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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Needing to vent of a fear

Posted by on May. 15, 2013 at 9:37 AM
  • 21 Replies

I am 39.2 weeks today. Only 5 more days until my due date, 12 until my OB says its time to induce. This is my 3rd pregnancy. First 2 were miscarriages early on.

Well I didnt start getting "excited" about this pregnancy until after 20 weeks. I had to much of a fear that I was going to lose baby. My first I was 3-4 months along, so even hitting my 2nd trimester wasnt enough to take away that fear. Well I finally got excited and the fear went away and I was doing great. Until probably 35 weeks. I havent told anyone, not even DF (who was the only one who knew it was taking me so long to get excited early on. I hid it from everyone else, which was easy since I didnt see everyone else every single day.). I am terrified of my baby being still born. Absolutely terrified. I do not want to go to 40 weeks because I am so scared, the longer baby is in there, the more chance something can go wrong, the placenta start detaching, baby can poop, the cord wrap around babys neck, etc, etc. 

Yesterday baby really scared me, and this morning I tried waking baby for 40 minutes (I usually just push on my tummy a few times and sing the word "baby" and baby starts kicking like crazy), andfinally ate a bowl of cereal. About my 5th bite baby kicked me twice, and hasnt moved since. That was a half hour ago. Again, pushing on my tummy and singing "baby" isnt doing anything. I know that the closer you get, the less room baby has, so the less baby will move. But our normal routine is for me to wake baby and lay in bed for 5-10 minutes just loving all the kicks and punches. Even on babys lazy days in the past, we still had our special time in the mornings. 

Im scared. I want baby out today. But I dont even know how I would get my OB to induce me (which is also something I really fear having done because I want a natural birth so badly), because I dont think me saying "Im afraid if I wait until monday, baby will be dead" will be enough. And then again, maybe my fear also has a lot to do with the fact if my mom had allowed her OB to wait until monday to deliver me, I would have been dead. I dont know how to tell the difference of whether this is just a fear from my past 2 pregnancies and stories I have heard, and a common fear, or if this is serious mother instinct. Because yesterday it was the strongest it had ever been. And today its even stronger. 

I am definately going to our pregnancy center in town and asking them to check babies heart rate before driving a half hour to the hospital to do so. And hopefully it will ease my mind if baby truely is safe to stay in longer. But I want, and feel the need, to have baby today (even though today is the one day this month that I have been praying since the day I found out I was due in may, that baby wouldnt be born on.)

by on May. 15, 2013 at 9:37 AM
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Replies (1-10):
larissalarie
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2013 at 9:54 AM
1 mom liked this
Statistically speaking, a still born baby is extremely rare. What IS much more common is a mom and or baby with complications from an induced birth.

I can tell from your posts the last few days that you look for things to worry and stress about. THAT isn't healthy for the baby.
All I can tell you is that worrying doesn't change anything. If anything it actually makes time thing you fear MORE likely to occur.
Try to let it go and trust your body and your baby.
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jesuschild06
by on May. 15, 2013 at 10:05 AM

I have severe anxiety, and its really bad right now, but yeah. I have always worried way to much. I absolutely love cafemom, because I have learned so much, I never would have thought to research on my own, but it has also caused me to read a lot of stories (or even research stuff) that makes my fears and worries go up. relaxing when I am worried about something is not something I have been able to accomplish. I can get it off my mind for a while but never actually relax and stop worrying. In this pregnancy I have learned how to control my severe anxiety attacks for the most part, but the normal everyday worrying, I have no idea, because just reminding myself how silly it is to worry about things, or how harmful it can be to me (and baby), only makes it worse because then I start worrying about 'maybe my worry is legit and im just trying to ignore it and make it disappear rather than facing what is wrong and dealing with it the way I should'. 


Quoting larissalarie:

Statistically speaking, a still born baby is extremely rare. What IS much more common is a mom and or baby with complications from an induced birth.

I can tell from your posts the last few days that you look for things to worry and stress about. THAT isn't healthy for the baby.
All I can tell you is that worrying doesn't change anything. If anything it actually makes time thing you fear MORE likely to occur.
Try to let it go and trust your body and your baby.



larissalarie
by Gold Member on May. 15, 2013 at 10:13 AM
Anxiety is tough, sorry. If cm or the internet is making things worse, limit it or eliminate it completely for now.

I don't know if you've ever talked to a therapist, but starting or going back soon would probably be a really good thing for you. Specifically cognitive behavioral therapy could teach you to cope in new ways.

Good luck mama, you're almost through this pregnancy!


Quoting jesuschild06:

I have severe anxiety, and its really bad right now, but yeah. I have always worried way to much. I absolutely love cafemom, because I have learned so much, I never would have thought to research on my own, but it has also caused me to read a lot of stories (or even research stuff) that makes my fears and worries go up. relaxing when I am worried about something is not something I have been able to accomplish. I can get it off my mind for a while but never actually relax and stop worrying. In this pregnancy I have learned how to control my severe anxiety attacks for the most part, but the normal everyday worrying, I have no idea, because just reminding myself how silly it is to worry about things, or how harmful it can be to me (and baby), only makes it worse because then I start worrying about 'maybe my worry is legit and im just trying to ignore it and make it disappear rather than facing what is wrong and dealing with it the way I should'. 



Quoting larissalarie:

Statistically speaking, a still born baby is extremely rare. What IS much more common is a mom and or baby with complications from an induced birth.



I can tell from your posts the last few days that you look for things to worry and stress about. THAT isn't healthy for the baby.

All I can tell you is that worrying doesn't change anything. If anything it actually makes time thing you fear MORE likely to occur.

Try to let it go and trust your body and your baby.




Posted on CafeMom Mobile
jesuschild06
by on May. 15, 2013 at 10:23 AM

all the counselors, and psychologist I have seen blame it on me not talking enough to my parents, or because i dont have friends, so I stop going. My dad is dead (yet I still talk to him everyday), my mom is my best friend, and all my friends have moved out of state (or their bfs suck and wont let them have friends). i have never had one who actually tried to help me cope, just place blame. Anytime I would try to talk about something and not knowing how to help myself with it all they would say was "thats because of......" but never offer advice or tips on how to cope. Everything I have learned how to cope with was by doing tons of reasearch online, but theres only somuch you can get from the internet. 

Im not sure of any actualy therapists around here. Everyplace just states they have counselors or psychologists. And I know therapists are different. 

Thank you. 


Quoting larissalarie:

Anxiety is tough, sorry. If cm or the internet is making things worse, limit it or eliminate it completely for now.

I don't know if you've ever talked to a therapist, but starting or going back soon would probably be a really good thing for you. Specifically cognitive behavioral therapy could teach you to cope in new ways.

Good luck mama, you're almost through this pregnancy!


Quoting jesuschild06:

I have severe anxiety, and its really bad right now, but yeah. I have always worried way to much. I absolutely love cafemom, because I have learned so much, I never would have thought to research on my own, but it has also caused me to read a lot of stories (or even research stuff) that makes my fears and worries go up. relaxing when I am worried about something is not something I have been able to accomplish. I can get it off my mind for a while but never actually relax and stop worrying. In this pregnancy I have learned how to control my severe anxiety attacks for the most part, but the normal everyday worrying, I have no idea, because just reminding myself how silly it is to worry about things, or how harmful it can be to me (and baby), only makes it worse because then I start worrying about 'maybe my worry is legit and im just trying to ignore it and make it disappear rather than facing what is wrong and dealing with it the way I should'. 



Quoting larissalarie:

Statistically speaking, a still born baby is extremely rare. What IS much more common is a mom and or baby with complications from an induced birth.



I can tell from your posts the last few days that you look for things to worry and stress about. THAT isn't healthy for the baby.

All I can tell you is that worrying doesn't change anything. If anything it actually makes time thing you fear MORE likely to occur.

Try to let it go and trust your body and your baby.






bloomsr
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2013 at 10:31 AM
Try to relax. Focus on guided visualizations and relaxation techniques that you plan to use during your labor and delivery. Take a deep breath in. Breathe out and envision baby traveling down and into birthing position. Take deep, relaxing breaths and, with your eyes still closed, imagine holding your newborn baby for the first time. Continue with these breaths and continue to imagine holding your new baby.

It is a very emotional and uneasy time in the days leading up to your labor and delivery. Your anxiety and stress is natural (maybe a bit more extreme than other women) but normal none the less. You are days away from beginning the most amazing journey. Try to enjoy a meal out with dh, a pedicure or a massage. Soon you will be very busy loving on your new baby:)
Terpsichore
by Member on May. 15, 2013 at 10:49 AM

Sounds like my experience with psychologists. After thinking about how women often look for validation of their feelings when they state a problem, and men often look for a solution, I switched to male psychologists, and at first meeting would state that: I'm looking to make improvements, even baby steps count, but I can vent to my family for free. I found one decent one who did indeed help me make baby steps in the right direction, but he had to move. =( The others since then have been crap and I've given up.

Worrying can be a good thing: it can convince a person to research what is worrying them. Everything in moderation though, making yourself sick with worry is so uncomfortable (understatement). There must be a medium between getting induced now and worrying yourself sick. A home heartbeat monitor perhaps?


Quoting jesuschild06:

all the counselors, and psychologist I have seen blame it on me not talking enough to my parents, or because i dont have friends, so I stop going. My dad is dead (yet I still talk to him everyday), my mom is my best friend, and all my friends have moved out of state (or their bfs suck and wont let them have friends). i have never had one who actually tried to help me cope, just place blame. Anytime I would try to talk about something and not knowing how to help myself with it all they would say was "thats because of......" but never offer advice or tips on how to cope. Everything I have learned how to cope with was by doing tons of reasearch online, but theres only somuch you can get from the internet. 

Im not sure of any actualy therapists around here. Everyplace just states they have counselors or psychologists. And I know therapists are different. 

Thank you. 



megthompson920
by Member on May. 15, 2013 at 11:05 AM
2 moms liked this

Getting induced will not help anything at all. Baby will come when he/she is ready. I did the same thing with my first child. i had two previous miscarriges, and then got pregnant with her. I worried about something every single day. At the end when she was moving less, I literally went in every single day to have her heartbeat checked cuz I would freak out that she wasn't moving. My water ended up breaking on it's own, but contractions didn't start soon enough for the hospital, so uneducated, I let them start a pit drip which led to a wide road of interventions, ending in C-section. I will tell you from TWO c-sections, you don't want to start the road to intervention with no reason, otherwise you will likely end in c-section at all, which is not how you want to spend your first few weeks with baby.. hardly able to move, in a ton of pain, and only able to lift your baby, not to mention it's very difficult to find a position that works for breast feeding without hurting yourself from your incision, and milk usually takes longer to come in after a c-section. so please please don't be induced. I promise you are almost there!

jesuschild06
by on May. 15, 2013 at 2:03 PM
yeah. I think males would be better. I went to one once but only to afterwards be told they didnt take my insurance (i had told them to make sure beforehand and they promised they did) and it was 200 for the one visit. I couldnt return. So im not sure how he would have done. Ill start looking again... see if i can find a male one that takes my insurance. i went to the pregnancy center. Heartbeat is strong 140-150 and the lady took time to talk to me. Shes actually a midwife that volunteers there i guess. So it was kinda cool. I think my next pregnancy im gonna look into getting a midwife rather than an OB. Even though mine is amaizing and i love her. I could tell a huge difference between them.


Quoting Terpsichore:

Sounds like my experience with psychologists. After thinking about how women often look for validation of their feelings when they state a problem, and men often look for a solution, I switched to male psychologists, and at first meeting would state that: I'm looking to make improvements, even baby steps count, but I can vent to my family for free. I found one decent one who did indeed help me make baby steps in the right direction, but he had to move. =( The others since then have been crap and I've given up.

Worrying can be a good thing: it can convince a person to research what is worrying them. Everything in moderation though, making yourself sick with worry is so uncomfortable (understatement). There must be a medium between getting induced now and worrying yourself sick. A home heartbeat monitor perhaps?



Quoting jesuschild06:

all the counselors, and psychologist I have seen blame it on me not talking enough to my parents, or because i dont have friends, so I stop going. My dad is dead (yet I still talk to him everyday), my mom is my best friend, and all my friends have moved out of state (or their bfs suck and wont let them have friends). i have never had one who actually tried to help me cope, just place blame. Anytime I would try to talk about something and not knowing how to help myself with it all they would say was "thats because of......" but never offer advice or tips on how to cope. Everything I have learned how to cope with was by doing tons of reasearch online, but theres only somuch you can get from the internet. 

Im not sure of any actualy therapists around here. Everyplace just states they have counselors or psychologists. And I know therapists are different. 

Thank you. 





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jesuschild06
by on May. 15, 2013 at 2:09 PM
thanks. A lot. Today is mine and DFs day (i shouldnt be on here right now bc internet isnt allowed on our day) so were doing stuff together. He went with me to the pregnancy center (babys hb is good) went shopping with me and then we went to subway. Were heading home now to snuggle and watch a movie together. Im feeling better but im gonna do what you said anyways today.


Quoting bloomsr:

Try to relax. Focus on guided visualizations and relaxation techniques that you plan to use during your labor and delivery. Take a deep breath in. Breathe out and envision baby traveling down and into birthing position. Take deep, relaxing breaths and, with your eyes still closed, imagine holding your newborn baby for the first time. Continue with these breaths and continue to imagine holding your new baby.



It is a very emotional and uneasy time in the days leading up to your labor and delivery. Your anxiety and stress is natural (maybe a bit more extreme than other women) but normal none the less. You are days away from beginning the most amazing journey. Try to enjoy a meal out with dh, a pedicure or a massage. Soon you will be very busy loving on your new baby:)

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polkaspots
by Bronze Member on May. 15, 2013 at 2:13 PM
I had severe bleeding issues at the beginning of my pregnancy, so I understand your fear of something being wrong and you not knowing. I had one of those things that you put on your stomach and you listen to the heartbeat with earphones. I used to use it when I couldn't sleep. Just knowing the baby was alive made me a lot calmer. I'm prone to anxiety attacks, and my doctor said to do whatever it took to avoid them during my pregnancy. I think it was made by graco.
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