need help (kinda long)piog

[BCBMommie]

ok here is my situation. i had a iratrogenic c-section with me baby almost 19 months ago. we plan on getting pregnant in about another year or so. so i want a vbac desperately!!! i dont even want to go to the hospital, but my hubby is dead set against a home birth AND a midwife!!! he says i can do vbac in the hospital with an obgyn. i said but i want a midwife and a doula, he said if you are reading up on this sooo much y do you need a doula to help you? im there and you can do it yourself. i was very pissed!!! im the one who is gonna have his future babies and i cant even do it the way that i want to!!! he says that he is scared for me not to be in the hospital and doesnt "believe" in midwives and doulas. he says thats what we have doctors for and if im that uncomfortable find a woman ob. i said its not the same....ive been reading ina mays guide to natural childbirth and i want to do it that way. so my question is how can i change his mind??? my hubby is not bad or unsupportive but he was raised that doctors knows best ALL the time!!! his mother goes like every other week and wants an antibotic if she and her smaller kids gets the sniffles. so thats a whole other can of worms....but i need some suggestions, i am giving myself a year to prepare/change his mind and i need some help desperately!!!

  
  

Posted by

• BCBMommie

on Jan. 3, 2008 at 11:05 PM

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by

• Naomidoula

on Jan. 4, 2008 at 1:24 PM

I have a few ideas. First, do you know anyone who has had a successful VBAC? Anyone who has used a doula or a midwife that he could talk to? It might help if heard a personal story from someone he knows.
I would also say to keep presenting him with information. He may think that this is a passing fancy and that you'll change your mind when you are in late pregnancy, but you need to let him know you are serious and that this is very important to you.
You can also tell him that you can have a midwife in the hospital, and if something goes wrong, they have an OB on call all the time to take over, so essentially you would have both an ob and a midwife, but you might only meet the ob like once in your pregnancy.
Also, a doula is a great thing to have for vbacs. I am a doula myself. If you google "dads and doulas" you can get some great pages that describe how a doula and dad can work together to make a better birth experience for mom.

Birth Counseling   http://www.cafemom.com/group/26363

Wives of Musicians     http://www.cafemom.com/group/5320

Birth Stories    http://www.cafemom.com/group/13544/

Moms who Birthed Naturally http://www.cafemom.com/group/14077

by

• doulala

Gold Member on Jan. 5, 2008 at 10:19 PM

I can understand his thinking, he's a "product" of our culture. It's not his fault, it sounds like he just doesn't know better. That's common unfortunately. I think you should go slow and be positive and understanding, even though this seems very upsetting!

*Women have only recently started giving birth in hospitals and with doctors, and still don't in most of the world.

*Most babies are born without doctors or hospitals.

*Midwives have better outcomes than OBs, statistically.

*Doulas perform a role in labor that OBs/nurses/midwives do not do-- they give continual support (emotional and physical, not medical).

*Doulas help women to have the birth they want. Statistically, they give women a better chance to have the VBAC they desire.

*Doctors are not usually trained to "allow" women to birth normally, and naturally. Their training specializes in intervention and surgery.

*Birthing in a hospital decreases your odds for a VBAC.

*Birthing with an OB decreases your chances for a VBAC.

*Midwives specialize in childbirth, not interventions & surgery, but can handle most complications that arise.

*You can transfer care to an OB if any problems arise during pregnancy.

*You can transport to a hospital if you should need their emergency facility before, during, after labor/birth.

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[Naomidoula]

I have a few ideas. First, do you know anyone who has had a successful VBAC? Anyone who has used a doula or a midwife that he could talk to? It might help if heard a personal story from someone he knows.
I would also say to keep presenting him with information. He may think that this is a passing fancy and that you'll change your mind when you are in late pregnancy, but you need to let him know you are serious and that this is very important to you.
You can also tell him that you can have a midwife in the hospital, and if something goes wrong, they have an OB on call all the time to take over, so essentially you would have both an ob and a midwife, but you might only meet the ob like once in your pregnancy.
Also, a doula is a great thing to have for vbacs. I am a doula myself. If you google "dads and doulas" you can get some great pages that describe how a doula and dad can work together to make a better birth experience for mom.

Birth Counseling   http://www.cafemom.com/group/26363

Wives of Musicians     http://www.cafemom.com/group/5320

Birth Stories    http://www.cafemom.com/group/13544/

Moms who Birthed Naturally http://www.cafemom.com/group/14077

[doulala]

I can understand his thinking, he's a "product" of our culture. It's not his fault, it sounds like he just doesn't know better. That's common unfortunately. I think you should go slow and be positive and understanding, even though this seems very upsetting!

*Women have only recently started giving birth in hospitals and with doctors, and still don't in most of the world.

*Most babies are born without doctors or hospitals.

*Midwives have better outcomes than OBs, statistically.

*Doulas perform a role in labor that OBs/nurses/midwives do not do-- they give continual support (emotional and physical, not medical).

*Doulas help women to have the birth they want. Statistically, they give women a better chance to have the VBAC they desire.

*Doctors are not usually trained to "allow" women to birth normally, and naturally. Their training specializes in intervention and surgery.

*Birthing in a hospital decreases your odds for a VBAC.

*Birthing with an OB decreases your chances for a VBAC.

*Midwives specialize in childbirth, not interventions & surgery, but can handle most complications that arise.

*You can transfer care to an OB if any problems arise during pregnancy.

*You can transport to a hospital if you should need their emergency facility before, during, after labor/birth.