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Feeling sad - sorry long-about older children dealing with mc

Posted by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:23 PM
  • 13 Replies

I've suspected that my 7 yr old ds has been worried about his baby brother due in Oct. We had a mc last summer at 10wks. Our kids knew. I was sick a lot from pregnancy, plus other reasons so we decided to tell the kids. Last night we went to the big sibling class at the hospital. We go to a freestanding birth center, but this is a good class not offered at birthing center. On the way to school I was talking to the kids about the differences of what will happen vs what they were told last night. Like we will go home a couple hrs after baby is born, etc. Then ds asked why we talk about the baby so much when we don't know if he'll get to come home and live with us. I knew what he meant, but wanted him to express it. He pointed up and said he may go straight to heaven too. I'm glad he opened up and we talked about how nothing is for certain, but this baby could live even if he was born today (I'm 32wks). 

Glad he finally talked abou his concerns, but breaks my heart he isnt more open. He cried a lot last summer when we told him. He's been having potty accidents at night almost nightly the past 6 wks and I was assuming it was he was worried but when I tried to talk to him before, but he woulnt open up. 

by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:23 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on Aug. 22, 2013 at 11:27 PM

Oh, your poor son.  We often don't realize how much our kiddos know and feel about "our" lives.  :(

by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 9:18 AM
Aw :( we were watching a show on TV (some weight loss one) the other night and a lady mentioned how she had her first baby too early and she only lived for two hours. My 6 year old asked "why do some babies only live for two hours?" She had tears in her eyes and then started crying. It's sad even for adults to think (or go through) things like this.
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 10:28 AM

That poor boy =(

by Tabi - Admin on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:37 AM
Oh poor guy! That is heartbreaking. I think my oldest would be just like that too! I am so glad he is willing to open up about it now! Let your guy know that its ok to be excited about the baby, even IF something happened it wouldnt mean you wouldnt love the baby or not talk about the baby.
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:07 PM

Aww, how heartbreaking. I'm glad that you had this little bit of an ice breaker for him to be able to open up and talk about it.

by Gold Member on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:12 PM
Big hugs to you all! My oldest is very sensitive and cfied a lot and asked many questions whenmy mom's dog died. We never told him.about my miscarriages, but maybe one day I will. I think talking about it helps with the.healing process, and once he sees his new sibling, that will help a lot too!
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 3:33 PM

 That's so sad that he's been worried about that.  It's really nice he opened up to you about it.  Hope you have a healthy pregnancy/birth.

by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 7:28 PM
What an amazing young man! He is really wise beyond his years to be think of such things and the fact that he feels comfortable expressing them to you shows what a solid relationship you have <3

Best wishes for your upcoming delivery
by on Aug. 23, 2013 at 11:21 PM
That is so sweet and so sad. How often we forget how kids are impacted too. Glad he got a chance to talk about it.
by on Aug. 24, 2013 at 1:13 AM

Thanks ladies for "listening" to me. We have an awesome relationship. He turns 8 in 3 weeks and I hope we can continue through his teen years. It bothers me when he holds things in. I want him to feel safe to talk to us about anything.

Happy update: baby is always been very active and visible externally for quite a while. Tonight I was talking to the 2 big kids and baby's foot came straight out and I pointed it out to them. Caleb, my ds, measured baby's foot and then compared it to his. He lit up with excitement talking about his brother. 

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