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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

*Edit*I'm just doing what they tell me" Long, sorry...need your help

Posted by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 10:37 AM
  • 40 Replies

I was talking to my brother's gf the other night and asked her if her ultrasound to determine baby's gender will be in June (she'll be 20 weeks beginning of June) and she said, "I don't know. I have to have one in May but I think that will be too early to tell so I would think I'd have another in June." When I asked her why she HAD to have an ultrasound in May (at 16 weeks), she said, "I'm not sure. They just told me I need to have one done and I'm just doing what they tell me." O.M.G. First of all, unless they suspected something was wrong (in which case, they should have told her!), there is NO reason to have an ultrasound at 16 weeks! She has already had two!!!! The first to "determine" how far along she is because she doesn't know when she conceived (which scares the crap out of me because they will probably want to induce her at 40 weeks and who knows if she really is that far along!), and then I don't even know why the hell she had another one! And now another at 16 weeks?? WTH? I'm guessing they'll tell her it's to see how the baby is growing. Okay, if a doctor NEEDS ultrasounds to tell him that the baby is growing, he has no business taking care of pregnant women! My midwife never needed an ultrasound to tell me how my baby was growing, or what position she was in. She even knew prior to my 20 week ultrasound that I had an anterior placenta. I'm really getting nervous about the "care" she is receiving, especially because she is just going along with it, no questions.

I'm trying to compile a list of topics that we (my mom and I) need to discuss with her so that she can make INFORMED decisions. She's one of those women that has just never even thought twice about how babies are born. It's like people think doctors have been around since the dawn of time and women can't survive pregnancy without them. And my brother is the same way and he is the type of man that will just say, "well she's the pregnant one, so whatever she says." So I don't think he will be much help, although I do plan to talk to him, too.

So here is my list so far, please feel free to add anything I have left out or give me any helpful links. I would very much appreciate it!! Since I had a mw and was encouraged to make my own decisions, I might forget some of the things that typically come up in OB care...

  1. Ultrasounds
  2. Glucose test
  3. Group B Strep
  4. Induction
  5. Epidurals
  6. Monitoring
  7. "Due" dates

And of course, all the newborn stuff...

  1. Hep B
  2. Vit K
  3. Eye drops
  4. Cord clamping
  5. Skin to skin
  6. Circumcision, if it's a boy (God I am PRAYING it's a girl so I don't even have to touch this subject on top of everything else! PLEASE let it be a girl!!!)

Okay, please let me know if I have left anything out. If you have any good resources, don't hesitate to share! Thank you SO much!

*I should clarify by saying I am not trying to shove my ways onto her. I am just trying to get all my info together so that I know what I am talking about when I suggest alternatives. I know I wouldn't listen to someone who didn't have all their facts, so that's what I'm trying to do here. . I would LOVE for her to do things differently, of course! But I also know that she has to make her own decisions. I do think she will be open to my suggestions, which is the only reason I am trying. I appreciate the advice and help. :-)

Lilypie Breastfeeding tickers
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 10:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
larissalarie
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:01 AM
1 mom liked this
Good luck. Maybe get her to watch Business of Being Born with you? Ultimately, you should respect that it's her body & her birth though. Most women seem fine with a completely medicalized birth, so don't be disappointed if she doesn't want to hear it. You'll have to drop it at that point.

So many women in my DDG get frequent ultrasounds, some get one at EVERY appointment! And they LOVE it. They don't seem to care that there's risk, they think the ultrasounds are fun and don't see the harm.
Idk, in my experience, you've gotta just worry about yourself, offer advice where it's WANTED, and then let it go and accept that others get to make their own choices however uninformed they might be.
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littlelambe2
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:06 AM

I would also add cervical checks, positions for laboring, positions for delivery, routine episiotomies, coached pushing, and breastfeeding immediately after birth. Contrary to popular belief, a full nursing session won't make your baby's waits off! Your baby's stomach is about 5 mL (marble sized) at birth. It's not stretchy, so not much fits in there. Your baby will not weigh an ounce more because of nursing before routine procedures. Lol. I was asked this so many times from uninformed and caring family members. 

Heres some good links I have saved on my iPad.


Common childbirth myths - 

Delayed cord clamping - 

Cervical exams - 

Informed consent -

tyrelsmom
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:06 AM
Plenty of doctors do ultrasounds at every appt. Why? Because insurance will pay for it.
littlelambe2
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:10 AM
1 mom liked this

With my first, I declined the routine 20w ultrasound and the routine cervical checks. When I asked my doctor why these were done, he told me the main reason is because the patients expect it. They want to see baby in utero, they want to know their dilation. A good doctor doesn't need an ultrasound to know position, approx weight, etc. (yeah, ultrasounds are good for checking for abnormalities) and cervical checks are definitely not needed!

littlelambe2
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this

I agree. Some people don't think your "opinion" is worth a hoot compared to their doctor's opinion. Others, will welcome you testing the waters and really open up and want to be informed and make the best decision they can for themselves. 

Case in point: my SIL seemed interested about natural births (both her mom and myself are advocates) but in the end she did't care. She wanted the easy way out (even during parenting, ugh) and didn't want to feel bad about it. On the other hand, my cousin was petrified of birth and was asking my some questions about my experiences. The more I told her, the more she wanted to know. She just had an amazing natural birth and is overwhelmingly thankful for my support. Uktimately, You have to respect the person's decisions.  


Quoting larissalarie:

Good luck. Maybe get her to watch Business of Being Born with you? Ultimately, you should respect that it's her body & her birth though. Most women seem fine with a completely medicalized birth, so don't be disappointed if she doesn't want to hear it. You'll have to drop it at that point.

So many women in my DDG get frequent ultrasounds, some get one at EVERY appointment! And they LOVE it. They don't seem to care that there's risk, they think the ultrasounds are fun and don't see the harm.
Idk, in my experience, you've gotta just worry about yourself, offer advice where it's WANTED, and then let it go and accept that others get to make their own choices however uninformed they might be.



PinkButterfly66
by on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:18 AM

The ultrasound at 16 weeks is to get an accurate measurement of fetus and to do amnio if she's planning on doing that.

snowangel1979
by Bronze Member on Apr. 27, 2013 at 11:21 AM
Honestly, I would push her more in the direction to do her own research on everything pregnancy related and informed decision-making.

Making a list for you and your mom to go over with or talk to her about and try to make her see your way is right probably won't go over well. Especially if It's a long list. You just need to put the ideas and questions in her head but let her think It's her idea and let her find the answers.
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mjrex87
by Mindy on Apr. 27, 2013 at 12:20 PM

Yea, I am trying so hard not to overwhelm her or make her think I'm trying to take over her pregnancy and birth. I just want her to have a chance to make informed decisions. She really just seems clueless.


Quoting larissalarie:

Good luck. Maybe get her to watch Business of Being Born with you? Ultimately, you should respect that it's her body & her birth though. Most women seem fine with a completely medicalized birth, so don't be disappointed if she doesn't want to hear it. You'll have to drop it at that point.

So many women in my DDG get frequent ultrasounds, some get one at EVERY appointment! And they LOVE it. They don't seem to care that there's risk, they think the ultrasounds are fun and don't see the harm.
Idk, in my experience, you've gotta just worry about yourself, offer advice where it's WANTED, and then let it go and accept that others get to make their own choices however uninformed they might be.



mjrex87
by Mindy on Apr. 27, 2013 at 12:22 PM

Thanks! I can't believe I forgot all those things! They were such non-issues for me with my mw.


Quoting littlelambe2:

I would also add cervical checks, positions for laboring, positions for delivery, routine episiotomies, coached pushing, and breastfeeding immediately after birth. Contrary to popular belief, a full nursing session won't make your baby's waits off! Your baby's stomach is about 5 mL (marble sized) at birth. It's not stretchy, so not much fits in there. Your baby will not weigh an ounce more because of nursing before routine procedures. Lol. I was asked this so many times from uninformed and caring family members. 

Heres some good links I have saved on my iPad.


Common childbirth myths - 

Delayed cord clamping - 

Cervical exams - 

Informed consent -



mjrex87
by Mindy on Apr. 27, 2013 at 12:25 PM
1 mom liked this

Oh, and I did mention BoBB to my brother. They are in AZ and I'm in TN so that makes it even harder. :-/ My mom is going to have lunch with her next week and ask her what her plans are and if she would consider any alternatives.


Quoting larissalarie:

Good luck. Maybe get her to watch Business of Being Born with you? Ultimately, you should respect that it's her body & her birth though. Most women seem fine with a completely medicalized birth, so don't be disappointed if she doesn't want to hear it. You'll have to drop it at that point.

So many women in my DDG get frequent ultrasounds, some get one at EVERY appointment! And they LOVE it. They don't seem to care that there's risk, they think the ultrasounds are fun and don't see the harm.
Idk, in my experience, you've gotta just worry about yourself, offer advice where it's WANTED, and then let it go and accept that others get to make their own choices however uninformed they might be.



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