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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

bedtime

Posted by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:55 PM
  • 16 Replies

so my dd has been cosleeping for the past two months per her choice but the problem is she needs me to cuddle her to sleep where I just fall asleep since I am pregnant...now my dh works nights so I normally dont care but today hes home so I wanted to hang with him...I tried putting her in my bed alone after a quick snuggle but she has been crying "I want my mama, I want to snuggle please" for the last half hour. I never had problems getting her to bed before she woudl just lay in her room and talk to her animals and sleep. I cant keep going to bed at 8:30 any ideas?...she will be three in nov btw. Its killing me becasue she literally just wants me to spoon her. 

by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 9:55 PM
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larissalarie
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:15 PM
Tell her you can snuggle with her for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes get up. If/when she wants more time, tell her you can't right now because you've gotta do whatever (I always had cleaning up to finish that I used for my "excuse"), but when you're done you'll come back and check on her and she needs to lay quietly and rest now.
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monalisasus
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:18 PM

I tried those exact words lol before I read this...since of course I had picking up to do...eventually papa went to lay with her and she fell asleep. I think I may need to stop falling asleep with her for a bit. 

Quoting larissalarie:

Tell her you can snuggle with her for 5 minutes. After 5 minutes get up. If/when she wants more time, tell her you can't right now because you've gotta do whatever (I always had cleaning up to finish that I used for my "excuse"), but when you're done you'll come back and check on her and she needs to lay quietly and rest now.


jconney80
by Group Mod on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:23 PM
I hope you can figure it out. I still do that with my son but I can get up when he's asleep since he's in his own bed
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monalisasus
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:24 PM

perhaps second trimester will allow me to do that lol. for now I must need the sleep.

Quoting jconney80:

I hope you can figure it out. I still do that with my son but I can get up when he's asleep since he's in his own bed


Mommy0505
by on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:35 PM

Kids need a routine and dependability.  Either you decide on a routine that involves cuddle time or not, but whichever it is you need to be sure to stick with it for the long haul, not what is convenient for you at the moment.

At 3 she won't be able to distinguish the different expectations based on you DH's schedule, so sit down and figure out what you want going forward as far as bedtime expectations...

 

It could include 0 cuddling, some cudding (a specific time limit), or unlimited cuddling (which sounds like you don't want).  Setting up a routine that includes cuddling somewhere in the middle might work.  Like:  Jammies&teeth, followed by 1 book in bed, followed by 5 min of cuddling, and lastly a good night song/lullaby or kissing of all stuffies...  That way she always knows what's coming next and what to expect.

The tough part will be transitioning to whatever you decide you want to change to, but with perseverence she'll adjust.  We had to be strict with my son around age 3 when it came to staying in his own bed at night.  It only took 4 nights and he was all set to go!  Just decide to stick with a plan and ALWAYS follow through =)

Good Luck!

 

monalisasus
by Bronze Member on Sep. 4, 2013 at 10:39 PM

We had this for 2.5 years. every night same time, a few books a few songs mama leaves. worked great never a problem. then she started coming into our bed in the middle of the nigh, okay wahtever, we would put her back. but something happened where all of the sudden it just didnt work, I dont know because she stayed a weekend at grandmas or what but one day she frantically freaked out and screamed to cuddle mama in such a way that I went to her since I dont want her killing brain cells and being tramatized. so I would lay with her, but since Im preggo I fall asleep. 

Quoting Mommy0505:

Kids need a routine and dependability.  Either you decide on a routine that involves cuddle time or not, but whichever it is you need to be sure to stick with it for the long haul, not what is convenient for you at the moment.

At 3 she won't be able to distinguish the different expectations based on you DH's schedule, so sit down and figure out what you want going forward as far as bedtime expectations...


It could include 0 cuddling, some cudding (a specific time limit), or unlimited cuddling (which sounds like you don't want).  Setting up a routine that includes cuddling somewhere in the middle might work.  Like:  Jammies&teeth, followed by 1 book in bed, followed by 5 min of cuddling, and lastly a good night song/lullaby or kissing of all stuffies...  That way she always knows what's coming next and what to expect.

The tough part will be transitioning to whatever you decide you want to change to, but with perseverence she'll adjust.  We had to be strict with my son around age 3 when it came to staying in his own bed at night.  It only took 4 nights and he was all set to go!  Just decide to stick with a plan and ALWAYS follow through =)

Good Luck!



jconney80
by Group Mod on Sep. 7, 2013 at 11:06 PM

I would just try talking about it a lot. Maybe find a story or make up your own story on Office with pics of you two about when she goes to sleep, how long you're in there, and everything that will happen. I have to walk my kids through our routines a lot to reduce anxiety and it helps soooo much! We talk about it all day every day before we change anything. It helps them know what to expect and accept it. I'm sure you're just tired and falling asleep easily since you're pregnant. Hopefully it will get better the further along you get

Quoting monalisasus:

We had this for 2.5 years. every night same time, a few books a few songs mama leaves. worked great never a problem. then she started coming into our bed in the middle of the nigh, okay wahtever, we would put her back. but something happened where all of the sudden it just didnt work, I dont know because she stayed a weekend at grandmas or what but one day she frantically freaked out and screamed to cuddle mama in such a way that I went to her since I dont want her killing brain cells and being tramatized. so I would lay with her, but since Im preggo I fall asleep. 

Quoting Mommy0505:

Kids need a routine and dependability.  Either you decide on a routine that involves cuddle time or not, but whichever it is you need to be sure to stick with it for the long haul, not what is convenient for you at the moment.

At 3 she won't be able to distinguish the different expectations based on you DH's schedule, so sit down and figure out what you want going forward as far as bedtime expectations...


It could include 0 cuddling, some cudding (a specific time limit), or unlimited cuddling (which sounds like you don't want).  Setting up a routine that includes cuddling somewhere in the middle might work.  Like:  Jammies&teeth, followed by 1 book in bed, followed by 5 min of cuddling, and lastly a good night song/lullaby or kissing of all stuffies...  That way she always knows what's coming next and what to expect.

The tough part will be transitioning to whatever you decide you want to change to, but with perseverence she'll adjust.  We had to be strict with my son around age 3 when it came to staying in his own bed at night.  It only took 4 nights and he was all set to go!  Just decide to stick with a plan and ALWAYS follow through =)

Good Luck!




monalisasus
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2013 at 12:20 AM

Papa got her to sleep twice in under ten min. ugh. hes not home enough for me to use him. I think the talking about it helps a lot. 

Quoting jconney80:

I would just try talking about it a lot. Maybe find a story or make up your own story on Office with pics of you two about when she goes to sleep, how long you're in there, and everything that will happen. I have to walk my kids through our routines a lot to reduce anxiety and it helps soooo much! We talk about it all day every day before we change anything. It helps them know what to expect and accept it. I'm sure you're just tired and falling asleep easily since you're pregnant. Hopefully it will get better the further along you get

Quoting monalisasus:

We had this for 2.5 years. every night same time, a few books a few songs mama leaves. worked great never a problem. then she started coming into our bed in the middle of the nigh, okay wahtever, we would put her back. but something happened where all of the sudden it just didnt work, I dont know because she stayed a weekend at grandmas or what but one day she frantically freaked out and screamed to cuddle mama in such a way that I went to her since I dont want her killing brain cells and being tramatized. so I would lay with her, but since Im preggo I fall asleep. 

Quoting Mommy0505:

Kids need a routine and dependability.  Either you decide on a routine that involves cuddle time or not, but whichever it is you need to be sure to stick with it for the long haul, not what is convenient for you at the moment.

At 3 she won't be able to distinguish the different expectations based on you DH's schedule, so sit down and figure out what you want going forward as far as bedtime expectations...


It could include 0 cuddling, some cudding (a specific time limit), or unlimited cuddling (which sounds like you don't want).  Setting up a routine that includes cuddling somewhere in the middle might work.  Like:  Jammies&teeth, followed by 1 book in bed, followed by 5 min of cuddling, and lastly a good night song/lullaby or kissing of all stuffies...  That way she always knows what's coming next and what to expect.

The tough part will be transitioning to whatever you decide you want to change to, but with perseverence she'll adjust.  We had to be strict with my son around age 3 when it came to staying in his own bed at night.  It only took 4 nights and he was all set to go!  Just decide to stick with a plan and ALWAYS follow through =)

Good Luck!





bloomsr
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2013 at 12:27 AM
I went through the EXACT same thing with ds1 (who was 20-23 months old at the time) when I was pregnant with dd. I carried on letting him fall asleep next to me for a few months and finally hit my breaking point. I explained that I would read to him and then tuck him in but wouldn't fall asleep with him anymore.

This was not very well recieved by him. I spent a few nights returning him to his bed countless times (like 30+ times some nights! Dh and I would take turns putting him back to bed). I went through a similar struggle with dd when she was around the same age. The "super nanny technique" of bed time helped a ton and that is what we did (no talking to kid at all after first return to bed- I'm sure there's a more detailed explanation online somewhere).

It was very trying and hard to stick with at times. But I wanted my nights back and needed my son to sleep well on his own before dd was born. Good luck!!
monalisasus
by Bronze Member on Sep. 8, 2013 at 12:35 AM

ive seen super nanny I know what you mean lol. I should try it. 

Quoting bloomsr:


I went through the EXACT same thing with ds1 (who was 20-23 months old at the time) when I was pregnant with dd. I carried on letting him fall asleep next to me for a few months and finally hit my breaking point. I explained that I would read to him and then tuck him in but wouldn't fall asleep with him anymore.

This was not very well recieved by him. I spent a few nights returning him to his bed countless times (like 30+ times some nights! Dh and I would take turns putting him back to bed). I went through a similar struggle with dd when she was around the same age. The "super nanny technique" of bed time helped a ton and that is what we did (no talking to kid at all after first return to bed- I'm sure there's a more detailed explanation online somewhere).

It was very trying and hard to stick with at times. But I wanted my nights back and needed my son to sleep well on his own before dd was born. Good luck!!


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