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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

Circumcision

Posted by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:19 AM
  • 28 Replies

I am 21 weeks and just found out is a boy! While I am so excited about having a boy after 2 girls, there was always ONE thing that scared me about having a boy... the debate with DH about circumcision.

I am very much against it. All of the research I have done indicates that it is not medically necessary and that there is a greater chance of a problem occuring BECAUSE of a circumcision than the need for a man to have a problem and need to have it done later in life. I do not think "to look like his dad" is a good enough argument to just ignore the research, not to mention the pain the poor baby would go through.

DH on the other hand, is very in favor of it. We haven't had a real conversation about it yet, but have any of you encountered this problem? I hear so many moms say they let the dad decide since they know more about it, but I don't think that is necessarily true. How have you handled this? I don't want this to cause a problem between us, but I also cannot allow my baby to be circumcised!

by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:19 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Precious333
by Gold Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:32 AM
2 moms liked this
Dh and his family were all.in.favor. I was not, and the only boy I knew that was not circ was my half brother. My stepmom gave me a book called "doctors re-examine circumcision" that really led me to decide not to. Same with my sister when she was pregnant with my nephew. Well, after much debating etc. I still could not convince my dh, and.he could not convince me (he had nothing backing up his opinion). So,.finally I said that I would not consent for our newborn to be circed in the hospital, if he wanted it done than I had a doctor that does circumcisions fot jewish families and we could use him. Dh bailed out (he didnt want to pay the money), and it never came up again (we have three boys intact).
Johlsh
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:49 AM
Dh, his side of the family, and my side are all very firm in circumcision, however I am not. With our first son I was on the fence, and we could never agree what to do. So in the hospital I went with what my o.b suggested and what my dh wanted although i wasn't 100% comfortable with it. This time around after alot more research and thought I decided there is no way I am getting this baby boy circ'ed. Dh doesn't agree and is still leaning towards circumcision, but he knows I am not okay with it and has somewhat accepted it. My family and his are very much against this decision in not having it done, but honestly at this point I dont care. Not their baby, not their choice. I have to live with my choice.
japanmommy
by Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:31 AM
Make him come up with a legitimate argument for it supported by facts and tell him you'll do the same.

Ask him if you had wanted a dd circumcised and he didn't what would be the solution.

Have him watch a video.

Don't sign the consent.



My dh and I argued for forever, I had just about decided he won the argument wheny son was born I just couldn't do it which didn't matter because the doc was worried about a testicle and didn't want to remove anything in case he needed surgery. My now three year old who showers with dh doesn't even notice, he's honestly more concerned why mommy and sissy look so different because where do we pee from?
SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:38 AM
It might help to read this before discussing - http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html
SlapItHigh
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 2:39 AM
Sorry, I can't make it clicky on my phone.

Quoting SlapItHigh: It might help to read this before discussing - http://www.stopcirc.com/vincent/vulnerability_of_men.html
srm8824
by Sam on Dec. 26, 2013 at 10:26 AM
1 mom liked this

It's really hard for a man (especially one who was circumcised) to get on board with it. I do understand that men may get defensive about it because we are saying that their genitals are not ideal. It gets super personal. I think that once you have your baby and with all the information you give your dh it would be hard for him to even agree to it... it's just not necessary and when you can explain this to your dh you may want to mention there is nothing wrong with circumcised penises but it's just not medically necessary anymore, just like bottle-feeding used to be the way to go and it no longer is. That may not make a difference for you but it could. I also have a video I will have to find and post for you in a bit.

There is a good (dude friendly) show Penn & Teller do as well. You should google search it and see if dh will watch it with you.

That being said, I handled it the only way I could. I said absolutely not, I will not circumcise him no matter what. That was it. There was no choice to be made because it's not my body, it's my sons body so to me, the decision is made already. 

tabi_cat1023
by Group Mod - Tabitha on Dec. 26, 2013 at 12:30 PM

My hubby was very pro and my older 4 were circed, I regret that now and it was very hard to discuss it with hubby.  We had HUGE fights over it actually.  I finally had to put the info out there for HIM to read and him to come to terms with on his own and he agreed.  He is anti circ now but it took him being willing to read the info without me telling it to him from my thoughts.  

BTW the video did not convince hubby because csections and other surgeries arent easy to watch but are necessary, for someone who is pro circ they feel the surgery is necessary

allrighty2
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:15 PM
1 mom liked this


So sorry you and hubby may not agree.  Things that may ease the conversation is asking for his opinions and why he feels the way he does, Maybe at least compromise of leaving baby intact for the first year and see how it goes..  This topic is brought up often at anti-circ sites.    The sites are full of regret-mommas (moms who circed their sons and now have regret) as well as husbands and wives who disagree and how to sway opinions.  Good luck and congrats on the pregnancy.
 
You may want to just lurk a little on their facebook pages:
 
 
 
 
Also here is the Penn and Teller video which is popular (and funny)

 Penn&Teller Bullshit - circumcision
 

Here is a very informative lecture about ethics of circumcision.  It is long.  There is a condensed version somewhere of just the highlights.  However, even the first few minutes are enlightening:
 
elephant in the hospital video
caseyloo
by on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:17 PM

 Please remember, in all your conversations, that this is his baby too, not just yours.  Dh and I did a lot of reading and research together.  I would suggest you try to stay as calm and open with your dh as you can.  circumcision can be an important topic for the dad too.

SouthernSweetT
by Member on Dec. 26, 2013 at 1:17 PM
Truthfully, I just said no at the hospital and nothing more was spoken on the matter. It became a non issue almost immediately. Up until that point hubby and family had been pro circ.
I showed my mom a video when she expressed her thoughts during my pregnancy, and that was enough to change her views.


Quoting princess_peach:

I am 21 weeks and just found out is a boy! While I am so excited about having a boy after 2 girls, there was always ONE thing that scared me about having a boy... the debate with DH about circumcision.

I am very much against it. All of the research I have done indicates that it is not medically necessary and that there is a greater chance of a problem occuring BECAUSE of a circumcision than the need for a man to have a problem and need to have it done later in life. I do not think "to look like his dad" is a good enough argument to just ignore the research, not to mention the pain the poor baby would go through.

DH on the other hand, is very in favor of it. We haven't had a real conversation about it yet, but have any of you encountered this problem? I hear so many moms say they let the dad decide since they know more about it, but I don't think that is necessarily true. How have you handled this? I don't want this to cause a problem between us, but I also cannot allow my baby to be circumcised!

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