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Very awkward situation with BM's parenting methods, please help.

Posted by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 6:05 PM
  • 13 Replies

Hi ladies, I just joined this group. Im hoping this will be more along the lines of my parenting style.

I have an issue going on right now. I have 2 SK's and 1 DD. My SD is 11 and stays with us during the week going to school here. her mom on weekends. She is going thru a really hormonal/bad PMS on and off phase. She gets a really bad attitude during her period every month for about a week straight. 

When she gets disrespectful, we take away things like her cell phone, going to dances, the TV. But her mom is totally different. She'll waste no time in slapping her. Tonight, I got a text from her mom saying she got disresectful with her, then locked her out of her bedroom for several minutes. When her mom came out with the tool box, she unlocked her door. so her mom text me telling me she wasn't allowed to go to the dance this friday or go trick or treating. Which is fine with us. But then she described how she "whooped" her ass, then took a pic of her in some shirt with something written on it (I couldn't make it out) and sent it to us. Her DD was hysterical crying in the pic. 

This is not funny. We were willing to ignore the "whooping" because we don't and can't have much say in her parenting methods, but the pic is just too far! I honestly don't think there is much we can do since she is extremely stubborn, she won't listen to reason. At what point could all this be abusive? My DH feels this is abuse, but many people don't. I haven't had much of a chance to speak with him about it yet, but he did say he plans on saving the pic just in case he needs it for documentation. 

by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 6:05 PM
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Replies (1-10):
polkaspots
by Bronze Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 6:07 PM
1 mom liked this
It's physical and emotional abuse. Start keeping records of everything and go to court.
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N_maricle
by Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 6:11 PM
IMO spanking a kid that age isn't going to work, but the photo seems pretty like a pretty immature thing to do. Is BM always like that?
veggiemom474
by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 6:22 PM


I think if she's pushed too far, she just reacts. We have excellent communication, so i know when there's an incident like this and it happens maybe once a month. She sees them on weekends. Most everyone in my SD's life is die hard on the corporal punishment, except my DH and I.

Quoting N_maricle:

IMO spanking a kid that age isn't going to work, but the photo seems pretty like a pretty immature thing to do. Is BM always like that?



N_maricle
by Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 6:35 PM
Sounds like a tough situation. The way her mom handled it is only going to cause more anger, and increase the likelihood of more outbursts. Sounds like you need some kind of structured punishment and rewards system. An alternative to yelling and losing control, because once that happens we've lost all authority. I'm a recovering "yeller" so this comes from experience.


Quoting veggiemom474:


I think if she's pushed too far, she just reacts. We have excellent communication, so i know when there's an incident like this and it happens maybe once a month. She sees them on weekends. Most everyone in my SD's life is die hard on the corporal punishment, except my DH and I.


Quoting N_maricle:

IMO spanking a kid that age isn't going to work, but the photo seems pretty like a pretty immature thing to do. Is BM always like that?





veggiemom474
by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 6:38 PM


It's funny u said that about yelling cause I stop myself from getting into a yelling match with her all the time. So easy to sucked into yelling at each other.  Normally, her mom is right on board with us and the "earn" her privileges back., thats our system. But this one she just went crazy about. I guess her DD locking her outta the bedroom pushed her over her limite. 

Quoting N_maricle:

Sounds like a tough situation. The way her mom handled it is only going to cause more anger, and increase the likelihood of more outbursts. Sounds like you need some kind of structured punishment and rewards system. An alternative to yelling and losing control, because once that happens we've lost all authority. I'm a recovering "yeller" so this comes from experience.


Quoting veggiemom474:


I think if she's pushed too far, she just reacts. We have excellent communication, so i know when there's an incident like this and it happens maybe once a month. She sees them on weekends. Most everyone in my SD's life is die hard on the corporal punishment, except my DH and I.


Quoting N_maricle:

IMO spanking a kid that age isn't going to work, but the photo seems pretty like a pretty immature thing to do. Is BM always like that?







veggiemom474
by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 7:45 PM

BUMP!

jconney80
by Group Mod on Oct. 19, 2013 at 10:25 PM
I would try talking to her and getting on the same page. Let her know this is abusive and only hurting their relationship along with any chances of her listening
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swedemomma
by on Oct. 19, 2013 at 10:31 PM
1 mom liked this

I agree with this, but would not say abusive to her. Not that it doesn't sound abusive, but the word will most likely make her defensive and less likely to be open to listen.. In my experience when someone says abuse the person feels threaten. I would keep documentation on everything, especially when the bm is telling you. If it gets to the point you think your sks are in danger than talk to your attorney. 

Quoting jconney80:

I would try talking to her and getting on the same page. Let her know this is abusive and only hurting their relationship along with any chances of her listening


jconney80
by Group Mod on Oct. 19, 2013 at 11:11 PM

Yeah you're right. It's borderline abusive. I don't know the circumstances around it but I would never send a picture of my kid upset in a way that is mocking her or laughing about it. I guess it depends on what was going on with the shirt. It is definitely NOT productive for a kid to want to listen. 

Quoting swedemomma:

I agree with this, but would not say abusive to her. Not that it doesn't sound abusive, but the word will most likely make her defensive and less likely to be open to listen.. In my experience when someone says abuse the person feels threaten. I would keep documentation on everything, especially when the bm is telling you. If it gets to the point you think your sks are in danger than talk to your attorney. 

Quoting jconney80:

I would try talking to her and getting on the same page. Let her know this is abusive and only hurting their relationship along with any chances of her listening



justone_jen
by Bronze Member on Oct. 19, 2013 at 11:16 PM
What was her intention with the photo? To humiliate her?

Call me crazy, but I'd flip the fuck out if my ex sent me a picture of our child crying hysterically, in an attempt to humiliate her.
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