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38 weeks and super pissed - any advice??

Posted by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:48 PM
  • 45 Replies
1 mom liked this

So I really had my heart set on a homebirth for this baby, however the expense of a midwife and required OB backup eliminated that possibility. 

I have been seeing an OB who has been supportive of my natural birth plan and wish for overall less intervention.  However, the little things have been adding up and I feel like I'm at melting point today.

First, I declined the early u/s as I was clear on my LMP - so her nurse calls and tries to talk me into it and I have to be really firm with her about it.  Talked to the dr and she wasn't even phased, just found it unusual as most women demand several u/s starting asap.

Next I try to refuse the HIV screening.  I had a needlestick at work a couple years ago and was tested so I didn't feel like I needed it.  Her nurse bullies me into it and assures me it's included in the lab costs I've already paid.  Ok, sure, why not then?  Well, it turns out it was an extra charge and I should have stood my ground.

Next comes the GD test.  I see no reason for it, but my dr is worried that because I had such a big baby before (10lb2oz, no GD) I may have another.  And if there's a problem during birth (had a vaginal delivery with my first without dystocia) then she'll look bad for not testing me.  I tell her no to the glucola and she says ok, there's an alternative with jelly beans she'll have her nurse call me and let me know.  The nurse calls and tries to give me instructions but she doesn't even know so I ask how many grams of sugar is in the glucola .... drink 50gm sugar pear juice and have my blood drawn an hour later.  It was really inconvenient because I pretty much wasted the whole day having to do that and then go back for my appt.  Then I find out last week that she ran a hemoglobin A1C anyways (because my insurance didn't cover it and I got a bill).  Well, had I known that I wouldn't have done the sugar thing and wasted my morning.

Next the nurse tries to tell me we're starting cervical checks at 36 weeks.  I decline, the nurse gives me guff but the dr is fine.  The nurse also tried to have me sign a consent for c-section!  I refused, then she wanted me to sign an informational sheet on macrosomia and said that the treatment for babies over 8 pounds is c-section.   Had my strep B swab, though.  My doc is out of town this week so I didn't have an appt, but wanted to know the results.  Had to call the nurse and she tells me I'm positive.  I asked when we'd do a recheck and she said, "we don't do that, we just give antibiotics during labor."  Dr isn't back in town until Saturday, so I couldn't request to talk to her. 

But after reading up on GBS I really don't want to do the IV antibiotics.  I want a recheck at my next appt to be certain before I even think about consenting to any treatment.  I'm extremely concerned about having an IV at the hospital, going in when my water breaks if I'm not in active labor, the cascade of interventions.  After reading up it just doesn't seem like IV antibiotics are the best choice. But then the pedi is going to hassle us after baby is born, I'm sure.

Overall I just feel like I'm being treated like cattle and not like an individual.  I don't feel like the dr and her staff are listening to me.  If my dr can't keep her own nurses from being pushy, how is she going to advocate for me in the hospital?  I'm super upset and really just don't want to have to fight for all of these things, just want my wishes respected.

by on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:48 PM
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Replies (1-10):
JadeTigr7
by Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:56 PM
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I've never had a doctor that advocated for me at all.

I was left up to the mercy of the hospital nurses, not even my OB's nurse.

This is what is wrong with this country's maternity care though.  We shouldn't *have* to fight to have our wishes followed and respected. 

norwgnwood
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 10:57 PM
Not that I'd wish an extremely fast labor on anyone but... I was GB+ but I literally delivered my daughter minutes after arriving to the hospital. There was no time for the stupid antibiotic IV. :-) I also could not afford a home birth. How fucking stupid is that? Its more expensive to deliver @ home then in a hospital. I was required to stay an extra day because we didn't get the antibiotics.
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Magnolia7
by Bronze Member on Apr. 18, 2013 at 11:15 PM

I'm concerned that the pedi is going to want to give IV abx to my son after birth if I don't get them.  But he only has a 0.5% chance of becoming infected and there are so many side effects that he has a greater chance of deaing with those.  I'd really rather sign him out AMA instead of keeping him under observation - I'm a nurse, I can observe my chid just fine.

I really think the expense thing is part of the plan.  OB backup requirements were instituted by OBs who make the rules.  They also keep insurance companies from recognizing and paying for midwives. It's such a mess.

My sister was GBS positive, she went in when her waters broke.  Then they decided she needed to be in labor so she got pitocin.  Baby didn't respond well and she ended up with a c/s.  I'd really like to avoid that whole cascade and just let my little man come when he's ready.

GoodyBrook
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 12:55 AM
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Quoting Magnolia7:

I'm concerned that the pedi is going to want to give IV abx to my son after birth if I don't get them.  But he only has a 0.5% chance of becoming infected and there are so many side effects that he has a greater chance of deaing with those.  I'd really rather sign him out AMA instead of keeping him under observation - I'm a nurse, I can observe my chid just fine.

I really think the expense thing is part of the plan.  OB backup requirements were instituted by OBs who make the rules.  They also keep insurance companies from recognizing and paying for midwives. It's such a mess.

My sister was GBS positive, she went in when her waters broke.  Then they decided she needed to be in labor so she got pitocin.  Baby didn't respond well and she ended up with a c/s.  I'd really like to avoid that whole cascade and just let my little man come when he's ready.

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now...  The end is in sight, and you SHOULD be enjoying your last few weeks, stress-free...  :(

O.K.  We've established that you're there to give birth, NOT make friends.  It's time for you to quit playing nice.  You are the client, not the patient--you're not ill.  If they can't support your decisions, find another practice.

"Overall I just feel like I'm being treated like cattle and not like an individual. I don't feel like the dr and her staff are listening to me. If my dr can't keep her own nurses from being pushy, how is she going to advocate for me in the hospital? I'm super upset and really just don't want to have to fight for all of these things, just want my wishes respected."

It's a sad statement about birth in our nation when this happens every day to nearly every woman.  We're ALL bullied in some way or another.  We're made to feel we have no choice.  And they freak out when the lightbulb clicks on and we realize we DO have a choice...  Suddenly we're militants, birth nazis...  But that's OK.  We're not there to make friends.  We're with them to have a baby...

If you choose to stay at this practice, realize that you are on your own here.  Your wishes are NOT going to be respected.  They're offering cookie-cutter treatment to dozens of women every day, and they don't like the boat to be rocked by a differing opinion.  The only person that is going to advocate for you is YOU!  Do you have a support system?  Have you looked into getting a doula?  If not, you need one NOW!  You need her to go with you to every appointment from here on out and beside you the whole time during birth.  You can't afford not to hire one.

They can't force you to do anything against your wishes.  Simply because it is hospital policy to give a GBS mama antibiotics during birth does not mean it's against the law if you refuse.  So refuse!  Don't consent to the IV (of anything!).  Pull it out if they put it in.  You're going to do this birth YOUR way, mama!

You are a nurse.  You ARE informed.   You are going to be a mama soon, and this baby is counting on you to be strong for him.  Quit playing nice and let your inner mama bear come out.  Put that nurse in her place if she steps on your wishes again.  Refuse to deal with her.  Hang up if she calls.

You CAN do this, mama.  You MUST!  It's going to be a fight every step of the way, but it's going to be worth it in the end...

 

Lynette
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:08 AM
2 moms liked this

Either switch to a homebirth midwife now or get a doula.  My heart breaks for you.  A friend of mine switched to a homebirth midwife when she was 36wks, it can be done.  Find a doula, you need an advocate in a hospital setting that knows her stuff and can't be intimated.  Hugs

GoodyBrook
by Silver Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 1:14 AM

Also, know that any hospital or clinic that receives federal funding must have a program to offer financial aid to their clients.  So once the bills that insurance won't cover come piling in, call up hospital billing and request to speak to someone about their charity program.  Even if you are not destitute, they'll often write off a certain percentage of your debt, like a sliding-scale fee.  (Like those darn tests that aren't covered by insurance).

Hugs!

littlelambe2
by on Apr. 19, 2013 at 2:56 AM

I'm sorry! Stand your ground. At least you won't have to be dealing with your doctor's office nurse at the hospital :) you can request a saline lock instead of an IV. You most certainly can decline anything you want. I did the GBS test. Came back negative. But by the time I delivered (41w3d) my results had "expired". The admitting nurse said they would start a round of abx. I declined. She tried to push, but i stood my ground. She said id have to stay for 36 hrs after delivery. Whatever, i didnt want the abx. My doctor still signed me out to go home the same day I delivered with a short list of symptoms to look for to recognize if baby contracted it.

Ive gone throu 2 pregnancies and deliveries with my doc. There was only one nurse who I came across who was pushy like that. I couldn't stand her! She didn't last long at that office. I'm sorry :( it sucks to not be respected. Don't let them push you around.

tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on Apr. 19, 2013 at 9:08 AM

Sounds to me more than anything that the nurse thinks shes in charge lol

This is really common honestly

Magnolia7
by Bronze Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:23 AM

You're so right about this.  I really do like my doctor, but her reaction to me not wanting to screen for GD concerns me.  She seemed more concerned that she would look bad for not testing than me/baby would have a bad outcome.

I think she'll feel the same way about antibiotics - she wants to look good on paper as most OBs do.  Then if I refuse I'm very concerned about what they're going to want to do to my son.  I've read that we can do a heelstick for c-reactive protein to check for an early sign of infection and I'm ok with that.  But I'm concerned that they'll want to 1.) keep him for "observation" 2.) start and IV and draw blood for cultures/CBC 3.) give prophalactic antibiotics while waiting for the culture to grow out.  All things I do not believe are in his best interest and am trying to avoid.


Quoting tabi_cat1023:

Sounds to me more than anything that the nurse thinks shes in charge lol

This is really common honestly



isaacsmommy68
by Member on Apr. 19, 2013 at 10:52 AM

I declined a lot of test too. My OB told me he has to offer them, but I have every right to decline. He never pushed any testing on me. The only thing I did was the glucose test. My urine had a lot in it for a few weeks in a row, and he was concerned. Being 37 and advanced maternal age, there are a lot of tests they "recommend"! I told him unless there was some real concern with the health of my baby I would not do any of them. Some are scary and have horrible risks! He was fine with it. He even told me when I get to the hospital if I didn't like the doc to ask for a midwife. They will advocate for me. My only suggestion is to wait as long as possible to go to the hospital. That way there is no time for anything except for them to "catch the baby"! That is what my hospital recommend anyhow.....don't come until the baby is ready to be born. Good luck!

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