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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

I have a confession and i need advice.

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:39 AM
  • 10 Replies

I grew up in a household where spanking was the primary source of discipline. Most of my parenting falls into the "Attachment Parenting" category, ...except that i sometimes spank my kids. I really hate this part and i need some tips on how to deal with this. I don't need ideas on how else to discipline them. I do have a certificate in early childhood education and have many other ways that i discipline them. Spanking is not usually a first thought reaction. What i do need is stories from anyone else who has gone through this and how they overcame it. Or anyone who might be able to give me some kind of alternative to spanking when i feel it is my last resort.

Notice: I do not need rude and judgmental comments or remarks. Obviously this is something that already bothers me and i'm making attempts to better myself as a parent.

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:39 AM
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bloomsr
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:55 AM
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It is very hard to break the cycle of parenting that you grew up with. My house had spanking and A LOT of yelling. Yelling is my thing I struggle with. I try to say to myself every night (in my head at least, out loud if dh isn't around) "I am not a mother who yells". For whatever reason this does help me. I use it as part if my night time relaxation/unwinding time.

I spanked my oldest child once when he was about 20 months old. It wasn't very hard and he did have a diaper on... I felt so bad. Try to look at your children and remind yourself of how small they truly are. They are learning and testing boundaries is their job. Caring enough to ask for advice on this matter is a huge first step. Apologizing to your kids is important, too.

After I tell at my kids and cool down, I always apologize. I explain why I yelled and also tell them that I am working on not yelling as often. I also ask my kids to help think of ways to help me not yell (they are 18 mos, 3 1/2 and 5 1/2 and the older 2 are very helpful and come up with adorable answers). A hug and an 'I love you' end our conversation about my yelling and then we move on. I try to forgive myself and try to do better each day.

Good luck!!! You can break the spanking cycle!!
polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 1:06 AM
1 mom liked this
I have the same problem with yelling. What has been working for me so far is babbling like an idiot. I over-explain everything starting at why crayons aren't food and continuing to the kid will get vomit on their clothing and they'll smell bad. I get the weirdest looks since I started it when my oldest was tiny. I can't keep my mouth shut when I get pissed off because I start to lose it, but if I just keep talking I can keep my cool.
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RishawnsMom
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 8:57 AM
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I too grew up in a household that spanked.  I got spanked many times as a child.  And I have to admit I do spank my children. I have a 2 and 5 yr old.  But like you said that is a last resort. I do use time outs.  I punish by taking away things they love to play with. I turn the tv off and everything and sometimes all of that has very little effect....so what's next??  A spanking of course.  I yell at times and that's basically out of frustration.  Kids at their age choose not to listen and my 2 yr old is in that NO stage and it drives me crazy.  But to give advice on your situation ( this is strictly my opinion) I don't see anything wrong with a spanking IF its entitled. I don't not agree with beating the kids day in and day out. That to me that is abuse and I honestly don't believe we are abusing our children because we spank them. It teaches them consequences of unacceptable behavior and I also believe it builds respect.  Just think about how many times you've seen that unruly child in a restaurant or grocery store practically beating up their parents and talking really nasty to them.  What is your first thought??  Well mine is....that child needs a spanking lol. 

TameraZoli
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 10:48 AM
1 mom liked this

As PP said, parenting cycles can be difficult to break. My parents spanked my older siblings once or twice, but by the time I came around, they had stopped with the whole spanking thing. So i didn't really grow up getting spanked. In stead I go the yelling. It can definitely be hard to overcome frustration - when lo just doesn't listen, says "no" and is absolutely testing you... If I find myself hitting a wall (not getting through to my little guy) and on the verge of yelling, sometimes I will take a step back, go into another room for a moment and take a deep breath. It will just give me that extra bit of patience that I needed and I come out more calmly.

outstandingLove
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 10:55 AM
I know what your saying about the spankings and unruly children. My preference would be to only use spankings in life threatening situations, like if DD ran out into the parking lot, or if she got caught trying to poke the outlet with a fork or something.
I feel in those situations a spanking is justified. It will hurt them far less than the true natural consequence, yet hopefully instill in them enough fear not to do it again.


Quoting RishawnsMom:

I too grew up in a household that spanked.  I got spanked many times as a child.  And I have to admit I do spank my children. I have a 2 and 5 yr old.  But like you said that is a last resort. I do use time outs.  I punish by taking away things they love to play with. I turn the tv off and everything and sometimes all of that has very little effect....so what's next??  A spanking of course.  I yell at times and that's basically out of frustration.  Kids at their age choose not to listen and my 2 yr old is in that NO stage and it drives me crazy.  But to give advice on your situation ( this is strictly my opinion) I don't see anything wrong with a spanking IF its entitled. I don't not agree with beating the kids day in and day out. That to me that is abuse and I honestly don't believe we are abusing our children because we spank them. It teaches them consequences of unacceptable behavior and I also believe it builds respect.  Just think about how many times you've seen that unruly child in a restaurant or grocery store practically beating up their parents and talking really nasty to them.  What is your first thought??  Well mine is....that child needs a spanking lol. 

JoJoBean8
by Group Mod on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:20 PM
1 mom liked this
I used to spank but reading raising our children raising ourselves really helped me break the cycle.
larissalarie
by Gold Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:33 PM
1 mom liked this
I grew up with spanking and thought I'd spank too, but watching the reaction to the one and only spanking given to my oldest was enough to convince me never to do it again. Then in college I learned a lot about how detrimental it is, so that helped me have confidence in my decision (that and having a really well behaved child without spanking)

I think you just have to set in your mind that it isn't an option and then don't do it. Changing from a punitive view of parenting to a positive view can also be helpful.

Good luck!
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outstandingLove
by Bronze Member on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:42 PM
I've never heard of that book. I'll have to check it out.

Quoting JoJoBean8:

I used to spank but reading raising our children raising ourselves really helped me break the cycle.
secondboy2012
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 12:48 PM
1 mom liked this
I'm in the same boat and also went to college for early childhood education.

Idk what to say, I have a 13 year old and a 17 month old. I did spank on occasion when my oldest was young, but he did have behavior problems associated with autism. I don't spank/hit him and just never did for my youngest. I don't feel it necessary. If you figure it out let me know.
tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on Aug. 22, 2013 at 7:41 PM


I think I need to read that book, I havent!

Quoting outstandingLove:

I've never heard of that book. I'll have to check it out.

Quoting JoJoBean8:

I used to spank but reading raising our children raising ourselves really helped me break the cycle.



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