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Need advice... Kinda long

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 11:44 PM
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A couple things up front: I have a 6 year old and now a 3 month old. My boyfriend is not my 6 year olds father. I don't live with my boyfriend, I live with my Mom.

So here's my story:
My boyfriend was living with me at my Mom's house for 3 months last summer. I found out I was pregnant last July. At the beginning of the pregnancy I was very hormonal, and mixed with his lack of "gusto" to get out of bed and not sleep all day and also him not finding a job, kicked him out and I broke up with him. I told him that I wasn't sure of my feelings for him, but there WAS a chance that we might get back together if he got his stuff straight, but I just needed time to think. We stayed in contact for the most part and text messaged each other the whole time we were apart and he also came to some of the dr appointments.

Fast forward to December (a couple days after Christmas), I put everything aside (in relation to arguments we had) and we started seeing each other in person again. By the end of January, we started dating again. After we got back together, I asked him "Did anything ever happen while we weren't together? Did you drink or do any drugs or were you with anyone else? Is there ANYTHING you should be telling me? I'm not going to be mad." "Nope, nothing." he would say. (LIE #1)

At the end of January, I get a call from him saying "You're going to be really pissed at me..." and I find out that he went into a Walmart and tried to steal a video game, got caught, and had to be bailed out of jail by his Dad. (Court case is sometime this month).

So ever since the end of December (and while we were broken up) he was telling me that he was working Saturdays and sometimes he would be working on Sundays at the pizza place (LIE#2) where he had finally gotten a job (in August). He also told me that he was working at his Dad's office throughout the week to make some extra cash for when the baby was born. But the weird thing to me, he kept asking ME for a couple dollars here and there for gas and cigarettes. But I figured, "okay, he just hasn't gotten his check yet".

Skip forward again to March, and our daughter is born. My boyfriends Dad goes out of town the week she was born, so my boyfriend was suppose to be coming over here to the house to help out with the baby and my oldest. That week she was born, he would either text me and tell me that he felt like crap so he couldn't come over and play it off as "food poisoning" (LIE#3) or I couldn't ever get ahold of him at all. I'd text and call, but I wouldn't ever get a response until right before my oldest would be getting home from school (at 3) or I would get NOTHING at all. Yet, when it came to that next Saturday, he was fine and dandy to go to work at the pizza place. Still, something didn't set right with me...

I ended up calling the pizza place he was "working" at and found out that he had quit at the BEGINNING of November! So I confronted him about it. His excuse, "I was afraid to tell you because I thought you would leave me again". He ended up telling me that he would either go to his brothers place (on Saturdays) or be sleeping all day (on Sundays). So I figured, "Okay, fine, we can work through that..."

The VERY next week, I find out that he had made a profile on a dating website while we weren't together (then he deleted it at some point) AND I found out that he had been using pills, smoking (no, not cigarettes), and drinking and stealing more. He had doing that stuff since right after I broke up with him. (LIE #4) Again, he told me "I thought you would leave me if you found out." I ended up telling him that he was only allowed to see the girls on Sundays and when he was 6 months sober, he could get more days.

A week after I find out he was doing the above mentioned, I find out that he slept with someone that he worked with while I was pregnant. So again I confronted him about it (LIE#5) His excuse this time? "I was so hurt when you broke up with me... She meant nothing."

STILL I think, "Okay, he's going through some crap, if we stick together and maybe try couples therapy, we have a chance at making this work".

Then comes the day after Easter... April 1st: He texts me and tells me he's JUST leaving his Dads office (at 9pm) and he'd be to his place "soon". 11pm rolls around and I get a call from his Dad, "He's been in a car accident, everyone is fine, but I couldn't really understand him on the phone." So I speed over to the accident site. His car was totaled, and he was nowhere to be found. I finally get someone to talk to me and I find out what happened. He told the cops, "I took 2 Valium and smoked 4 bowls." The cop told me, "I don't even know how he was able to drive as far as he did. He couldn't even stand up to do the "walk the line" test." He did the minimum of 2 nights and was released. (Court date in July for this one)

So far, as I know, he hasn't done anything since. He didn't go anywhere unless his Dad or I pick him up. Found out a couple weeks ago that he went to hang out with a friend of his and he never said a word to me about it until after.

He keeps telling me that he's looking for a job, but won't do anything to actually go out and get one. Not to mention, all he's been doing lately is sleeping. And he's been in a HORRIBLE mood for the past month and a half. We argue, like any couple does, but I'm so hurt by all of his lies and everything that I found out, that I get more upset bc I get the gut feeling that he's lying to me still, which in turn, he ends up telling me over text and over the phone "F you... f you you stupid B" and "shut up". I've told him and told him that he will not speak to me that way. I'm sick of it.

And now, this week I've barely heard from him at all. I finally texted and told him "When you want to be an active particapant in this relationship and in the conversations, let me know."

Today is Sunday and he was suppose to have time with me and the girls and I havent heard from him since yesterday at 12:44 in the afternoon.

I know that this is stupid of me, and writing it out helps a little, but I'm confused. I don't feel like I should be the one who has to constantly keep initiating contact. So I haven't today. And like I said, so far, I've gotten nothing from him.

Am I right in feeling this way? Do I have a right to be ticked off about everything that has happened? Should I have to be the one who contacts him all the time during arguments to try to work things out? Or am I just way off here?
by on Jun. 9, 2013 at 11:44 PM
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by New Member on Jun. 11, 2013 at 4:01 AM
1 mom liked this

Hey.. I just thought that I would do a short response... this does NOT seem like a good person to be with.. but, i KNOW that you are going to do what you are going to do.. (which is probably ignore any advice from any one of us)... I have seen this before and I have known people who were involved with men like this!

I just want for you to know that THIS man is NOT what you or I would call "Healthy!!"

I KNOW that you know that.. but, it's going to have to hit you like a ton of rocks to get you to understand this!!

or rock bottom!

I lived with a couple of alcoholics.. one was my former boyfriend... it was scary, it was hard..and I put myself thru it... I ran from it..I was afraid and it was SOOOO SOOOOO bad!! I would NEVER want ANY body to go thru what I went thru!!

Please Please get some counseling.. (see if you can get some free or low-scale counseling! This guy does NOT really care about you.. because he does NOT care about himself!! He lies...and has addictions... I know... trust me ..been there..I hated it!! I also know others who have been thru's the same darn story!!

Good luck!! and GET HELP ... so that you can lose this loser.. because ALL women deserve better..and even some men out there too!!!  Hugs!!

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