How do you heal from a traumatic birth?
I had an amazing homebirth with my first ds in July 2011.
I was planning a second homebirth with my second baby who was due April 8th of this year. In early March, I started having some issues. I went to the hospital to get checked out, and long story short, they discovered I had stage 3 cancer.
At 35w6d, I had an emergency c-section, total hysterectomy (cancer originated in my fallopian tube and spread), and cancer debulking surgery. I had the c-section under general anesthesia, so I didn't get to meet Lucia until the next day. She was then transferred to a different hospital with a NICU because of breathing issues. She had to be intubated and tube fed. I didn't get to hold or nurse her for a week after she was born.
I got to nurse for a total of one week before starting aggressive chemo. Natural birth and nursing are both SO important to me, and both got taken away. I'm still having a hard time coping with these things. I've healed physically from the surgery, but not emotionally. Lucia gets exclusive donor breast milk, and she is doing wonderfully. She turned 4 months old yesterday. I try to look at the postives, but some days are really hard. I can never have more babies, and I was robbed of so much with my last.
How have you coped with your birth/parenting plan going down the tubes?