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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Discipline for a 13 month old

Posted by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 11:36 AM
  • 16 Replies

So I am now the proud momma of a toddler. And I have NO clue what I'm doing, haha! The "terrible twos" have come early and I've been caught off guard. I guess I thought I had more time to figure out my discipline style... I'm having a hard time with how to handle certain situations. I know to redirect when she starts having a "tantrum". That's easy enough when we're playing or whatever. And if she continues the unwanted behavior, I usually actively ignore her and she'll eventually move on to something else when she realizes it's not getting her anything.

But I don't know what to do about her behavior when we're eating. She throws her food/cup/utensils on the floor and I know that's completely normal behavior, but I don't know how to respond to that. If I pick up her cup, it turns into a game. If I ignore the behavior, she screams and also doesn't have water anymore. I've tried saying, "no" in a stern voice or, "do not drop your cup" and then when she does it again, I take it away. But I really don't like taking her water away....

Another thing is her impatience (again, I know this is normal, but don't know how to handle it). If I'm taking too long to cut up her food, she'll start screaming and kicking. I try to have her food ready ahead of time, but sometimes that's not practical and I have to do it while she waits. I usually ignore the screaming, but she doesn't stop so I feel like I'm teaching her that it's okay to scream because it eventually gets her what she wants.

Sooo....any suggestions??

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 11:36 AM
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Replies (1-10):
amazzonia
by Bronze Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 11:50 AM

waint untill she's 3 lol you'll look back and think that those terrible twos were actually sweet a cute 2 lol

for when she throws things on the floor just tell her not to do it, I know its normal but they have to learn that they can't do what ever they want, you might be ok with cleaning up after, but it wold be very unpleasant if you go to a friends house and have your dd throw everything on the floor . for the food serve it already cut, if she starts screaming stop cutting it, once she realizes she can't eat it uncut she'll probably stop

larissalarie
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 11:51 AM
1 mom liked this
When my kids go through the throwing cups, etc stage, I'll tell then no and hand it back once and after that they can live without their drink. Sure they get mad, and probably thirsty, but how else are they going to learn cause and effect? (which btw is the whole reason they do that, developmentally speaking)
As far as being impatient for food, there's not much you can do other than continue calmly getting it ready and then give her her food. I don't think that's rewarding a tantrum if you carry on as you otherwise would. The only other option would be to deny her food until she calms down, but I think barely 1 is a little young for that.
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nicki.hemingway
by Bronze Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 12:02 PM

Divert, Distract, Redirect, and Conquour.  I still do this with my almost 3 year old and it works.  Look into Happiest Toddler on the Block, that works well too.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on Mar. 31, 2013 at 12:07 PM


YEP YEP YEP

Quoting larissalarie:

When my kids go through the throwing cups, etc stage, I'll tell then no and hand it back once and after that they can live without their drink. Sure they get mad, and probably thirsty, but how else are they going to learn cause and effect? (which btw is the whole reason they do that, developmentally speaking)
As far as being impatient for food, there's not much you can do other than continue calmly getting it ready and then give her her food. I don't think that's rewarding a tantrum if you carry on as you otherwise would. The only other option would be to deny her food until she calms down, but I think barely 1 is a little young for that.



OakesMama
by on Mar. 31, 2013 at 12:09 PM

:) So you really do have it all down, I give my babies one chance only otherwise they learn they can push until we hit the "limit" I don't want button pushers, makes for stressful parenting. You sound like me with my first :) When she throws an item on the floor say your stern no and give it back once, the second time remove the item immediatly with a smile and an enthusiastic ALL DONE and take it to the kitchen/whereever. now depending on wether your trying to teach her to sit at the table for a while after meals is where it may differ. I usually just grab a wash cloth after they've emptied their table washed mine up and set them on the floor but I know other mama's who want them to sit until they are excused so they will leave them in there for another minute or so ( depending on fits) once they are quiet even for a momont jump up and say your excussed and then get them out of there. The before dinner thing is difficult cause they are so small, I don't know if you do any type of small pieced snack that you can set her down while your doing dinner and give her one, (some just give an amount) then every minute or so give another one and praise her, for being such a good/quiet/patient girl, she will learn to LOVE this time. the whole part of you don't like taking her water away, our actions hurt our feelings more then theirs, I know it sucks but do try to make yourself do it. you can give her water back or offer drinks here and there just not let her keep it (depending on how close she is to being done). As long as your consistant it will work, how long it takes will depend on her learning curve and stubborness. I know my youngest now is like my oldest was, smart but VERY stubborn! Another thing I have used for my benefit is plugging earbuds into something I can carry that  plays music and keeping on music I enjoy while I know they will be screaming that way I cannot hear the screaming directly making it easier for me to stay in a good mood and keep smiling and talking sweetly. Now my kids have learned this very well and will leave me alone and let me get things done because they know there is no point. as they would be screaming at me I'd just smile and keep going occassionally stopping and putting an earbud up to them so they can hear and stick them back in my ears.  yesterday my two year old really needed a nap and it was too busy to put him down, he was whinning and following me so I smiled at him and just showed him I was sticking earbuds in, he stopped immediatly and went and played. You sound like you have it all figured out, you just need to set your feelings aside gain confidence and be consistant. Good Luck :)

mjrex87
by Mindy on Mar. 31, 2013 at 4:42 PM

Thanks, I will check that out.


Quoting nicki.hemingway:

Divert, Distract, Redirect, and Conquour.  I still do this with my almost 3 year old and it works.  Look into Happiest Toddler on the Block, that works well too.



mjrex87
by Mindy on Mar. 31, 2013 at 4:43 PM
1 mom liked this

Thank you, I appreciate the suggestions!


Quoting OakesMama:

:) So you really do have it all down, I give my babies one chance only otherwise they learn they can push until we hit the "limit" I don't want button pushers, makes for stressful parenting. You sound like me with my first :) When she throws an item on the floor say your stern no and give it back once, the second time remove the item immediatly with a smile and an enthusiastic ALL DONE and take it to the kitchen/whereever. now depending on wether your trying to teach her to sit at the table for a while after meals is where it may differ. I usually just grab a wash cloth after they've emptied their table washed mine up and set them on the floor but I know other mama's who want them to sit until they are excused so they will leave them in there for another minute or so ( depending on fits) once they are quiet even for a momont jump up and say your excussed and then get them out of there. The before dinner thing is difficult cause they are so small, I don't know if you do any type of small pieced snack that you can set her down while your doing dinner and give her one, (some just give an amount) then every minute or so give another one and praise her, for being such a good/quiet/patient girl, she will learn to LOVE this time. the whole part of you don't like taking her water away, our actions hurt our feelings more then theirs, I know it sucks but do try to make yourself do it. you can give her water back or offer drinks here and there just not let her keep it (depending on how close she is to being done). As long as your consistant it will work, how long it takes will depend on her learning curve and stubborness. I know my youngest now is like my oldest was, smart but VERY stubborn! Another thing I have used for my benefit is plugging earbuds into something I can carry that  plays music and keeping on music I enjoy while I know they will be screaming that way I cannot hear the screaming directly making it easier for me to stay in a good mood and keep smiling and talking sweetly. Now my kids have learned this very well and will leave me alone and let me get things done because they know there is no point. as they would be screaming at me I'd just smile and keep going occassionally stopping and putting an earbud up to them so they can hear and stick them back in my ears.  yesterday my two year old really needed a nap and it was too busy to put him down, he was whinning and following me so I smiled at him and just showed him I was sticking earbuds in, he stopped immediatly and went and played. You sound like you have it all figured out, you just need to set your feelings aside gain confidence and be consistant. Good Luck :)



SrkStrickland
by Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 7:31 PM

My son is 18 months and is also VERY impatient when he is ready to eat. I either continue on preparing his food calmly as long as he doesn't get too worked up, or I try my best to distract him with something else. Either with a toy or some of his food that is already cut up or ready. :)

graycalico
by Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 10:46 PM

You can't really discipline a 13 month old.  They wouldn't understand it.  Diversion works best.  I try to make sure my ds is distracted and unaware that I'm cooking until I'm ready to plate his food. I can usually distract him with songs or toys when he's throwing or doing something else I'm not a fan of.  This age is almost harder than terrible twos because full communication isn't there. 

hapababies
by Silver Member on Mar. 31, 2013 at 11:38 PM
2 moms liked this
"When my kids go through the throwing cups, etc stage, I'll tell then no and hand it back once and after that they can live without their drink. Sure they get mad, and probably thirsty, but how else are they going to learn cause and effect?"

Exactly this ^^^^. I started off by giving it back to them twice, but saying "on tray" or something to that effect. After a week of getting it back twice, it then became once of getting the cup back. There has to be natural consequences for behaviors and eventually they learn to stop throwing the cup. Besides, toddlers find it funny as heck to make their parents crazy. The more they throw, the more attention they get, the more they are entertained.


Quoting larissalarie:

When my kids go through the throwing cups, etc stage, I'll tell then no and hand it back once and after that they can live without their drink. Sure they get mad, and probably thirsty, but how else are they going to learn cause and effect? (which btw is the whole reason they do that, developmentally speaking)
As far as being impatient for food, there's not much you can do other than continue calmly getting it ready and then give her her food. I don't think that's rewarding a tantrum if you carry on as you otherwise would. The only other option would be to deny her food until she calms down, but I think barely 1 is a little young for that.

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