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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Was I too harsh? Considering going to get my daughter...

Posted by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:24 PM
  • 22 Replies

 ...out of bed. 

I just tried to feed her dinner.  She didn't want to eat.  That's fine, I don't force the issue here.  I did offer her a sweet potato and she decided she would eat that.  I made it, was letting it cool off and hear my son start crying.  I asked him what happened and he said his sister (my 4 year old) bit him.  He wasn't doing anything to her, he was sitting on the couch.  They hadn't even said anything to each other.  I think she may have wanted the remote, which he was playing with, and she was angry about having to let her potato cool off.

I marched her back to her room and said she was going straight to bed for biting her brother.  She's tired... it's only 10 minutes before bedtime... but I still feel badly because she didn't get to eat her potato. I did offer her a healthy dinner and she didn't want to eat it.  But I still feel badly and feel like I'm sending a child to bed without dinner.

Was I too harsh?  What would you have done? 

by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:24 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Precious333
by Gold Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:28 PM
Its fine to put her to bed early, especially if she is acting up and doing thinfs like biting. However did you address the issue, like how its never ok to bite, biting hurts people and when you are frustrated you need to find another way to deal with it, and then give positive tips on what to do when she feels like doing something hurtful.
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AtiFreeFalls
by Bronze Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:31 PM

I firmly explained how biting was not okay, that he hadn't done anything to her and she was going to bed for biting.  I am usually much more level-headed and think about that stuff but didn't this time :( 

Quoting Precious333:

Its fine to put her to bed early, especially if she is acting up and doing thinfs like biting. However did you address the issue, like how its never ok to bite, biting hurts people and when you are frustrated you need to find another way to deal with it, and then give positive tips on what to do when she feels like doing something hurtful.

 

TTC2Long
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:31 PM
8 moms liked this
It was her choice to not eat dinner. I wouldn't have made the potato, personally. It was also her choice to bite her brother. Actions beget consequences. You would be doing her no favors by letting her get away with it. She needs to know you mean business. It sucks, but hopefully she'll learn.
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hapababies
by Silver Member on Mar. 29, 2013 at 9:34 PM
6 moms liked this
I'm not sure, but is she 4 or your son is 4?
Honestly, please don't be offended by this, I would not had made her the sweet potato. After age 2, I stopped doing that with my son. I didn't want him to think that I was a short order cook starting at a young age. I understand if the food is new or unusual to him that he may not eat it. That is why I'll try to pair it with something that he does like. But I don't take requests to make new food if the food prepared isn't eaten.
There have been times where he hasn't eaten dinner and it makes me feel hugely guilty that he goes to bed hungry. Funny thing about him, though, during those times he never cried that he was hungry or even seemed phased by it. I did notice that he would eat a bigger breakfast the next morning though.
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larissalarie
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 10:37 PM
5 moms liked this
Agreed. While I'm not sure I personally would want to associate bedtime with a punishment,it also wasn't wrong or harsh. If she was really hungry she woulda eaten dinner. While I don't force my kids to eat, I also don't make them anything special if they don't eat what's served. I've seen where that road leads and it's nowhere good!

Quoting TTC2Long:

It was her choice to not eat dinner. I wouldn't have made the potato, personally. It was also her choice to bite her brother. Actions beget consequences. You would be doing her no favors by letting her get away with it. She needs to know you mean business. It sucks, but hopefully she'll learn.
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catholicmamamia
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:40 PM
5 moms liked this

This.. bedtime would have been a consequence, not punishment. It is not 'go to bed, you are in big trouble' but 'obviously you are not hungry but very tired, so it is time for you to rest.' 

Quoting TTC2Long: It was her choice to not eat dinner. I wouldn't have made the potato, personally. It was also her choice to bite her brother. Actions beget consequences. You would be doing her no favors by letting her get away with it. She needs to know you mean business. It sucks, but hopefully she'll learn.

 


                
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OakesMama
by on Mar. 29, 2013 at 11:46 PM


I totally agree, the parenting class at the elementary school here in town actually says the same thing. You can feed her a good breakfast, that is what I have done to make myself feel better on those terrible nights. It really is harder on you than it is her.. Good luck Mama

Quoting TTC2Long:

It was her choice to not eat dinner. I wouldn't have made the potato, personally. It was also her choice to bite her brother. Actions beget consequences. You would be doing her no favors by letting her get away with it. She needs to know you mean business. It sucks, but hopefully she'll learn.



Precious333
by Gold Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 1:46 AM
I think she probably needed sleep, mama and its a good idea to follow through.


Quoting AtiFreeFalls:

I firmly explained how biting was not okay, that he hadn't done anything to her and she was going to bed for biting.  I am usually much more level-headed and think about that stuff but didn't this time :( 


Quoting Precious333:

Its fine to put her to bed early, especially if she is acting up and doing thinfs like biting. However did you address the issue, like how its never ok to bite, biting hurts people and when you are frustrated you need to find another way to deal with it, and then give positive tips on what to do when she feels like doing something hurtful.

 


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joyful_mama
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:27 AM
This

Quoting TTC2Long:

It was her choice to not eat dinner. I wouldn't have made the potato, personally. It was also her choice to bite her brother. Actions beget consequences. You would be doing her no favors by letting her get away with it. She needs to know you mean business. It sucks, but hopefully she'll learn.
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joyful_mama
by Bronze Member on Mar. 30, 2013 at 7:32 AM
We have a firm rule about eating what is provided. If the kids don't eat at mealtimes they don't eat. We provide healthy, good tasting food it's the kids' choice to eat it or not. I've seem mamas fix four different meals every night at dinner because of picky eaters, not happening here.

She needed sleep so bedtime was the right thing.


Quoting larissalarie:

Agreed. While I'm not sure I personally would want to associate bedtime with a punishment,it also wasn't wrong or harsh. If she was really hungry she woulda eaten dinner. While I don't force my kids to eat, I also don't make them anything special if they don't eat what's served. I've seen where that road leads and it's nowhere good!



Quoting TTC2Long:

It was her choice to not eat dinner. I wouldn't have made the potato, personally. It was also her choice to bite her brother. Actions beget consequences. You would be doing her no favors by letting her get away with it. She needs to know you mean business. It sucks, but hopefully she'll learn.
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