Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Would you be a surrogate?

Posted by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:48 AM
  • 34 Replies

My cousin, who is six months younger than me, is getting married soon.  She had a liver transplant when we were 15.  She can have a pregnancy but the risk is super high.  I had eclampsia and HELLP with my dd but the chance of having it again is small.  I am considering surrogating if I can carry my next pregnancy healthy - is that crazy? BTW she and I have talked about it and she's worried about me but I'm worried about her lol.  They want kids but its really not an option for her to go off her meds.  


Would you surrogate?  Why or why not?

ETA this is arbitrary and far in the future : ) she's not even getting married for another 18 months.  She talked briefly to one adoption agency who will not work with transplant recipient moms but I'm sure others will and she would adopt if possible.

by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 2:48 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
littlelambe2
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 3:25 AM

In general, no, I would not. I could not handle giving a baby away that I had birthed. I think the emotional and physical changes that would go along with it would hurl me into a depression akin to a loss. 

jellyphish
by Platinum Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:19 AM
Especially in this situation I would. I would anyway, I think it's an amazing thing to do, and I have very healthy and relatively comfy pregnancies.
If you are sure you wouldn't have complications this time, I would do it.

But have they thought about adoption?
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
YzmaRocks
by on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:23 AM
Probably not. I would consider it for my sister if she really wanted to go that route but I think she is more interested in adoption anyway. And really, I am not sure I would do it even for her. I tend to have rough pregnancies and am a bit selfish. If I go through all that work, I want to keep the baby!
Mommy2justone
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:43 AM
I couldn't. We have tried for 3 years to have another baby. We are now foster parents (waiting for our first call) . I couldn't be pregnant and not have a baby after.
JMmama
by Silver Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:51 AM
Sure! I've thought about it in a couple of instances but the timing has never been right. I think I'm too old now.
Precious333
by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 10:51 AM
No i could not and would not. I bond too.much with my babies when they are in the womb and when they are born, i could not give a child up (blood or not) unless it was a matter life or death. Also i really do have a heart to adopt, i hope to someday. I know it can be hard for a family to not have children they birthed or is of their blood (i believe its natural and normal to want this), however i really do have a heart for adoption, i hope to adopt someday. There reallyare so many kids that dont have a mommy and daddy. I have several cousins who have been adopted, i couldnt imagine our family without them.
LaideBug
by Bronze Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:01 AM
If I had healthy pregnancies (sadly I don't) and by some miracle I had gotten my third child I would consider doing a gestational surrogacy but I wouldn't do a traditional surrogacy. I think I could bond in a special way with a baby I was giving away if it was someone else's but I couldn't with my own, I love and want my babies for my self way too much.
larissalarie
by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:15 AM
1 mom liked this
No, I don't think that's something I could do. Even though I have "easy" pregnancy and very "easy" labors, it's still hard and not something I really want to do again after this one.
Plus the idea of giving a baby away after carrying & birthing it is a lot.
Think about how you're going to feel WHEN (notice I don't say if) their parenting differs from yours. It's hard enough for me to watch friends & family: use rice cereal at a couple of months, full solids well before 6 months, CIO, use car seats improperly, run to the doctor and medicate every little thing, etc. How much more terrible if I'd carried that baby and had to watch them do this?!!

I think it's a great thing to do if you can though. I just couldn't handle it.
Posted on CafeMom Mobile
tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:38 AM
1 mom liked this

I would not surrogate if I were you because of your health risks, HELLP is serious and preE and HELLP are known to happen again in future pregnancies.  

Now if it was me theres a possibility...maybe.  I would have a hard time I think handing my child to someone I knew would formula feed, use cio, spank, and not use the best car seat safety...which is why I have not offered for my sister

Precious333
by Gold Member on Apr. 28, 2013 at 11:42 AM
That is so true too!


Quoting larissalarie:

No, I don't think that's something I could do. Even though I have "easy" pregnancy and very "easy" labors, it's still hard and not something I really want to do again after this one.
Plus the idea of giving a baby away after carrying & birthing it is a lot.
Think about how you're going to feel WHEN (notice I don't say if) their parenting differs from yours. It's hard enough for me to watch friends & family: use rice cereal at a couple of months, full solids well before 6 months, CIO, use car seats improperly, run to the doctor and medicate every little thing, etc. How much more terrible if I'd carried that baby and had to watch them do this?!!

I think it's a great thing to do if you can though. I just couldn't handle it.

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)