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NIP around unhealthy kids

Posted by on Mar. 20, 2014 at 2:08 PM
  • 17 Replies
I received an interesting call today asking me to please nurse more discretely at an upcoming event because some of the children there have a history if sexual abuse and have issues with certain body parts, whether seen sexually or not. Of course I agreed to leave the room for them, I totally respect that and appreciate the heads up.

But now I'm thinking about nip in general and the fact that we never know who's around and their situation/history. I was immediately thinking that it might be good for these kids to see a baby nurse, but then again I don't know anything about these kids and it's definitely not my place to decide what is and isn't good for them. In this specific situation, the children and their parents are working on the issues and the children have improved a lot. Of course I don't want to interfere with their progress or cause stress or an episode or discomfort or whatever.

Anyway, so what are your thoughts on the idea that some kids might have an unhealthy history like this, and it may not be in their best interest to be around a nursing mother in general public?
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by on Mar. 20, 2014 at 2:08 PM
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Replies (1-10):
micheledo
by Member on Mar. 20, 2014 at 2:16 PM
4 moms liked this

I would think in public would be a different situation.  In a private meeting/event like you are going to, the child is 'stuck' there and the event planners want to control what the kids are exposed to.  When going out in public the child and the parents recognize that there will be triggers all around.  Seeing a mom nursing, from a distance, that they can talk about later, would be just another step in helping them learn proper responses to things??  I don't know.  this is all off the top of my head.  

You know, if I plan an event, I can control (to a certain extent) what my kids are going to do and see.  I think that is important.  We all shelter our kids at certain times - we decide what is appropriate.  But being out in public, we have very little control over what may cross our path.  And that is part of teaching any kids - be they abused or not.

However, I would be prone to stop or leave if a mother approached me about a child in her care struggling because of abuse.  But I am also one who will cover up out of respect to others if they approach me nicely about it.

FrumpyMama
by Silver Member on Mar. 20, 2014 at 11:37 PM
1 mom liked this

I think I agree with you on showing children a positive and loving thing like nip.  I get that there are some kids who have had this kind of innocence taken from them, but seeing breasts being used for a loving and nourishing purpose might be very helpful in healing. If a little girl who was assaulted is hitting puberty and is having body image issues, this might be something to focus on as a strength and could be introduced as such by caregivers and healers.  If she feels that her body is disgusting, teaching her that it can nourish and calm a new baby could be very empowering if brought up correctly and if she sees only positive images of it (mothers cooing and lovingly stroking their nurslings head). 

Khelmoria
by Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 12:10 PM

I think that sheltering kids from normal situations is not beneficial at all, regardless of past circumstances. I will add that I would respect the caregivers wishes.  

jconney80
by Group Mod on Mar. 21, 2014 at 12:16 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree. It's just my opinion but the fact that the adult in the situation is sexualizing breasts doesn't sit right with me. It would be a good opportunity to teach them breasts are not sexual. They shouldn't be projecting that on you. IDK just a different perspective. I have no experience with that but if it were my child who was molested I wouldn't shelter them from that but use it to teach instead. Everyone is surrounded by much worse images involving breasts every day.

I'm not in any way saying you shouldn't choose to respect the situation you're in and be more discreet. I just feel that we would have less issues like this in our society if we stopped twisting what breasts are for and then putting the responsibility of that onto nursing moms. Nursing moms don't deserve to be caught up in the oversexualization of the role that breasts have in nature.


Quoting FrumpyMama:

I think I agree with you on showing children a positive and loving thing like nip.  I get that there are some kids who have had this kind of innocence taken from them, but seeing breasts being used for a loving and nourishing purpose might be very helpful in healing. If a little girl who was assaulted is hitting puberty and is having body image issues, this might be something to focus on as a strength and could be introduced as such by caregivers and healers.  If she feels that her body is disgusting, teaching her that it can nourish and calm a new baby could be very empowering if brought up correctly and if she sees only positive images of it (mothers cooing and lovingly stroking their nurslings head). 

cabrandy03
by Brandy on Mar. 21, 2014 at 12:16 PM
1 mom liked this
I completely agree:

Quoting Khelmoria:

I think that sheltering kids from normal situations is not beneficial at all, regardless of past circumstances. I will add that I would respect the caregivers wishes.  

ParanormalSarah
by Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 12:20 PM

As a forensic psychologist I can say that sadly it is more possible that certain body parts are 'triggers' for PTSD and anxiety to children who have already been negatively conditioned to react in a certain way to the human body. For those abused children who are already acting out inappropriately it may be to a point that they need intervention to help them deal with triggers and are still too young to communicate how they feel in that process so avoiding it all together is best at this point -

However, at some point in the theraputic process you DO want to exchange and replace those negative issues with positive ones so that eventually there can be a healthy sexual development.


jellyphish
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 12:23 PM
While I do agree with this, it's important to note that these parents are working with the kids on the issue, and they are making big improvements. They are not in a place where they are ready to be exposed, w/o parental discretion and control, to breasts even unsexually. They just aren't there yet. And farbeit for me to use a celebratory family function as a platform to force it on them whether the parents like it or not.

But my question was actually about NIP in general and the idea that there are damaged kids out there, we don't know who they are, and how can we respect that? I really like the idea in the first reply that we don't know, we can't assume, and parents of damaged children know what they might encounter in public and it's their responsibility to act accordingly; and to respect their wishes should one ask us to cover up in a respectful way, in order to acknowledge and respect their children's unhealthy situation and special needs.
In the end, it's not me who is responsible for teaching other kids about breasts, especially children I don't know and who are emotionally unhealthy.


Quoting jconney80: I agree. It's just my opinion but the fact that the adult in the situation is sexualizing breasts doesn't sit right with me. It would be a good opportunity to teach them breasts are not sexual. They shouldn't be projecting that on you. IDK just a different perspective. I have no experience with that but if it were my child who was molested I wouldn't shelter them from that but use it to teach instead. Everyone is surrounded by much worse images involving breasts every day.

I'm not in any way saying you shouldn't choose to respect the situation you're in and be more discreet. I just feel that we would have less issues like this in our society if we stopped twisting what breasts are for and then putting the responsibility of that onto nursing moms. Nursing moms don't deserve to be caught up in the oversexualization of the role that breasts have in nature.


Quoting FrumpyMama:

I think I agree with you on showing children a positive and loving thing like nip.  I get that there are some kids who have had this kind of innocence taken from them, but seeing breasts being used for a loving and nourishing purpose might be very helpful in healing. If a little girl who was assaulted is hitting puberty and is having body image issues, this might be something to focus on as a strength and could be introduced as such by caregivers and healers.  If she feels that her body is disgusting, teaching her that it can nourish and calm a new baby could be very empowering if brought up correctly and if she sees only positive images of it (mothers cooing and lovingly stroking their nurslings head). 

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jellyphish
by Platinum Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 12:29 PM
Thank you for this perspective! I think the words "PTSD" and "triggers" are extremely important and what I was trying to get at.
I feel so badly for these kids, it makes me sick to my stomach to hear about stories of abuse, especially of sexual abuse, and I just want to rip the face of some of these assholes and feed it to them.


Quoting ParanormalSarah:

As a forensic psychologist I can say that sadly it is more possible that certain body parts are 'triggers' for PTSD and anxiety to children who have already been negatively conditioned to react in a certain way to the human body. For those abused children who are already acting out inappropriately it may be to a point that they need intervention to help them deal with triggers and are still too young to communicate how they feel in that process so avoiding it all together is best at this point -

However, at some point in the theraputic process you DO want to exchange and replace those negative issues with positive ones so that eventually there can be a healthy sexual development.

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jconney80
by Group Mod on Mar. 21, 2014 at 1:44 PM
1 mom liked this
I agree with you that's why I was saying I think you should still respect the situation. I just didn't word it properly. I wasn't saying it's your responsibility to force that issue on them. I was just saying it's not exactly fair for them to put it on everyone around them either in general. As in when you're out in public. It isn't our place as nursing mothers to worry about triggering issues with other people. I was just sharing my perspective on the whole situation in general. Not about the event you're attending. I hope I made more sense that time. I'm not saying you have to prove something at the event.

Quoting jellyphish: While I do agree with this, it's important to note that these parents are working with the kids on the issue, and they are making big improvements. They are not in a place where they are ready to be exposed, w/o parental discretion and control, to breasts even unsexually. They just aren't there yet. And farbeit for me to use a celebratory family function as a platform to force it on them whether the parents like it or not.

But my question was actually about NIP in general and the idea that there are damaged kids out there, we don't know who they are, and how can we respect that? I really like the idea in the first reply that we don't know, we can't assume, and parents of damaged children know what they might encounter in public and it's their responsibility to act accordingly; and to respect their wishes should one ask us to cover up in a respectful way, in order to acknowledge and respect their children's unhealthy situation and special needs.
In the end, it's not me who is responsible for teaching other kids about breasts, especially children I don't know and who are emotionally unhealthy.


Quoting jconney80: I agree. It's just my opinion but the fact that the adult in the situation is sexualizing breasts doesn't sit right with me. It would be a good opportunity to teach them breasts are not sexual. They shouldn't be projecting that on you. IDK just a different perspective. I have no experience with that but if it were my child who was molested I wouldn't shelter them from that but use it to teach instead. Everyone is surrounded by much worse images involving breasts every day.

I'm not in any way saying you shouldn't choose to respect the situation you're in and be more discreet. I just feel that we would have less issues like this in our society if we stopped twisting what breasts are for and then putting the responsibility of that onto nursing moms. Nursing moms don't deserve to be caught up in the oversexualization of the role that breasts have in nature.


Quoting FrumpyMama:

I think I agree with you on showing children a positive and loving thing like nip.  I get that there are some kids who have had this kind of innocence taken from them, but seeing breasts being used for a loving and nourishing purpose might be very helpful in healing. If a little girl who was assaulted is hitting puberty and is having body image issues, this might be something to focus on as a strength and could be introduced as such by caregivers and healers.  If she feels that her body is disgusting, teaching her that it can nourish and calm a new baby could be very empowering if brought up correctly and if she sees only positive images of it (mothers cooing and lovingly stroking their nurslings head). 

FrumpyMama
by Silver Member on Mar. 21, 2014 at 2:27 PM

Exactly. It bothers me so much when I hear a woman say that her breasts are for "sex only". That just makes me so sad for her and makes me wonder what the heck happened to make her think that.  I also refuse to buy any bra that declares that it is "sexy" or will make you "sexier" by increasing your bust size. Bras serve a function they are not supposed to make you feel demoarlized about the purpose of your breasts. Are they sexy? I'm sure any guy will say yes, including husbands of breastfeeding women. If anything my dh has told me that they are even more so because they have nourished our infants into healthy children. 

I'm not saying she shouldn't be discreet, but throwing a nursing cover on while still being involved and being asked to leave the room are completely different things. I have no problem throwing a nursing cover on, but I will not leave the room unless I got a screamer or a diaper to change.

Quoting jconney80: I agree. It's just my opinion but the fact that the adult in the situation is sexualizing breasts doesn't sit right with me. It would be a good opportunity to teach them breasts are not sexual. They shouldn't be projecting that on you. IDK just a different perspective. I have no experience with that but if it were my child who was molested I wouldn't shelter them from that but use it to teach instead. Everyone is surrounded by much worse images involving breasts every day. I'm not in any way saying you shouldn't choose to respect the situation you're in and be more discreet. I just feel that we would have less issues like this in our society if we stopped twisting what breasts are for and then putting the responsibility of that onto nursing moms. Nursing moms don't deserve to be caught up in the oversexualization of the role that breasts have in nature.
Quoting FrumpyMama:

I think I agree with you on showing children a positive and loving thing like nip.  I get that there are some kids who have had this kind of innocence taken from them, but seeing breasts being used for a loving and nourishing purpose might be very helpful in healing. If a little girl who was assaulted is hitting puberty and is having body image issues, this might be something to focus on as a strength and could be introduced as such by caregivers and healers.  If she feels that her body is disgusting, teaching her that it can nourish and calm a new baby could be very empowering if brought up correctly and if she sees only positive images of it (mothers cooing and lovingly stroking their nurslings head). 


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