I am 39.2 weeks today. Only 5 more days until my due date, 12 until my OB says its time to induce. This is my 3rd pregnancy. First 2 were miscarriages early on.
Well I didnt start getting "excited" about this pregnancy until after 20 weeks. I had to much of a fear that I was going to lose baby. My first I was 3-4 months along, so even hitting my 2nd trimester wasnt enough to take away that fear. Well I finally got excited and the fear went away and I was doing great. Until probably 35 weeks. I havent told anyone, not even DF (who was the only one who knew it was taking me so long to get excited early on. I hid it from everyone else, which was easy since I didnt see everyone else every single day.). I am terrified of my baby being still born. Absolutely terrified. I do not want to go to 40 weeks because I am so scared, the longer baby is in there, the more chance something can go wrong, the placenta start detaching, baby can poop, the cord wrap around babys neck, etc, etc.
Yesterday baby really scared me, and this morning I tried waking baby for 40 minutes (I usually just push on my tummy a few times and sing the word "baby" and baby starts kicking like crazy), andfinally ate a bowl of cereal. About my 5th bite baby kicked me twice, and hasnt moved since. That was a half hour ago. Again, pushing on my tummy and singing "baby" isnt doing anything. I know that the closer you get, the less room baby has, so the less baby will move. But our normal routine is for me to wake baby and lay in bed for 5-10 minutes just loving all the kicks and punches. Even on babys lazy days in the past, we still had our special time in the mornings.
Im scared. I want baby out today. But I dont even know how I would get my OB to induce me (which is also something I really fear having done because I want a natural birth so badly), because I dont think me saying "Im afraid if I wait until monday, baby will be dead" will be enough. And then again, maybe my fear also has a lot to do with the fact if my mom had allowed her OB to wait until monday to deliver me, I would have been dead. I dont know how to tell the difference of whether this is just a fear from my past 2 pregnancies and stories I have heard, and a common fear, or if this is serious mother instinct. Because yesterday it was the strongest it had ever been. And today its even stronger.
I am definately going to our pregnancy center in town and asking them to check babies heart rate before driving a half hour to the hospital to do so. And hopefully it will ease my mind if baby truely is safe to stay in longer. But I want, and feel the need, to have baby today (even though today is the one day this month that I have been praying since the day I found out I was due in may, that baby wouldnt be born on.)