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Natural Birth & Parenting Natural Birth & Parenting

How do you heal from a traumatic birth?

Posted by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 6:45 AM
  • 23 Replies

I had an amazing homebirth with my first ds in July 2011.

I was planning a second homebirth with my second baby who was due April 8th of this year.  In early March, I started having some issues.  I went to the hospital to get checked out, and long story short, they discovered I had stage 3 cancer.

At 35w6d, I had an emergency c-section, total hysterectomy (cancer originated in my fallopian tube and spread), and cancer debulking surgery.  I had the c-section under general anesthesia, so I didn't get to meet Lucia until the next day.  She was then transferred to a different hospital with a NICU because of breathing issues.  She had to be intubated and tube fed.  I didn't get to hold or nurse her for a week after she was born.

I got to nurse for a total of one week before starting aggressive chemo.  Natural birth and nursing are both SO important to me, and both got taken away.  I'm still having a hard time coping with these things.  I've healed physically from the surgery, but not emotionally.  Lucia gets exclusive donor breast milk, and she is doing wonderfully.  She turned 4 months old yesterday.  I try to look at the postives, but some days are really hard.  I can never have more babies, and I was robbed of so much with my last.

How have you coped with your birth/parenting plan going down the tubes?

CafeMom Tickers
by on Jul. 11, 2014 at 6:45 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Freckles0808
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 6:47 AM
1 mom liked this

KJ_on
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 7:23 AM
Yes. My oldest was a preemie and it left some deep scars. However you are amazing and doing a beautiful thing for you little girl with the donor milk. Please keep us updated on how you are
KJ_on
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 7:24 AM
Yes. My oldest was a preemie and it left some deep scars. However you are amazing and doing a beautiful thing for you little girl with the donor milk. Please keep us updated on how you are
tairakittie
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 8:40 AM
You are both gorgeous!! Time... time helps heal all wounds, physical and emotional. And understanding that it happend the way it had to, for your health and hers.
Cafe Jenn
by Head Admin on Jul. 11, 2014 at 9:33 AM

(((HUGS))) mama. I agree with the below. It will take time and your remembering that because it happened this way, they were able to find the cancer. 

What is your prognosis?

Quoting tairakittie: You are both gorgeous!! Time... time helps heal all wounds, physical and emotional. And understanding that it happend the way it had to, for your health and hers.


Freckles0808
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 9:39 AM
4 moms liked this

I am currently considered in remission, although I have 4 rounds of chemo left.  Then I will be on maintenance chemo every 3 weeks for 1 year.  My type of cancer is very aggressive, with a 75% chance of recurrence, so that's why I'll be doing maintenance chemo.  After the next 4 rounds of chemo, I will have another CT scan to make sure it's still clean.  I have a long road ahead of me still, but I'm kicking cancer's a$$!

Quoting Cafe Jenn:

(((HUGS))) mama. I agree with the below. It will take time and your remembering that because it happened this way, they were able to find the cancer. 

What is your prognosis?

Quoting tairakittie: You are both gorgeous!! Time... time helps heal all wounds, physical and emotional. And understanding that it happend the way it had to, for your health and hers.


rmgriffberg
by Bronze Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 10:19 AM

 First i want to say you are both so beautiful!
I had a traumatic birth with my oldest. i was 19 and i didnt do any research. i thought my dr had my best interests and he knew best (well i should say they, there were 5 drs in the practice) towards the end of my pregnancy i was HUGE! i kept asking if they were sure there was only one because i looked like i was having twins. each time i was told no there is only one, and based off of how i was measuring my son would be 8lbs 50z MAX. well at my 40 week appt i was told we needed to schedule and induction. the first available spot was fora week from my due date (that tells you how many inductions this practice scheduled, but i didnt realize it at the time). we the morning i was to have my induction i was very crampy. it was 3am and i couldnt sleep because of it. my induction was at 830am and i told myself that it was in my head. well the drive to the hospital sucked! when i got there i told them i was there for an induction and the nurse asked if i was sure i wasnt in labor. i said i dont think so. well i was, i was 5 cm!! the dr came in during checking me broke my water (didnt even ask) and started pit right away. i asked why he was starting Pit if i was already in labor and the answer was, well you are here for an inductions so we might as well give it to you. the second the pit started my contractions went from manageable to the worst pain i had ever felt. i was also told to stay in bed and not walk around because of the iv and my water was broken. i ened up getting an iv pain med and it didnt do much. i fell asleep and when i woke up i couldnt do anything. i couldnt open my eyes because i was still so groggy, i couldnt talk, and i could feel every contraction. it was hell. st 8pm my dr came in and i was at a 7. i was told my baby was stuck and i had to have a c-section. i have a condition where my platelets drop to dangerous levels during pregnancy so a c-section was not a wise idea unless 100% medically necessary. i found out after from talking to other obs and midwives that without and ultrasounds they would not have known at 7cm that the baby was stuck. his bp never dropped either. during the c-section they had a very hard time keeping me awake. he was 12lbs 2oz and 24in. so after they heard that they said it was a good thing they got him out when they did because he would have NEVER been able to be born vaginally because of his size. well i call bull because my yds was born vaginally and he was 11lbs 7oz and 20.5in (yes i know thats smaller, but he was also chunkier so i believe i could have had my ods vaginally if i had been given the chance. it has taken 2 vbacs and 5 years to get to where i am now. now i still feel a little upset that i had to have a c-section, but it no longer consumes me. it will take time (and maybe even talking to someone) but over time it will hurt a little less. one day you will look back and it may hurt a little, but not the way it hurts now :)

Quoting Freckles0808:

 

kajira
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 10:41 AM

I don't know. I had a traumatic first birth experience during an induction  - I worked through most of that over the last 10 eyars, and had an amazing home birth with my second... my third was a set of twins, that resulted in a birth at 24 weeks, nicu stays, the death of a baby at 3 weeks old, multiple surgeries, and trauma that lasted from the c-section due to giving me ketamine with out my consent and caused some hullicinations that cause me to have flash backs once in a while in the wrong moments.

I guess what I can say is it just takes time. Trauma isnt' something that just goes away over night. Pain doesn't just go away over night.. I lost a baby, i'm having to grieve for the baby I lost, while trying to stay strong for my remaining baby who's still struggling in the nicu to survive, and he's 12 weeks old tomorrow and still not making a lot of progress towards coming home. (36 weeks adjusted today.) He's on the ventilator, dealing with infections, just had major surgery (his 3rd one) and I sitll haven't been able to breastfeed him, I've only gotten to hold him a handful of times... I didn't get to hold my other baby until he died.

I don't know if i'll ever get to get pregnant again, or be able to carry a baby to term... as I am not 100% why I went into labor so early with them - my pregnancy was going great, the easiest one I'd ever had.

I can say that I understand your feelings about trauma, and the let down of an after-birth experience. I didn't get to see my babies for 3 days because I had to wait for my doctor to release me from the hospital and drive 3+ hours to get to the nicu where they were staying.

EcoModernMom
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 11:14 AM
the only thing that healed my traumatic birth was a healthy normal birth..7 years later.
jjchick75
by Member on Jul. 11, 2014 at 11:16 AM
1 mom liked this
I agree, time. My birth with my 5 year old(good grief almost 6 year old) was honestly awful. Long story short the doctor basically made me push even though I didn't have the urge to. I tore very very very badly. I only saw my son for a split second before I was taken to the OR. I was told if they couldn't stop the bleeding I would need a hysterectomy. After 2+ hours, several doses of meds, more stitches than the doctor could count, and a blood transfusion I was taken back to my room. I saw my son but was still to weak to really hold him. My husband held up against my chest so he could nurse and we could do skin to skin. I still don't like to think about it but it doesn't consume like it did.

I can relate to the hysterectomy as well. Last June I had a miscarriage with what would have been our second set of twins. That alone was a horrible experience. But I was still in pain and my cycle hadn't returned by August and the OB I had seen for my miscarriage kept blowing me off. He kept telling me it was normal. By September I was fed up and terrified. I talked to my midwife who delivered my 2 year old to get her opinion and she agreed something seemed off. She got me in touch with another OB and she finally listened. I was put through a bunch of test and they found a golf ball size mass in my uterus and a large cyst on my ovary. They did a biopsy on the mass and while it was benign they felt strongly that if it was just removed it would come back as cancer. I was told the best course of treatment was a hysterectomy. The original plan was to leave my ovaries but when they opened me up they found I had multiple cyst on both ovaries and my ovaries couldn't be saved. I don't think any of it really hit me until after the surgery and it hit me hard then. It's been 9 months and its better now but I still have days that I feel angry about it. It's especially hard because people down play it because I did already have 6 kids(have 7 now, we adopted a baby girl in December). I got sick of hearing "Well at least you had a big family before" and stopped talking about it. I don't know if we would have had anymore or not but it broke my heart and still breaks my heart that the decision was taken away from me.

I'm so sorry for all you've been through. I hope you find peace with the situation! I also hope you can beat cancer for good! You and your daughter are both beautiful!
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