that til just recentlly..8 years of high fives and no real hugs.  It was hard, but now that hes much better he loves how I parent.  It takes time and following your childs needs

Kaliary
by on Mar. 24, 2013 at 8:59 PM


Quoting outstandingLove:


Quoting Kaliary:

Just love him and treat him like a kid... My kid lies, steals, and is manipulative and defiant... I think it's mostly just because we are working on teaching him these behaviors are not acceptable. Just work with him, be gentile and explain why they are not ok. He'll get it eventually, just be consistent and caring, that's what he needs. :) 

My cousin had RAD, and she was adopted at 11... Sometimes my aunt and uncle (I lived with them) didn't think they would ever get through to her, but now she lives with her boyfriend, pays her own bills, works, holds down said job, and is a productive member of society. :) Just do your best and try to be patient for him. :) 

I've had him since he was 4yrs old.

He is cruel to animals, has a violent temper, argues with nearly every word an authority adult says and frequently does the exact opposite of what he is told. 

The only improvement i have seen in 4 years is he no longer physically attacks me. He knows why these behaviors are not okay. But he's not doing them to test boundaries. he's doing them because he believes it is necessary for his survival based on his traumatic begining.

I'm just saying to be careful what you throw under the RAD title, because some of it is normal kid stuff... 

I'm glad you've seen some improvement. Just be consistant with him and he'll one day realize that he dosen't need to be mean like that, but it takes years and years of patience. Keep doing good. :) 

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hapababies
by Silver Member on Mar. 24, 2013 at 10:10 PM
1 mom liked this
I worked with foster children in group homes with RAD. It was tough and heartbreaking. It was because of RAD that 99% of them were deemed "unacceptable" for foster care.
It was so tough because we had a high turn over of staff which just made the the RAD behaviors even worse.
I'm so glad to hear a positive story of someone holding on tight, even through the tough times. I know it isn't easy. I hope you can find a therapist that is experienced with RAD and children with traumatic pasts. Your LO is probably not going to respond to consequences and rewards like a child who didn't have a traumatic past. The tough part is finding that key that will work.
Hold on tight mama, it's a rough road you're on. I hope very, very much that you find the key and things get better.
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